The Wrong Pig

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: ooc: None that I was conscious of.

Interesting. It sounded damn familiar, for some reason.

Rolzup wrote:: At Tophet square, Vox pulls himself up to his full height, and strides directly towards Kamapua, cloak flowing dramatically behind him. He removes his hat, revealing his thinning hair, bows deeply, and quickly replaces the hat....

Chakram follows Vox-Paetros, keeping a short distance behind him but near enough to hear the exchange with the pig. This should be amusing!

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: "Fuck off."

OOC: Brilliant!

IC:

Yatagan dresses for the day in his gleaming, inappropriate armor. At the festival, he'll attend VoxPætros's audience with Kamapua, keeping uncharacteristically quiet, at least to start with.

After that, he merrily saunters over to the dragon melech. "Hail Illuyankas. I shall speak with you after the judging. Is there anything you require?"

Then he'll stand before Conroy, mouth agape at it's burning, spinning splendor. When he can tear himself away he'll circulate through the crowd looking for Misquamacas, or anyone else who can shed some light on the deity.

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Rolzup wrote:: At Tophet square, Vox pulls himself up to his full height, and strides directly towards Kamapua, cloak flowing dramatically behind him. He removes his hat, revealing his thinning hair, bows deeply, and quickly replaces the hat.

"I am Vox," he says grandly. "I carry Pætros within me."

"Indeed! And is very much honored for being doing so, yes? Yes! Am for being muchly pleased to be be meeting you, Kamapua! Have heard tale of you, and of mighty board. Am assuming to be wishing to propose marriage to Glorious Treasure of Heavens? Pætros will be delighted to be accepting on Her behalf."

The mighty boar Kamapua fixes its gaze on Vox immediately, listening carefully to his words. It sniffs at the air and then narrows its eyes.

"Paetros, Paetros! Why have you forsaken me?" it howls. "Thirteen months ago, I reached my mind out to you in that dingy little monastery of Sheduu-Pao, awakening you from your silent meditations, calling for you to my side, that you might save me from my infernal captors! I even granted you powers to aid you, but still you ignored my pleas. You even set sail on the Aster Sea, raising my hopes, but cast a blind eye upon me, passing these islands by, crushing my heart in your hands! All of these long months of torture and degradation I have suffered at the hands of these demons... while you sat in your Port worshiping... a false pig!"

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Mallus wrote:: After that, he merrily saunters over to the dragon melech. "Hail Illuyankas. I shall speak with you after the judging. Is there anything you require?"

Illuyankas stirs at your voice, but seems to be having difficulty lifting its head. It looks up at you from the floor of its muck-encrusted cage, staring at you through heavily-lidded eyes, and says, "Are you... are you... a talking fish?"

Mallus wrote:: Then he'll stand before Conroy, mouth agape at it's burning, spinning splendor. When he can tear himself away he'll circulate through the crowd looking for Misquamacas, or anyone else who can shed some light on the deity.

Two dark dwarves stand near Conroy's cage, watching anyone who come close and making small talk about how much they drank last night.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: "Paetros, Paetros! Why have you forsaken me?" it howls. "Thirteen months ago, I reached my mind out to you in that dingy little monastery of Sheduu-Pao, awakening you from your silent meditations, calling for you to my side, that you might save me from my infernal captors! I even granted you powers to aid you, but still you ignored my pleas. You even set sail on the Aster Sea, raising my hopes, but cast a blind eye upon me, passing these islands by, crushing my heart in your hands! All of these long months of torture and degradation I have suffered at the hands of these demons... while you sat in your Port worshiping... a false pig!"

Vox guffaws, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Sorry,” he mutters, with stunning insincerity. ”Pætros? Anything to say?”

“You…you is for being confused, Kamapua. Is probably being because of motion sickness, yes? Glorious Treasure of Heavens is true god, muchly divine. Is to have been performing miracles, of many sorts. Divine guidances, even. Has made dragon-pervert into prophet! If is not being miracle, is not knowing what is!”

There in an increasing tone of desperation in Pætros' voice, one entirely at odd with the growing grin on Vox’s face. "This was almost worth it," he murmurs when the Porcophant falls silent for a moment.

"Is blasphemy! Heresy! Glorious Treasure of Heavens has touched many lives, made souls and pockets muchly lighter!"

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: Vox guffaws, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Sorry,” he mutters, with stunning insincerity. ”Pætros? Anything to say?”

“You…you is for being confused, Kamapua. Is probably being because of motion sickness, yes? Glorious Treasure of Heavens is true god, muchly divine. Is to have been performing miracles, of many sorts. Divine guidances, even. Has made dragon-pervert into prophet! If is not being miracle, is not knowing what is!”

There in an increasing tone of desperation in Pætros' voice, one entirely at odd with the growing grin on Vox’s face. "This was almost worth it," he murmurs when the Porcophant falls silent for a moment.

"Is blasphemy! Heresy! Glorious Treasure of Heavens has touched many lives, made souls and pockets muchly lighter!"

Kamapua's muscular face shows brief annoyance, then shifts to a countenance of compassion. "Perhaps some of my divine energy has gathered around this... Treasure... like light reflecting off some multi-faceted gemstone, but I assure you that it is true, my priest. Paetros, behold your god."

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"It's true, Lord Kamapua" blurts out Yatagan, his silent vow to keep silent lasting all of minute or so. "Long before Pætros arrived from across the Aster Sea my friend Odanais was performing miracles in the name of Treasure. I watched him heal the grievous wounds delivered by a sexy wraith with my own eyes."

"Truly she is <edit> divine. And single..."

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Mallus wrote:: "Truly she is devine. And single..."

ooc: Your love for your wife meddles with your ability to spell.

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gridley wrote:: ooc: Your love for your wife meddles with your ability to spell.

Apparently so!

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Mallus wrote:: "It's true, Lord Kamapua" blurts out Yatagan, his silent vow to keep silent lasting all of minute or so. "Long before Pætros arrived from across the Aster Sea my friend Odanais was performing miracles in the name of Treasure. I watched him heal the grievous wounds delivered by a sexy wraith with my own eyes."

"Yes!" Pætros seizes upon this like Gepettojack upon an unattended orphan. "Yes, yes! Is seeing! Is clear, Glorious Treasure of Heavens is deity worth reckoning upon! But is being place for you by Her side, is most certain!"

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Rolzup wrote:: There in an increasing tone of desperation in Pætros' voice, one entirely at odd with the growing grin on Vox’s face. "This was almost worth it," he murmurs when the Porcophant falls silent for a moment.

"Is blasphemy! Heresy! Glorious Treasure of Heavens has touched many lives, made souls and pockets muchly lighter!"

Chakram, who hasn't ever seen this Glorious Treasure of Heavens but has heard a little about it while at the Port, keeps the grin off her aquiline face and looks around at the various 'deities' in their little cages. A false god? Who'd have thought of something so strange? Her lips twitch at the thought.

Mallus wrote:: "It's true, Lord Kamapua" blurts out Yatagan, his silent vow to keep silent lasting all of minute or so. "Long before Pætros arrived from across the Aster Sea my friend Odanais was performing miracles in the name of Treasure. I watched him heal the grievous wounds delivered by a sexy wraith with my own eyes."

"Truly she is divine. And single..."

Rolzup wrote:: "Yes!" Pætros seizes upon this like Gepettojack upon an unattended orphan. "Yes, yes! Is seeing! Is clear, Glorious Treasure of Heavens is deity worth reckoning upon! But is being place for you by Her side, is most certain!"

Chakram quickly decides that saying something is a better way to keep from laughing than having to bite the insides of her cheeks. So she takes a step forward and puts in, "Kamapua, if I may - is there anything that we can do for you? Do you wish us to arrange your release? Or did you simply wish to," her nostrils flare at the effort of controlling inopportune amusement again, "Educate Vo...Pætros about him having backed the wrong pig?"

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

Rolzup wrote:: "Yes!" Pætros seizes upon this like Gepettojack upon an unattended orphan. "Yes, yes! Is seeing! Is clear, Glorious Treasure of Heavens is deity worth reckoning upon! But is being place for you by Her side, is most certain!"

"Hmm," Gepettojack muses while absentmindedly lifting the wallet from a passerby. "This will require some reworking of our theology of the Trinity. How do we fit in a new pig to The G-LD, The Treyf, and The Invisible Hand?"

His eyes open wide, like at the delight of seeing an unattended orphan. "Treasure and Kamapua are both The Treyf!
One of the three parts of our god in three parts is in two parts! It's like a three-sided coin, where one of the three sides is itself a two-sided coin!"

"It doesn't get much more ineffable than that! It's so confusing that we can make a fortune off of classes and education. And we can sell courses to rich actors to learn about this New Science of Mentals!"

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: “You…you is for being confused, Kamapua. Is probably being because of motion sickness, yes? Glorious Treasure of Heavens is true god, muchly divine. Is to have been performing miracles, of many sorts. Divine guidances, even. Has made dragon-pervert into prophet! If is not being miracle, is not knowing what is!”

There in an increasing tone of desperation in Pætros' voice, one entirely at odd with the growing grin on Vox’s face. "This was almost worth it," he murmurs when the Porcophant falls silent for a moment.

"Is blasphemy! Heresy! Glorious Treasure of Heavens has touched many lives, made souls and pockets muchly lighter!"

Kamapua's muscular face shows brief annoyance, then shifts to a countenance of compassion. "Perhaps some of my divine energy has gathered around this... Treasure... like light reflecting off some multi-faceted gemstone, but I assure you that it is true, my priest. Paetros, behold your god."

Mallus wrote:: "It's true, Lord Kamapua" blurts out Yatagan, his silent vow to keep silent lasting all of minute or so. "Long before Pætros arrived from across the Aster Sea my friend Odanais was performing miracles in the name of Treasure. I watched him heal the grievous wounds delivered by a sexy wraith with my own eyes."

"Truly she is <edit> divine. And single..."

Rolzup wrote:: "Yes!" Pætros seizes upon this like Gepettojack upon an unattended orphan. "Yes, yes! Is seeing! Is clear, Glorious Treasure of Heavens is deity worth reckoning upon! But is being place for you by Her side, is most certain!"

shilsen wrote:: Chakram quickly decides that saying something is a better way to keep from laughing than having to bite the insides of her cheeks. So she takes a step forward and puts in, "Kamapua, if I may - is there anything that we can do for you? Do you wish us to arrange your release? Or did you simply wish to," her nostrils flare at the effort of controlling inopportune amusement again, "Educate Vo...Pætros about him having backed the wrong pig?"

"It is finished," intones Kamapua. "I forgive you, for you knew not what you did."

Kamapua looks around briefly, then focuses its gaze back at Vox. "Truly, you are, at last, with me here in Hell, my priest. And my long suffering will soon be at an end."

As Kamapua says those words, Vox feels an uncomfortable surge of divine energy flow through him, empowering the persona of Paetros within. For a moment, Vox's companions even see the face of Paetros upon him.

"Into your hands, Paetros," says Kamapua, "I commit all hopes for my survival. Save me."

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

gridley wrote:: Kamapua's muscular face shows brief annoyance, then shifts to a countenance of compassion. "Perhaps some of my divine energy has gathered around this... Treasure... like light reflecting off some multi-faceted gemstone, but I assure you that it is true, my priest. Paetros, behold your god."

"Yes, it is like I said. There is only one Treyf, with only one nature, but in two forms. The Treyf, the Treasure, and the Surfing Pig. And the Treasure flows from the Treyf alone."

Gepettojack looks at Kamapua's annoyance.

"No, make that 'from the Treyf, AND from the Surfing Pig.'"

"There, that'll make it clear enough for posterity."

OOC: Yes! I don't think Gepettojack has desecrated Orthodox theology before! And it fits the IC conflict well too!

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: "It is finished," intones Kamapua. "I forgive you, for you knew not what you did."

Kamapua looks around briefly, then focuses its gaze back at Vox. "Truly, you are, at last, with me here in Hell, my priest. And my long suffering will soon be at an end."

As Kamapua says those words, Vox feels an uncomfortable surge of divine energy flow through him, empowering the persona of Paetros within. For a moment, Vox's companions even see the face of Paetros upon him.

"Into your hands, Paetros," says Kamapua, "I commit all hopes for my survival. Save me."

"Wait one damned minute," Vox begins, "This isn't my problem, and I want nothing to do with...."

"Is for being silent."

The voice carries, and briefly spreads a ripple of silence across the crowd.

Vox raises his left hand, much to his own alarm, and traces a symbol in the air. It burns with a sickly blue light, and then flares diamond-bright for an instant before vanishing.

"Am to be swearing, by blood, by life, by soul: Pætros is to be saving you, Kamapua. You is being aspect of Glorious Treasure of Heavens, even if not knowing it -- time is for being funny thing, and causality is being game for suckers. This, Pætros swears."

Vox's body bows deep, and then straightens up with a grand gesture.

"Well, fuck me," Vox voice says bitterly into the ringing silence.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: "Yes!" Pætros seizes upon this like Gepettojack upon an unattended orphan. "Yes, yes! Is seeing! Is clear, Glorious Treasure of Heavens is deity worth reckoning upon!"

A flash of insight strikes Yatagan's brain even though it's an exceedingly small target. "Unless Odanais's prayers were being answered by another deity! A deity that wished to stay hidden! For example, in a valiant knight's metal trousers."

He pauses as more theological revelations fly fast and furious around him.

"That would explain a lot about Treasure, actually."

gridley wrote:: "I forgive you, for you knew not what you did."

"Splendid!"

gridley wrote:: "Save me."

Yatagan waits for Paetros-in-Vox to complete his (their?) mystic oath then says, "It would be our pleasure, Lord Kamapua. Forgive my indelicate observation, but you seem to be in no danger of winning this contest. Our future salvation by way of your present salvation looks like a simple matter of acquiring you once you've been voted out. Can you tell us who put you up?"

Atlatl Jones wrote:: "And we can sell courses to rich actors to learn about this New Science of Mentals!"

"Even Lizzie can get behind a religion which impoverishes the undeserving rich! Well done Mr. Fagin, well done."

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OOC: Asynchronous conversation go!

gridley wrote:: Illuyankas stirs at your voice, but seems to be having difficulty lifting its head. It looks up at you from the floor of its muck-encrusted cage, staring at you through heavily-lidded eyes, and says, "Are you... are you... a talking fish?"

They've poisoned the messenger in hopes of poisoning the message! thinks Yatagan. The fiends! Well, yes, I suppose that's exactly what they are..."

Yatagan bids the dazed and confused dragon adieu. He'll try his healing magics later, when they're alone. He'll also inquire about possible antidotes with Mr. Fagin, seeing as he's the local god-drugging expert.

Mallus wrote:: Two dark dwarves stand near Conroy's cage, watching anyone who come close and making small talk about how much they drank last night.

Yatagan opens his mouth and a melange of Port ghetto slang, Clutch hillbilly patois, and local Hellish phrasing comes out. In his mind this registers as appropriately 'duergar'.

"Comrades! T'is a G-LDdamned shame to be jawing 'bout how much you got yr drink on yestereve anna not drinkin' presently. I'ma bout to bust open a flask of brandy OOC: it's really Pernod. Taint beer, nor dwarven-made, but I'll bet the barb on my tail it's flammable." He offers the flask to the guards. "Can you tell me a tale of tha' burnin' bling yr guardin'? How canna keep from lookin' at it? Who owns the 'ol fiery bastard?"

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Rolzup wrote:: "Wait one damned minute," Vox begins, "This isn't my problem, and I want nothing to do with...."

"Is for being silent."

The voice carries, and briefly spreads a ripple of silence across the crowd.

Vox raises his left hand, much to his own alarm, and traces a symbol in the air. It burns with a sickly blue light, and then flares diamond-bright for an instant before vanishing.

"Am to be swearing, by blood, by life, by soul: Pætros is to be saving you, Kamapua. You is being aspect of Glorious Treasure of Heavens, even if not knowing it -- time is for being funny thing, and causality is being game for suckers. This, Pætros swears."

Vox's body bows deep, and then straightens up with a grand gesture.

A few Tieflings in the crowd seem moved by the event and begin clapping.

Kamapua, seeming suddenly tired, nods to Vox and then lies down in its cage.

Mallus wrote:: Yatagan waits for Paetros-in-Vox to complete his (their?) mystic oath then says, "It would be our pleasure, Lord Kamapua. Forgive my indelicate observation, but you seem to be in no danger of winning this contest. Our future salvation by way of your present salvation looks like a simple matter of acquiring you once you've been voted out. Can you tell us who put you up?"

"He is called Suweeginus," says Kamapua, stifling a yawn. "And you shall know him by his coat of quills."

Yatagan sees no one in the immediate area wearing such a coat.

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gridley wrote:: Yatagan sees no one in the immediate area wearing such a coat.

OOC: if he's got time in between all the god-n-guard chatting up, Yatagan will take a spin through the crowd looking for old quill-coat.

Streetwise: 23

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Mallus wrote:: Yatagan bids the dazed and confused dragon adieu. He'll try his healing magics later, when they're alone. He'll also inquire about possible antidotes with Mr. Fagin, seeing as he's the local god-drugging expert.

When clinking two gold coins together doesn't rouse the mighty dragon, Fagin shrugs. "Maybe some coffee?"

Mallus wrote:: Yatagan opens his mouth and a melange of Port ghetto slang, Clutch hillbilly patois, and local Hellish phrasing comes out. In his mind this registers as appropriately 'duergar'.

"Comrades! T'is a G-LDdamned shame to be jawing 'bout how much you got yr drink on yestereve anna not drinkin' presently. I'ma bout to bust open a flask of brandy OOC: it's really Pernod. Taint beer, nor dwarven-made, but I'll bet the barb on my tail it's flammable." He offers the flask to the guards. "Can you tell me a tale of tha' burnin' bling yr guardin'? How canna keep from lookin' at it? Who owns the 'ol fiery bastard?"

The dwarfs look at each other and start chatting.
"He's not as inspiring up close."
"It's obvious from his speech that something strange is happening in his brain."
"Conroy madness?"
"Or an irritatingly fast-paced one man show about a really determined ugly person."

The one on the left accepts the flask and takes a long sip, then offers it to his partner who declines.

"He has horrible breath."
"Weaponized halitosis."
"He should be more careful with it. I think it wrinkled my brain."
"Just be glad he hasn't ejaculated."
"Gross."
"You're the one sharing his mouth cooties."

The one who refused the flask looks at Yatagan and says:

"The burning bling is called Conroy. Our boss Misquamacas bought him off some soft, hornless, pink skinned, surface-dwelling savages on the mainland. He likes to burn."
"And spin," adds his partner.

Mallus wrote:

gridley wrote:: Yatagan sees no one in the immediate area wearing such a coat.

OOC: if he's got time in between all the god-n-guard chatting up, Yatagan will take a spin through the crowd looking for old quill-coat.

Streetwise: 23

Yatagan asks around, but can't find anyone who has seen the man in the quill coat today.

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gridley wrote:: "It's obvious from his speech that something strange is happening in his brain."

"Pardon me" says Yatagan, letting the accent slip without missing a beat. "I speak in tongues from time to time. Perils of the faith trade."

Quote :: "Conroy madness?"

"Does the god truly cause madness?"

Quote :: "Or an irritatingly fast-paced one man show about a really determined ugly person."

Knives and nails may pierce my scales, but words can never hurt me thinks Yatagan.

Quote :: "Weaponized halitosis."

"Look, we can't all breathe fire and lightning." Yatagan sounds a tad defensive.

Quote :: "The burning bling is called Conroy. Our boss Misquamacas bought him off some soft, hornless, pink skinned, surface-dwelling savages on the mainland. He likes to burn."
"And spin," adds his partner.

"Does it ever speak? Or just spin? And burn..." Yatagan's voice trails off as he fails to avert his eyes from the god. After a while he asks "Where can I find this Misquamacas?"

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gridley wrote:: "He is called Suweeginus," says Kamapua, stifling a yawn. "And you shall know him by his coat of quills."

Yatagan sees no one in the immediate area wearing such a coat.

Vox summons a sickly smile, bows to Kampua, and turns away to surveil the crowd.

"This is hardly fair," Vox mutters under his breath. "First I lose control of my voicebox, and then my limbs? I have jurisdiction over bodiless spirits, you know! I could exorcise you, cast you out, get you assigned to some sort of community service program for wayward souls...I've done it before, you know!"

Is god involved, you is knowing. GodS, even. If causing trouble for Pætros, will not end well. But if for HELPING, Not-Quite-Dead-Man? Might be getting something in return, yes?

"Fine," Vox snarls. "Fine. But let me do things my way, damn you. I'll not have you getting me killed, not here at any rate. Hell is no place to spend time when you're dead."

He bows his head for a moment, listening to the susurrus of the crowd, and then Vox nods to himself. He circulates slowly through the crowd, listening to snippets of conversation, and fiding just the right ears to drop just the right words into....

OOC: Streetwise 28 -- just looking to find out anything at all about Suweeginus...although that name's a clue in and of itself, damn you.

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Rolzup wrote:: OOC: Streetwise 28 -- just looking to find out anything at all about Suweeginus...although that name's a clue in and of itself, damn you.

OOC: can Yatagan run into Vox and inform him where Suweeginus is not ie, turn his Streetwise check into Aid Another?