The Wrong Pig

shilsen wrote:

"Or do you have a cunning plan?"

"Yes Vox, is there a plan? Besides smiting the blasphemers unto death. Because if there isn't, we should start this off by cutting the elevator's cable."

Yatagan draws his heavy, jagged, Goetic axe.

"Not that I'm counseling the immediate use of violence. I'll give them a stern talking to if you like."

edit: OOC: Can we be having this discussion on the flight down? If we're resorting to violence, we should disable the elevator near the top.

Mallus wrote:

shilsen wrote:

"Or do you have a cunning plan?"

"Yes Vox, is there a plan? Besides smiting the blasphemers unto death. Because if there isn't, we should start this off by cutting the elevator's cable."

"If you lot can make a distraction -- 'if'?" Vox laughs, wildly. "I can sneak in without much trouble. It's going to be getting the swine out of the place that's going to be the hard part. If it's dead, that's not necessarily an insurmountable problem -- I still have some pull, even here -- but resurrecting gods is rarely a simple procedure. Or a cheap one. But it'll actually be easier to get him out, as I'll only need a piece. In fact, if Kamapua is still alive, the best possible solution is just to kill him and...."

Vox's knees buckle, and he claps his hands to his ears. "All right, all right! I'm just saying! He dies on the spit, and three days later he rises from the dead...it would make for a great holiday, wouldn't it?"

OOC: How does Shadow Pasage, which normally takes one to the land of the dead, work in Hell? I'm assuming that it doesn't, but options need to be explored.

Rolzup wrote:

If it's dead, that's not necessarily an insurmountable problem -- I still have some pull, even here -- but resurrecting gods is rarely a simple procedure. Or a cheap one. But it'll actually be easier to get him out, as I'll only need a piece. In fact, if Kamapua is still alive, the best possible solution is just to kill him and...."

As Vox falls to his kness in pain, Yatagan asks "Can you guarantee Kamapua's resurrection? It is a somewhat uncertain process for mortals. I admit to being curious about this option, as it would afford me the chance to dine on god-flesh. That would be a first. Though I'm sure I'll get another opportunity before my apotheosis."

Quote :

"He dies on the spit, and three days later he rises from the dead...it would make for a great holiday, wouldn't it?"

"As my forefathers would say, that's 'hitting on all cylinders'!"

Rolzup wrote:

"If you lot can make a distraction -- 'if'?" Vox laughs, wildly. "I can sneak in without much trouble. It's going to be getting the swine out of the place that's going to be the hard part. If it's dead, that's not necessarily an insurmountable problem -- I still have some pull, even here -- but resurrecting gods is rarely a simple procedure. Or a cheap one. But it'll actually be easier to get him out, as I'll only need a piece. In fact, if Kamapua is still alive, the best possible solution is just to kill him and...."

Vox's knees buckle, and he claps his hands to his ears. "All right, all right! I'm just saying! He dies on the spit, and three days later he rises from the dead...it would make for a great holiday, wouldn't it?"

ooc: Hehe.....

Rolzup wrote:

OOC: How does Shadow Pasage, which normally takes one to the land of the dead, work in Hell? I'm assuming that it doesn't, but options need to be explored.

The land of the dead here is a bit outside of Vox's jurisdiction... and most likely somewhat foreign... but it's definitely there. He can feel it strongly, the veil being paper thin. Vox has heard rumors that Emperor Orcus himself created a semi-permanent rupture in it somewhere in the Hells, but none of the agents sent by the Bureaucracy to close it have returned... alive or dead.

In short, Vox thinks Shadow Passage will probably work.

Mallus wrote:

As Vox falls to his kness in pain, Yatagan asks "Can you guarantee Kamapua's resurrection? It is a somewhat uncertain process for mortals. I admit to being curious about this option, as it would afford me the chance to dine on god-flesh. That would be a first. Though I'm sure I'll get another opportunity before my apotheosis."

ooc: Oh, no, you're going to eat the math professor, aren't you?

gridley wrote:

ooc: Oh, no, you're going to eat the math professor, aren't you?

OOC: Yatagan could use a little help with his sums!

IC:

"What's it to be then? Shall I distract them with my terrifying presence or with my terrifying actions? This indecision (read: momentary prudence) is giving me gas!"

Mallus wrote:

"What's it to be then? Shall I distract them with my terrifying presence or with my terrifying actions? This indecision (read: momentary prudence) is giving me gas!"

"I wouldn't want to inhibit your muse," Vox replies absently, as he considers the building. "Follow your heart; I'm sure that it won't steer you wrong. Not in this instance.

"When you're ready, begin. I'll make my move then."

OOC: One door, I assume. Any windows? What's the roof look like?

OOC: what's the layout and how many people (beings? entities?) are visible? Also, who's with us? Are Fagin and Lizzie around?

Yatagan slings a fat arm through his battered shield and grips his axe. He then bellows, in an incongruously friendly manner, "Hello down there! You are roasting one of my pantheon! I would like to discuss purchase, or, failing that, can you please present a champion I can defeat in mortal combat for him. I have wealth, influence, and a propensity for violence!"

Rolzup wrote:

OOC: One door, I assume. Any windows? What's the roof look like?

ooc: A double set of doors in the front, a few windows looking into the dining area, and the back of the restaurant is set into the chasm wall. The ceiling is shingled and covered with smoking chimneys.

Mallus wrote:

OOC: what's the layout and how many people (beings? entities?) are visible? Also, who's with us? Are Fagin and Lizzie around?

There are about fifty people standing in line, waiting to be let in to the restaurant. The tables inside are full of people drinking. In the center of the dining area is a large, deep-looking, smoking pit.

ooc: Let's assume it's just you two and Chakra. If Mike or Ed show up, we can shoehorn them in later.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan slings a fat arm through his battered shield and grips his axe. He then bellow, in an incongruously friendly manner, "Hello down there! You are roasting one of my pantheon! I would like to discuss purchase, or, failing that, can you please present a champion I can defeat in mortal combat for him. I have wealth, influence, and a propensity for violence!"

The waitstaff look at Yatagan and shrug. No champion emerges. A few of the people in line yell curses in their Infernal tongue, but to Yatagan, it sounds like encouraging cheers. Two voices from the back of the line stand out in Yatagan's ears.

"Hey, look, it's that guy."
"I think he's going to fight the restaurant."
"Makes sense. I read in a review that most of the food here is chaotic evil."
"And?"
"Oh. And delicious."
"There you go."

As Yatigan begins his bellowing, Vox steps back out of sight and vanishes. Moving slowly...oh so slowly...he creeps towards the building, keeping to the shadows.

OOC: Lurking Shadow lets him become invisible, and stay that way, as long as he doesnt move more than 10' at a time and doesn't enter any bright light. He can also teleport 20', if he ends up next to a living being, and he'll use that to cross any stray patch of brightness. Once he's close enough to look in a window, he'll teleport inside. Or so goes the theory. Stealth Check: 30.

The member 'Rolzup' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 6

Yatagan walks past the queue of waiting diners. For a moment his transported back to his days spent reciting unwittingly pornographic poetry to dinner-theater crowds in the Quadrille. He finds himself saying, "Enjoy the show!", "By kind to your waiters!", "Try the veal!"

As he approaches the front of the line, he picks up his pace and tries to burst through the rickety-looking wall ten or so feet to the left of the double doors...

OOC: STR check, +5 from his Divine Boon of Strength: 17

I'm guessing he bounces off. Can I make another check to turn it into a comic pratfall? Always leave 'em laughing.

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 2

Rolzup wrote:

As Yatigan begins his bellowing, Vox steps back out of sight and vanishes. Moving slowly...oh so slowly...he creeps towards the building, keeping to the shadows.

OOC: Lurking Shadow lets him become invisible, and stay that way, as long as he doesnt move more than 10' at a time and doesn't enter any bright light. He can also teleport 20', if he ends up next to a living being, and he'll use that to cross any stray patch of brightness. Once he's close enough to look in a window, he'll teleport inside. Or so goes the theory. Stealth Check: 30.

Vox encounters no interference as he approaches the restaurant. Reaching a window, he teleports inside, finding a shadowy hiding place next to the wall of the barbecue pit. Peeking over the edge, his eyes burn from the rising smoke that momentarily blinds him. The heat rising from below is staggering. Recovering enough to make a second attempt, he spies a spiral staircase descending around the outside walls of the pit.

Down at the bottom, eight or nine stories below the restaurant, he sees a lake of flaming magma. A variety of animals, some living, some dead hang from chains, over the magma, cooking in the tremendous heat. He counts six figures down below, leaping between small islands of black stone set into the magma. They are swinging some sort of hooked chains at the cooking meat and pulling it over to check it or to slice a bit off with their cleavers.

In the center of the room, chained down do a large iron rack resting over the magma is Kamapua, groaning in agony as its flesh cooks in the brutal heat.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan walks past the queue of waiting diners. For a moment his transported back to his days spent reciting unwittingly pornographic poetry to dinner-theater crowds in the Quadrille. He finds himself saying, "Enjoy the show!", "By kind to your waiters!", "Try the veal!"

As he approaches the front of the line, he picks up his pace and tries to burst through the rickety-looking wall ten or so feet to the left of the double doors...

OOC: STR check, +5 from his Divine Boon of Strength: 17

I'm guessing he bounces off. Can I make another check to turn it into a comic pratfall? Always leave 'em laughing.

Yatagan charges into the wall, ricochets off and falls backwards onto his tail. Upon hitting the ground, he makes an effort to look like it was done as a joke, but all he accomplishes is letting the audience know that he remains unhurt.

"It looks like the restaurant is winning."
"Yeah, and it's not even trying that hard yet."
"He makes a better orator than battering ram."
"Yeah, he's more like battering puppy."
"What's a puppy?"
"It's like a helpless baby hellhound that can't even breath fire."
"Awww.... cute. How do they taste?"

gridley wrote:

Yatagan charges into the wall, ricochets off and falls backwards onto his tail. Upon hitting the ground, he makes an effort to look like it was done as a joke, but all he accomplishes is letting the audience know that he remains unhurt.

Chortling on the inside, Chakram steps up and extends a hand to help Yatagan back to his feet. "Good try," she says, "But maybe you should try rushing the doors this time?"

While waiting to see what the dragonborn does, she extracts a potion from her belt and drinks it. I wonder when someone's going to try to stop us.

OOC: Drink a Potion of Clarity.

The Dragonborn paladin heaves himself up with Chakram's help. This time, he heads through the doors. He roars at anyone getting in his way.

"They're about to run of pig" he shouts, "You should consider the brisket! Or dining somewhere safer!"

OOC: Intimidate - 31

hmmm.. lost my roll.

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 13

OOC: How far from the stairs is the center of the room? And is there rack flat on top? Yes, preparing to do something foolish.

Rolzup wrote:

OOC: How far from the stairs is the center of the room? And is there rack flat on top? Yes, preparing to do something foolish.

The pit widens dramatically as it descends, taking the stairs with it, but at the top where Vox is, the rack is only about ten feet away... and ninety feet straight down. The smell of roasted pig is... sadly... divine.

Here is a map of the bottom level.

Mallus wrote:

The Dragonborn paladin heaves himself up with Chakram's help. This time, he heads through the doors. He roars at anyone getting in his way.

"They're about to run of pig" he shouts, "You should consider the brisket! Or dining somewhere safer!"

OOC: Intimidate - 31

The crowd waiting outside becomes immediately upset, yelling about how they came all this way for nothing.

The two dwarfs at the end of the line seem unstirred.

"Doesn't matter. I couldn't afford the pig anyway."
"After the ferry ride over, I can only afford a beer or two."
"At least you didn't walk into the wall."
"And I'm not above licking other people's plates."

gridley wrote:

The crowd waiting outside becomes immediately upset, yelling about how they came all this way for nothing.

"There will be blood!" howls Yatagan. "One way or the other. That's got to count for something" he adds diplomatically.

Quote :

"Doesn't matter. I couldn't afford the pig anyway."
"After the ferry ride over, I can only afford a beer or two."

"Perhaps you should seek a more generous employer. Coincidentally enough, I'm looking to hire some armed comic relief."

Once inside, Yatagan approaches the pit. If no obvious way hoist Kamapua up presents itself, he'll beckon Chakram on and descend.

Mallus wrote:

"Perhaps you should seek a more generous employer. Coincidentally enough, I'm looking to hire some armed comic relief."

"People working for Misquamacas do have a tendency to die."
"So with that guy we could live longer?"
"Depends how tough the restaurants he usually fights are, I suppose."

Mallus wrote:

Once inside, Yatagan approaches the pit. If no obvious way hoist Kamapua up presents itself, he'll beckon Chakram on and descend.

Yatagan charges into the restaurant. Waitstaff size him up and step aside. Seeing no was to hoist up the pig from above, he descends.

ooc: Let's see what John gets up to before we proceed any further. He's a bit ahead of you.

ooc: John, there's a post on the previous page with your name on it.

OOC:...Pumba is a very nice touch, I must admit. And now that I know what Kamapua sounds like, he's even more pitiful.

"Dammit." Vox hurries down the stairs, becoming mostly visible along the way.

(Stealth: 25, thanks to the -10 from running. And that's with a reroll, too. He's got a Move of 7, so he should be most of the way down by the end of the turn. Where be the cooks at this juncture?)

The member 'Rolzup' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 4