The Wrong Pig

Rolzup wrote:

Vox drops low, letting Vern slash the air above him, and then leaps straight up, and over the cook. He lands hard, swaying for a moment to maintain his balance, and then taps Vern on the shoulder while whispering "Boo."

OOC: All right, let's try thinking out of the box.... Acrobatics check to somersault over Vern, and land on the narrow edge behind him: 36

Tap him on the shoulder, when he spins around, use his momentum to pitch him into the lava and push Vox back onto solid ground. Not sure what skill to use for that, but will roll anyway: 19 + Something.

Character sheet is here,, but potential skills?

• Acrobatics: 18
  
• Athletics: 15
  
• Bluff: 13
  
• Endurance: 11
  
• Insight: 8
  
• Intimidate: 13
  
• Thievery: 20

And finally, Dexter will make another Thievery check: 42

Now those were some nice rolls, by god.

HP: 28/68 , AC: 28 Fort: 22, Ref: 26, Will: 23

Vox leaps expertly over Vern's head, pushing him to the edge of the lava, where he teeters off balance for a moment before dropping to his knees safe on the stone.

Dexter frees Kamapua, who rips his burnt skin from the red hot metal of the grill and manages to crawl onto the relative coolness of a nearby stone before collapsing.

Bubba takes off in a brisk run, yelling "Damn, Vern, come on! We're getting outta here!"

Vern makes it to his feet and follows him.

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 13

Chakram pokes one of the nearby corpses with her falchion, chuckling quietly to herself, and then turns her focus to Vox. Stepping over to the edge of the closest pit, she says, "Looks like this place doesn't agree with you, Vox. Here!"

As she speaks, the tiefling-turned-demon flourishes her sword, flicking a spray of the blood coating it at the shadar-kai. Where it hits, his skin sizzles painfully for a moment, before a warm (if slightly painful) healing glow penetrates his scorched and battered body. Chakram's own demonic form continues to heal, rapidly closing all of the wounds that the chains had inflicted upon it.

"Now," she says, looking around for more enemies, "Perhaps you should collect your god so we can leave?"

OOC: Use Ardent Surge on Vox, letting him spend a healing surge and heal an extra 10 hp, and use her Second Wind.

HP 93/93; Healing surges/day 8 (23 hp); AC 26, Fort 28, Ref 27, Will 27; resist fire 16; regeneration 4; damage bonus (Diabolic Transformation & Wrath of the Gods) +7

In effect: Potion of Clarity

PP remaining: 0

The member 'shilsen' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd6' : 3, 6, 1

Yatagan catches his breath as the grillmasters flee. "Wise choice. You're immortal. T'would have been a pity to die today." Turning to Chakram he remarks, "You command a wonderfully poetic form of magic. Turning blood to balm... I shall have to use that for an upcoming character. With your permission, of course."

Yatagan speaks a word. His armor becomes terrycloth-clad once more. Full of good cheer and misplaced chivalry, he helps Chakram across the lava channels. The paladin takes stock of the injured god and bureaucrat, considers the theological implications of attempting to heal the already divine, and calls upon the power of the Dragon Within. With a prayer and a quick flip of the tail, Kamapua and Vox are healed.

"Now Mr. Cadaveris, I presume we are to affect our escape through Death's domain. So if you would be so kind as to open the portal. I feel like I'm being baked alive in my own scales."

OOC: use Second Wind, healing Daily from Pelor's Sun Blessing on Kamapua, and Lay On Hands (tail) on Vox. Both of these are powered by the Dragon Within.

Vox, swaying a little, nods. "It's not a quick process, not normally, but it feels as though there's been a lot of death here. That should help. As should the presence of Kamapua." Vox bows to the boar with apparent sincerity, and manages to catch himself before topping over entirely.

"Keep a watch, let me work."

OOC: Takes 10 minutes to cast Shadow Passage under normal circumstances; Vox will pull whatever mystical, bureaucratic, or symbolic strings he can in order to speed things up. Pætros knows the same ritual -- possible the two of them can work in tandem in some bizarre and uncomfortable way.

Rolzup wrote:

Vox, swaying a little, nods. "It's not a quick process, not normally, but it feels as though there's been a lot of death here. That should help. As should the presence of Kamapua." Vox bows to the boar with apparent sincerity, and manages to catch himself before topping over entirely.

"Keep a watch, let me work."

OOC: Takes 10 minutes to cast Shadow Passage under normal circumstances; Vox will pull whatever mystical, bureaucratic, or symbolic strings he can in order to speed things up. Pætros knows the same ritual -- possible the two of them can work in tandem in some bizarre and uncomfortable way.

Kamapua seems somewhat helped by Yatagan's healing, although his exterior flesh is still uncomfortably burned and he seems greatly dehydrated. Still, he is able to summon up some divine energy to invigorate Vox's ritual.

Vox parts the veil around you and instantly you are surrounded by screaming. Where previously hunks of cooking meat once hung all around you, there are now whole animals howling and honking, attempting to pull their immortal souls free from their cruel hooks. Vox cringes slightly as it is an egregious breech of Celestial protocol to cook an animal with it's soul still attached. He has heard of demons seasoning their meat by torturing the soul still adhered to it, but had hoped to never see it happening.

Three of those animals being cooked happen to be Human children and one is a young Eladrin woman. While their earthly bodies are certainly dead, the tattered state of their mutilated souls is what is truly horrifying. They cry out to you for mercy and release.

The lava around you has become a sort of burning slag, slightly less hot, but casting noxious fumes that penetrate your very beings. Other than that, the chamber is much the same, with a wrought iron spiral staircase leading out.

Righteous indignation does wonders for Vox, clearing the last of the heat-stroke induced frog from his head. "This," he snaps, "Will not stand. The dead have rights, dammit! You lot, free the animals! They'll add to the confusion as we make our escape, and we'll certainly need it! I'll do what I can for these poor souls."

As quickly and gently as possible, Vox will attempt to extricate the children's souls. If Kamapua is strong enough, he can carry them up the stairs. If he's not, well....

Rolzup wrote:

Righteous indignation does wonders for Vox, clearing the last of the heat-stroke induced frog from his head. "This," he snaps, "Will not stand. The dead have rights, dammit! You lot, free the animals! They'll add to the confusion as we make our escape, and we'll certainly need it! I'll do what I can for these poor souls."

As quickly and gently as possible, Vox will attempt to extricate the children's souls. If Kamapua is strong enough, he can carry them up the stairs. If he's not, well....

It's a bit tricky, but with determination, all of the souls are freed from their hooks. The animal souls mostly scurry and flutter off to parts unknown. A few slink aimlessly about beneath the hooks they hung from, uncertain what to do next.

Kamapua kneels down to allow the souls of the children onto his back, then proceeds to leap mightily across the burning slag and lead the way upstairs.

The soul of the Eladrin woman follows, sobbing to itself.

In the living world, the restaurant-goers at the top of the stairs seem to be forming into some sort of lynch mob, arming themselves and preparing to descend into the pits in defense of their dinner. Fortunately they do no see you as you pass them by, although a few tremble and sniff in the air as though someone had just placed a particularly delicious meal upon their grave.

You make it out of the restaurant and step outside into the blissfully cool night air. It is perhaps a little too cold outside, but after the pit, no one is in the mood to complain about it. The line of diners has largely fallen apart.

Just as you are stepping clear, however, someone looks directly at Kamapua and then the rest of you and smiles a sinister smile. He is tall, extraordinarily well-dressed, and--apparently--a flesh golem. Although he is in the living world, he casts a considerable presence into the spirit realm in which you hide. He seems largely sewn together from Tiefling and demon flesh, but the upper left section of his head is quite clearly from the remains of some poor Shadar-Kai.

He drops the cigarette he was smoking, excuses himself from the group of cloaked figures he was speaking with and walks right over to you.

"Well, well," he says. "A motley crew of out-of-towners absconding through the Bloodless Lands with a purloined pig god and a smattering of orphan souls. What an utterly strange arrangement."

He chuckles to himself and locks eyes with Vox.

"My name is Magnacelsus," he says, flashing an odd silver badge in the shape of a grinning skull. "Please entertain me a bit by telling me why."

Chakram recognizes the badge as an indicator that Magnacelsus is an agent of The Charming Dead, an elite secret police force composed almost completely of the undead that answers only to Emperor Orcus. Most Tieflings consider them the most fearsome organization in the Hells.

Vox too recognizes the badge. The Celestial Bureaucracy considers the organization to be an exclusively evil, dangerously meddlesome, and all too effective shadow version of their own institution.

Chakram looks around with evident curiosity and interest. The land of the Dead is one she has had to enter only a couple of times, at the behest of Count Orquiel, for very short pieces of time. Certainly it was never in a situation like this one. This could be educational. And this group gets more and more useful. I'll have to seriously consider how best to use them.

Though the sufferings of the dead and dying bothers her not in the least, growing up in the Hells having made her immune to such sights, she moves quickly to follow Vox's command, if only to continue reinforcing her value to the group. On the way out of the area, she brings up the rear, one hand on the hilt of her sheathed falchion.

When the creature that detects their departure identifies himself, Chakram hurriedly takes her hand off the sword. Shit - this isn't good! Wondering how, if need be, she should bets extricate herself from this situation, she says nothing, looking to the others to see how they respond. She also picks out the weakest sections of Yatagan's armor and the soft spot behind Vox's neck. If they actually attack a member of the Charmed Dead, Chakram is quite certain on which side she'll be fighting. And, come to think of it, that way might lead to future advancement.

shilsen wrote:

She also picks out the weakest sections of Yatagan's armor and the soft spot behind Vox's neck. If they actually attack a member of the Charmed Dead, Chakram is quite certain on which side she'll be fighting. And, come to think of it, that way might lead to future advancement.

ooc: hehe....

Vox shrugs his buckler into place, and sets it to glowing for a fraction of a second. “Vox Cadaveris,” he says crisply, “Bureaucrat-at-large.” He seems to want to add something to this, but clamps his lips firmly shut as he snaps his fingers.

Dexter quickly scurries across his chest, reaches into Vox's coat, and produces a notebook, which it slaps into his hand.

Vox smiles thinly as he flips it open.

“This Pig-Diety has claimed religious asylum with the Church of Holy Treasure, as established with the standard complement of miracle, visions, and etc., granted to the high priest of said religion, in accordance with section MLXII, subsection Epsilon+, Paragraph 3, of the Necros Nomi, Revision 119. And these souls, having accepted a ride upon the deity’s back – as foretold – are thus accorded the status of Supplicant, First Class, and are under the god’s aegis, and thus protection.”

Flipping the notebook closed, he tosses it to Dexter, who obligingly makes it vanish again. "Now, myself, I'm here looking into recent acts of malicious viticulture, which have been traced to these isles. Happily, I was on-hand when needed here.

"And you, Magnacelsus? What happy chance bring you to this place, at this time? A taste for the Infinitely Long Pig?"

OOC: There are probably some truth scattered amongst the citations given -- Vox would always rather use a properly applied truth than a lie. Jurisdictional matters such as this are surely a matter for the GM to resolver, but let me offer a Bluff check: a mere 22, assuming that nobody backs him up.

The member 'Rolzup' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 9

Rolzup wrote:

“This Pig-Diety has claimed religious asylum with the Church of Holy Treasure, as established with the standard complement of miracle, visions, and etc., granted to the high priest of said religion, in accordance with section MLXII, subsection Epsilon+, Paragraph 3, of the <I>Necros Nomi</I>, Revision 119. And these souls, having accepted a ride upon the deity’s back – as foretold – are thus accorded the status of Supplicant, First Class, and are under the god’s aegis, and thus protection.”

Flipping the notebook closed, he tosses it to Dexter, who obligingly makes it vanish again. "Now, myself, I'm here looking into recent acts of malicious viticulture, which have been traced to these isles. Happily, I was on-hand when needed here.

"And you, Magnacelsus? What happy chance bring you to this place, at this time? A taste for the Infinitely Long Pig?"

OOC: Bravo, bravo! And Yatagan will Aid in Vox's Bluff, adding +2, and doesn't standing near Chakram adds another +2?

IC:

After Vox finishes, Yatagan says a silent prayer and then chips in with a few words intended, at least, to calm the situation. "Let me assure you Mr. Magnacelsus, our intent was to settle this in accordance to Infernal custom by either bribing, cowing, or killing the pig-god's rightful owner. But, as they say, the road, well, here is paved with intentions. Suweeginus was nowhere to be found. So we did the next best thing and simply took the swine. Was that not proper etiquette?"

Yatagan sounds completely sincere.

OOC: after using Befriend, Diplomacy: 40

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 14

gridley wrote:

ooc: hehe....

Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Mallus wrote:

And Yatagan will Aid in Vox's Bluff, adding +2, and doesn't standing near Chakram adds another +2?

Nope. Only to Diplomacy and Intimidate.

Rolzup wrote:

Vox shrugs his buckler into place, and sets it to glowing for a fraction of a second. “Vox Cadaveris,” he says crisply, “Bureaucrat-at-large.” He seems to want to add something to this, but clamps his lips firmly shut as he snaps his fingers.

Dexter quickly scurries across his chest, reaches into Vox's coat, and produces a notebook, which it slaps into his hand.

Vox smiles thinly as he flips it open.

“This Pig-Diety has claimed religious asylum with the Church of Holy Treasure, as established with the standard complement of miracle, visions, and etc., granted to the high priest of said religion, in accordance with section MLXII, subsection Epsilon+, Paragraph 3, of the Necros Nomi, Revision 119. And these souls, having accepted a ride upon the deity’s back – as foretold – are thus accorded the status of Supplicant, First Class, and are under the god’s aegis, and thus protection.”

Flipping the notebook closed, he tosses it to Dexter, who obligingly makes it vanish again. "Now, myself, I'm here looking into recent acts of malicious viticulture, which have been traced to these isles. Happily, I was on-hand when needed here.

ooc: Awesome!

"Such officiousness!" says Magnacelsus, waving his hands into the air dramatically. "The Bureaucracy never fails to amaze me with their dedication to such obscure minutiae. My colleagues and I could hardly be bothered to intervene in a paltry matter like this."

Mallus wrote:

After Vox finishes, Yatagan says a silent prayer and then chips in with a few words intended, at least, to calm the situation. "Let me assure you Mr. Magnacelsus, our intent was to settle this in accordance to Infernal custom by either bribing, cowing, or killing the pig-god's rightful owner. But, as they say, the road, well, here is paved with intentions. Suweeginus was nowhere to be found. So we did the next best thing and simply took the swine. Was that not proper etiquette?"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that. I'm certain the two of you will work it out," says Magnacelsus, adding with a wink, "perhaps theatrically?"

Rolzup wrote:

"And you, Magnacelsus? What happy chance bring you to this place, at this time? A taste for the Infinitely Long Pig?"

He steps up close to Kamapua, then walks around the god pig, extending his hand to pet it, completely unconcerned that his hand passes right through it.

"A taste for pig..." he muses. "No, I'm afraid I lost my taste for meat many decades ago."

The words are barely away from his lips when he suddenly pulls a slim silver razor from his jacket and slices lightning fast at the pig god's ear. Although his ear appears physically unaffected by the knife, Kamapua cries out and shudders.

Only Vox can see that Magnacelsus has completely severed one of the ears from Kamapua's divine spirit and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Well, then," he says, stepping back toward the cloaked figure he was conversing with earlier. "Carry on and do enjoy the rest of your stay in the Hells."

He turns away and lights another cigarette, then turns with a start and looks at Chakram. "Oh, young lady, you should probably visit your employer soon. Something tells me he won't be around for long."

gridley wrote:

"Well, then," he says, stepping back toward the cloaked figure he was conversing with earlier. "Carry on and do enjoy the rest of your stay in the Hells."

He turns away and lights another cigarette, then turns with a start and looks at Chakram. "Oh, young lady, you should probably visit your employer soon. Something tells me he won't be around for long."

Chakram keeps a calm outward demeanor, though hardly pleased at the meeting with the secret policeman. But at least there are some advantages to be gained from how much they seem to know. She inclines her head and smiles thinly, saying nothing in response. And now I feel a lot better about sticking with these maniacs.

Once he has left, she says to Vox, "Let's get back, shall we? I suggest stowing your pig on the ship once we get there, to avoid any trouble." Not that it'll work, of course.

gridley wrote:

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that. I'm certain the two of you will work it out," says Magnacelsus, adding with a wink, "perhaps theatrically?"

"Ah, the play's the thing by which we'll avenge the roasting of the pig! A capital suggestion, sir! Can you suggest a venue that permits the literal breaking of legs? Or would some form of street theater be best..."

shilsen wrote:

Once he has left, she says to Vox, "Let's get back, shall we? I suggest stowing your pig on the ship once we get there, to avoid any trouble."

"We can ask certainly Captain Screwtape, though she did mention something about her god Dagon being a jealous one. If she consents, we should at least leave some of us to guard Kamapua. Lizzie and Pogsley did seem quite interested in her ship's cannons."

OOC: I'm off in a couple of hours to spend Christmas with Amber's family, so I'll be traveling most of this evening. I should be able to post again from tomorrow morning, but if I'm not posting again in a day's time, that's because I ran into internet issues there.

shilsen wrote:

OOC: I'm off in a couple of hours to spend Christmas with Amber's family, so I'll be traveling most of this evening.

OOC: have a safe trip, and happy holidays!

Mallus wrote:

OOC: have a safe trip, and happy holidays!

Thanks. Just got here after a very easy trip.

gridley wrote:

Only Vox can see that Magnacelsus has completely severed one of the ears from Kamapua's divine spirit and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Well, then," he says, stepping back toward the cloaked figure he was conversing with earlier. "Carry on and do enjoy the rest of your stay in the Hells."

What is he being doing? Is blasphemy! Desecration! Heresy!

Vox nods to Magnacelsus, "Oh, I shall, never fear. I shall."

He turns to the others, maintaining a sickly smile, as Pætros continues to rant. "I don't know," he hisses once Magnacelsus is out of earshot. "Maybe he wants to make a silk purse...."

IS NOT FOR BEING FUNNY!

"No," Vox agrees wearily, "It's not. He's got a way to track us, or at least Kamapua, now. And a perfect focus for any kind of nasty magics he -- or whoever he sells it to -- decides to throw."

And why is not STOPPING him?

"We're in his territory," he snaps, "He's got every advantage!"

We is having righteousness being on our sides!

"We're in Hell. That's the last thing that's going to help us now. Let's get back to the ship," he adds, raising his voice. "No point in tempting fate any further."