The Wrong Pig

Mallus wrote:

"Does the god truly cause madness?"

"That's what they say."
"A hundred thousand flying monkeys can't be wrong."
"Unless they're stupid."
"Good point."
"Stupid, stupid flying monkeys."

Mallus wrote:

"Does it ever speak? Or just spin? And burn..." Yatagan's voice trails off as he fails to avert his eyes from the god.

"He speaks to his worshipers."
"I never heard him speak."
"Do you worship him?"
"Not really. Why? Do you?"
"No. I was eavesdropping. I think they thought I was a statue."
"What did he say?"
"Do I look like I speak flying monkey?"
"No...."

Mallus wrote:

After a while he asks "Where can I find this Misquamacas?"

"Going through and under things."
"And in an out of them!"
"True. He's going to that party tonight."
"Are we going?"
"Probably not. He says I cramp his style."
"What about me?"
"I'm not sure he even knows who you are."
"Does too. That's mean."
"The world is mean. I just live in it."

Mallus wrote:

OOC: can Yatagan run into Vox and inform him where Suweeginus is not ie, turn his Streetwise check into Aid Another?

ooc: Sure. Why not...

Rolzup wrote:

He bows his head for a moment, listening to the susurrus of the crowd, and then Vox nods to himself. He circulates slowly through the crowd, listening to snippets of conversation, and fiding just the right ears to drop just the right words into....

OOC: Streetwise 28 -- just looking to find out anything at all about Suweeginus...although that name's a clue in and of itself, damn you.

Suweeginus seems to be mostly unknown by the crowd, however as Vox is questioning a Tiefling janitor who seems more concerned with holding onto his armload of very large slugs than sharing any information, a wooden marionette walks by, without the aid of strings, then turns to Vox and says, "Did you say, Suweeginus?"

The marionette grabs the front of Vox's shirt and yanks it down until the Shaddar-Kai bends down to his level. Vox notices with a start that someone had put real bleeding eyeballs in this puppets wooden eye sockets and a living, though somewhat rotted tongue, inside its wooden mouth.

"I know that guy," says the marionette, as a couple maggots crawl across the surface of his tongue. "I got hired by him a couple days ago to help unload a cart of pineapples for his pet pig up there. Kinda fat for a Tiefling, nice sideburns, real thick Nessus accent, sweet as hell hedgehogskin coat. I think he's staying at the big hotel a few blocks south of here. Say, if you find him, tell him old Thrusty Robert is available if he needs any more pineapples unloaded... or loaded... or... you know... raped."

The marionette pats its crotch, gives a nod and walks off whistling.

Horns are blown to signify the judging is about to begin. If anyone was intending to make any speeches on any of the gods' behalves, this would be their last chance.

ooc: Three posts in a row. I must be the dungeon master!

gridley wrote:

"A hundred thousand flying monkeys can't be wrong."

Aha! thinks Yatagan. Grist for the truth-mill!

Quote :

He's going to that party tonight."

"A party? I adore parties. Whereabouts?"

When they finish their spiel, Yatagan thanks them for answering his questions and says, "There is such a natural and amusing patter between you two! You'd be perfect as secondary characters! Have you ever considered a career in theater? If you're ever in the Port, look me up. Yatagan Fracas. I've already got one hit play under my belt --not to mention a god! You could be in the next."

Yatagan hurries to rejoin his companions as the horns blow. A title pops into the spacious interior of his head: Rosenfranz and Sturmunddrang are Beaten to Death. He forgets it almost immediately and inadvertently focuses on the task at hand. As Yatagan trundles into earshot of his co-conspirators, he's already speaking rapidly, even though he's out of breath. "... of Kamapua we should say nothing. He was next-to-last in the previous round. Let us draw no further attention to him. Now Conroy on the other hand..."

OOC: speech forthcoming.

Mallus wrote:

"A party? I adore parties. Whereabouts?"

"I don't know. Someone didn't invite me!"
"That's because nobody knows who you are."
"You know who I am."
"Case in point. The party's at some joint on the outskirts of Malsheem."
"Malsheem? Who goes to Malsheem for a party..."
"Come on. Don't be that way. You're better than that."

Mallus wrote:

When they finish their spiel, Yatagan thanks them for answering his questions and says, "There is such a natural and amusing patter between you two! You'd be perfect as secondary characters! Have you ever considered a career in theater? If you're ever in the Port, look me up. Yatagan Fracas, manager and chief playwright of the Miracle Pig Theater Company. I've already got one hit play under my belt --not to mention a god!. You could be in the next."

The one who took the flask takes Yatagan's card. He shows it to his partner who looks at it and makes a face.

"Show business is all right, but I think I'd missing killing people."
"You could always kill people on your own time."
"Nah, then I'd just be a murderer. I like the impunity and respectability that comes with getting paid for it."
"Yeah."

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan hurries to rejoin his companions as the horns blow. A title pops into the spacious interior of his head: Rosenfranz and Sturmunddrang are Beaten to Death. He's already speaking rapidly as he trundles into earshot of his co-conspirators, even though he's out of breath. "... of Kamapua we should say nothing. He was next-to-last in the previous round. Let us draw no further attention to him. Now Conroy on the other hand..."

OOC: speech forthcoming.

ooc: Hooo boy....

gridley wrote:

"I know that guy," says the marionette, as a couple maggots crawl across the surface of his tongue. "I got hired by him a couple days ago to help unload a cart of pineapples for his pet pig up there. Kinda fat for a Tiefling, nice sideburns, real thick Nessus accent, sweet as hell hedgehogskin coat. I think he's staying at the big hotel a few blocks south of here. Say, if you find him, tell him old Thrusty Robert is available if he needs any more pineapples unloaded... or loaded... or... you know... raped."

The marionette pats its crotch, gives a nod and walks off whistling.

Vox watches it leave, grimacing. "I hate this place," he says softly, in a voice dangerously close to becoming a whine. "I really, really do."

He jerks his head up the sound of the horns. "Not enough time to seek Suweeginus out now -- surely he'll be on hand for the judging, though. We can brace him there, or make...." Vox closes his eyes, swallows the sour taste filling his mouth. "...make other plans."

Will suffice, am supposing. Am for being ready for takings of bold actions!

"Joy."

In shining armor Yatagan at least looks the part of a paladin in Hell, fearless and bright amidst an army of fiends. He strides forth boldly and... orates.

"It is said the measure of an insult is it's target. Only the bold and cunning can insult a Duke of Hell and live. Any fool can aim a jape at a wine-addled beggar."

"It is also said the measure of god is it's worshipers."

"Let me speak, briefly of Conroy and Kommeral."

"Conroy is the god of a race of filthy winged monkeys, little more than pigeons with opposable thumbs! Whose greatest achievement is to shit whilst still in flight. How much boldness and cunning does it take to insult... them? Worse, Conroy was purchased out of slavery. Even the winged monkeys loved him not."

"Kommeral is a god of the Eldadrin, the most ancient and mighty of the Fae. A race who calls their home "The Blessed Isle" as if there was are doubt as to how full of themselves they are! Kommeral is adored by the Eldadrin, why they threatened genocide upon her disappearance. Truly they are a race worth disrespecting!

"The measure of an insult is it's target, and the measure of a god is it's flock!"

OOC: Yatagan uses Befriend prior to speaking, and assuming Chakram is around: Diplomacy - 46.

OOC: rolling would be nice...

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 5

OOC: okay... Yatagan uses the re-roll ability on his Choker of Eloquence.

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 20

Mallus wrote:

In shining armor Yatagan at least looks the part of a paladin in Hell, fearless and bright amidst an army of fiends. He strides forth boldly and... orates.

"It is said the measure of an insult is it's target. Only the bold and cunning can insult a Duke of Hell and live. Any fool can aim a jape at a wine-addled beggar."

"It is also said the measure of god is it's worshipers."

"Let me speak, briefly of Conroy and Kommeral."

"Conroy is the god of a race of filthy winged monkeys, little more than pigeons with opposable thumbs! Whose greatest achievement is to shit whilst still in flight. How much boldness and cunning does it take to insult... them? Worse, Conroy was purchased out of slavery. Even the winged monkeys loved him not."

"Kommeral is a god of the Eldadrin, the most ancient and mighty of the Fae. A race who calls their home "The Blessed Isle" as if there was are doubt as to how full of themselves they are! Kommeral is adored by the Eldadrin, why they threatened genocide upon her disappearance. Truly they are a race worth disrespecting!

"The measure of an insult is it's target, and the measure of a god is it's flock!"

OOC: Yatagan uses Befriend prior to speaking, and assuming Chakram is around: Diplomacy - 46.

ooc: best reroll ever!

The assembled crowds begin to cheer the moment they see Yatagan climbing unsteadily onto his soapbox (pope box? travesty box?). Once he begins to speak, it is clear to all in attendance that they are the rabble and he is just the Dragonborn to rouse them. With chants of "Bless this!" and "Fuck that monkey god!" they are clearly incited.

Yatagan can't help hearing two all-too familiar voices over the roar of the crowd.

"See now! That's what I'm talking about!"
"Yeah, that was some classic... um... that guy."
"I totally drank out of his flask!"
"If the boss was smart, he'd put him in a cage."
"Or hire him."
"Yeah, although I sort of like the idea of him in a cage."

The judges make no visible sign of being stirred by Yatagan's speech, but when the horns are blown again, the results speak for themselves.

The standings for this round in order of votes: Lady Kommarel, Conroy, Illuyankas. Yehov and Kamapua, being tied for last place, are both eliminated from the competition.

Maror and Charoset slap Yatagan on the back as he steps down.
"Maybe we chose the wrong groom," says Charoset.
"If only he wasn't Dragonborn," mumbles Maror.

gridley wrote:

pope box? travesty box?

OOC: I really like 'pope box'.

Quote :

"See now! That's what I'm talking about!"
"Yeah, that was some classic... um... that guy."
"I totally drank out of his flask!"
"If the boss was smart, he'd put him in a cage."
"Or hire him."
"Yeah, although I sort of like the idea of him in a cage."

Yatagan wants to hire these guys as retainers.

Quote :

"Maybe we chose the wrong groom," says Charoset.

"No, no" Yatagan assures them, "Mr. Fagin is a man of great knowledge and faith whose use of the disadvantaged to his advantage is without peer. If you would pardon me, I have a meeting with a melech." Yatagan rushes over to the pen Illuyankas is kept in, procuring the Infernal equivalent of a double espresso along the way, if he can.

With another day at the festival drawing to a close, two hulking demons come and drag the god Yehov away in chains. "You can't do this to me!" he shouts. "I created all this!"
"Yeah," grunts one of the demons. "Well, apparently you did a shitty job."

Five skinny Tieflings in very dark suits and very dark eyeglasses arrive at Kamapua's kennel, carrying five rolls of very dark silken cloth, and quickly get to work covering the roof and sides of the cage. There is no sign of the quill-coated Suweeginus.

At about the same, a messenger imp appears remarkably suddenly in front of Chakram and Fagin and holds out a scroll. Upon it is written: "That which you seek is not for sale. Inquire no more. The Cult of Beautiful Pain."

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan wants to hire these guys as retainers.

Hehe.... They say everything is for sale in the Port of Brass.

Mallus wrote:

"No, no" Yatagan assures them, "Mr. Fagin is a man of great knowledge and faith whose use of the disadvantaged to his advantage is without peer. If you would pardon me, I have a meeting with a melech." Yatagan rushes over to the pen Illuyankas is kept in, procuring the Infernal equivalent of a double espresso along the way, if he can.

Yatagan is granted his audience with the dragon Illuyankas. After receiving a large dose of caffeine, the great dragon stirs a bit.

"Fracas," it says, slowly, it's mouth gummy and weak. "I dreamt you were a fish."

gridley wrote:

Hehe.... They say everything is for sale in the Port of Brass.

OOC: how's the mouthy dwarf market these days? Is the bubble over?

Quote :

"Fracas," it says, slowly, it's mouth gummy and weak. "I dreamt you were a fish."

"Allow me to minister to you."

Yatagan tries to Lay-on-Hands (tail). If he can't reach the dragon's body, he'll heal him with Majestic Word..

"I have questions for you, Illuyankas, ere you sleep. Where were you digging? What were you looking for? And can I do for you when you are voted out? For rest assured, you shall not "win" a trip to the abattoir."

gridley wrote:

Five skinny Tieflings in very dark suits and very dark eyeglasses arrive at Kamapua's kennel, carrying five rolls of very dark silken cloth, and quickly get to work covering the ceiling and sides of the cage. There is no sign of the quill-coated Suweeginus.

"Remember," Vox hisses as he approaches, "Let me handle this!"

"Gentlemen!" he calls. "I would speak with your master, regarding the disposition of this diety! Where is he, so that I might settle matters quickly, and to the satisfaction of all?"

Dexter, meanwhile, skitters to the side, dodging between hellish footfalls, until it reaches the far side of the cage.

OOC: Stealth 35 for Dexter. Of course I have a plan! Ah, how big is this cage, anyway? How much room inside of it?

The member 'Rolzup' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 11

Mallus wrote:

OOC: how's the mouthy dwarf market these days? Is the bubble over?

Just wait til Lizzy signs them to the union.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan tries to Lay-on-Hands (tail). If he can't reach the dragon's body, he'll heal him with Majestic Word..

"I have questions for you, Illuyankas, ere you sleep. Where were you digging? What were you looking for? And can I do for you when you are voted out? For rest assured, you shall not "win" and be slaughtered."

As decreed in the letter from the festival supervisor, Yatagan is actually allowed inside the kennel, so he is able to lay-on-tail, healing some of the dragon's wounds.

"Thank you for easing the pain," says Illuyankas. "I was sent that I might pave the way for you, so that you can do that which you are destined to do. The ritual that you seek, believed to be lost these many centuries by they who cast it, lies buried within the diamond-hard obsidian that protects the ruins of Pandemonium. I dug until my muscles were torn and my claws were shattered, yet fear that I did little but mark the site for you... for there is so much farther to go. I am sorry to have failed you..."

The dragon has a sudden coughing fit, drawing tears to its eyes and flecks of blood to its mouth.

"I have no fear, Fracas. I shall stay Without for only as long as you have need of me. You have but to say the word and I shall be released from all this... to return to Within."

Rolzup wrote:

"Remember," Vox hisses as he approaches, "Let me handle this!"

"Gentlemen!" he calls. "I would speak with your master, regarding the disposition of this diety! Where is he, so that I might settle matters quickly, and to the satisfaction of all?"

The very darkly clad gentleman on top of the cage, having finished his work, hops down to speak to Vox.

"Greetings, sir," he says cheerfully, glancing at you over the top of his very dark glasses. "My name is Elroy. Cruise Elroy to be specific. How may I be of assistance?"

Rolzup wrote:

Dexter, meanwhile, skitters to the side, dodging between hellish footfalls, until it reaches the far side of the cage.

OOC: Stealth 35 for Dexter. Of course I have a plan! Ah, how big is this cage, anyway? How much room inside of it?

ooc: Oh, I know you do!

Dexter makes his way apparently unnoticed. The cage is huge (3x3), while Kamapua is merely large (2x2).

gridley wrote:

Rolzup wrote:

"Remember," Vox hisses as he approaches, "Let me handle this!"

"Gentlemen!" he calls. "I would speak with your master, regarding the disposition of this diety! Where is he, so that I might settle matters quickly, and to the satisfaction of all?"

The very darkly clad gentleman on top of the cage, having finished his work, hops down to speak to Vox.

"Greetings, sir," he says cheerfully, glancing at you over the top of his very dark glasses. "My name is Elroy. Cruise Elroy to be specific. How may I be of assistance?"

Vox bows, "A pleasure, good sir. I will not waste your time or mine with obfuscation; I would like to take possession of this Kamapua, for --while he seems a poor god, at best -- my patron has a use for him. I assume that I will need to speak directly to your employer?"

Blasphemy? Is really to be thinking is good idea?

Rolzup wrote:

Vox bows, "A pleasure, good sir. I will not waste your time or mine with obfuscation; I would like to take possession of this Kamapua, for --while he seems a poor god, at best -- my patron has a use for him. I assume that I will need to speak directly to your employer?"

Blasphemy? Is really to be thinking is good idea?

Cruise Elroy casually glances over his shoulder, surveying the work of his comrades who are almost done concealing the cage in very dark fabric.

"Yes, indeed," says Cruise Elroy with a wide grin. "My boys and I are merely in charge of the delivery. Our employer, Mr. Suweeginus, is staying at the Hotel Gehenna. Although I am give to believe that he's checking out today and sailing home in the evening if that helps."

gridley wrote:

"Yes, indeed," says Cruise Elroy with a wide grin. "My boys and I are merely in charge of the delivery. Our employer, Mr. Suweeginus, is staying at the Hotel Gehenna. Although I am give to believe that he's checking out today and sailing home in the evening if that helps."

"I see, I see. And what is to be done with the god, if I may ask? Are you bringing it to Mr. Suweeginus, or do you have other instructions -- assuming that this is no secret, of course."

gridley wrote:

The ritual that you seek, believed to be lost these many centuries by they who cast it, lies buried within the diamond-hard obsidian that protects the ruins of Pandemonium. I dug until my muscles were torn and my claws were shattered, yet fear that I did little but mark the site for you... for there is so much farther to go. I am sorry to have failed you..."

"I am grateful for your effort. We shall seek your mark and free the ritual from its black glass tomb". Yatagan is pleased to finally be sounding like the hero of the cheap paperback fiction he's so fond of.

Quote :

"You have but to say the word and I shall be released from all this... to return to the Within."

"I shall speak it soon. If I speak it softly, or from far away, will you hear?"

With a deep bow, Yatagan bids farewell to the dragon. He'll inform the rest of the group of the ritual's approximate location and of Illuyankas's imminent departure.

Rolzup wrote:

"I see, I see. And what is to be done with the god, if I may ask? Are you bringing it to Mr. Suweeginus, or do you have other instructions -- assuming that this is no secret, of course."

"Mister Elroy," calls one of the workers.

"Excuse me one moment," he tells Vox, as he walks around the kennel, taking some time to inspect that everything has been done correctly, straightening the very dark fabric here and there, tucking it in place in the corners.

"Well, as I understand it," he continues finally, "Kamapua is the guest of honor at some sort of party tonight in Nessus."

Cruise Elroy pulls a short, straight stick carved from some very dark species of wood out of of his jacket pocket and taps it lightly on the very dark fabric. The black-wrapped caged shimmers for a moment, then turns jet black.

"I understand it's to be a barbecue."

The sheets of very dark fabric suddenly collapse to the ground. The cage and Kamapua are gone!

ooc: It's up to you whether Dexter was in the cage or not when it vanished.

Mallus wrote:

"I shall speak it soon. If I speak it softly, or from far away, will you hear?"

"I'm afraid that I might not be able to hear you under those circumstances," says the dragon, chagrined.