a deal with the devils

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

A line of cloven-hoofed chorus girls take the stage at Cabaret Sinferno to the gleeful applause and cat-calls of the devils, demons, and other debaucherers in the audience. Maror has laid down his contract coin.

The deal on the table: 333,000 gold pieces for handing over the stolen Eladrin goddess Kommeral, including (a) temporary use of their cursed manacles, (b) the Dragonborn dancer Zilla, and (c) Gepetto Jack Fagin is invited to accompany Maror and Charoset when they bring Kommeral to the Infernal Isles to be sacrificed, assuming he first marries their sister. Failure by either party to fulfill their end of the bargain will result in powerful curses which will bankrupt the offending party for the remainder of their lives.

Charoset grins (having no choice) devilishly while his brother Maror taps his magnesium-ringed fingers upon the table.

--------------------------------------------

Deals made so far:

(1) Group will share 15% of any moneys earned in the course of their investigation with their employer Exypnos Theokleftis. As above, breaking this contract will result in cursed bankruptcy for those who "signed" the contract coin (Yatagan and Paetros).

(2) Group were hired to return the stolen goddess Kommeral to the Eladrin Church in exchange for 100,000 gold pieces. No contract beyond a verbal agreement to investigate. There is an implied three-day deadline for this assignment as at that time, Parson Dharesh Parcel-Whim has stated he will unleash a marauding taskforce of murderous gnomes upon the unsuspecting citizens of Goblintown, where the Eladrin believe their goddess is being held. Their prime suspect: goblin newspaper publisher and union organizer Gadrun Hob.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

OOC: so the contract Yatagan signed with Exypnos doesn't specify that we return the goddess to the Eladrin, only that we give him a percentage of any monies found during the investigation of the theft?

This is good. Because Yatagan is probably going to need to steal the egg-god (name??) from the Eladrin cathedral so Zilla can sit on it. Let's just assume Dragonborn females do actually sit on or near their clutches of fertilized eggs. I'd like to think Yatagan is only clueless about reproduction with regard to other humanoids.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

The Apostle Yatagan eyes the Contract Coin. He's been turning the situation over in his mind for a minute, grinding any comprehension he might have arrived at into a fine powder. There is no contradiction. We can do both.

"Come now Mr. Fagin" says Yatagan to his faith's new brand manager. "A favorable wind blows in from the Aster today. Scented with brief exhileration and lingering obligation. In other words, the marrying season has come to the Port."

He eyes the magic coin again for melodramatic effect.

"Let us stand not on the order of going, but get gone."

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: OOC: so the contract Yatagan signed with Exypnos doesn't specify that we return the goddess to the Eladrin, only that we give him a percentage of any monies found during the investigation of the theft?

Yes. I think I may have ad libbed some other rules and clauses in the heat of the moment, but I suspect that everyone (including Expnos) should be happy to leave it at this.

Mallus wrote:: This is good. Because Yatagan is probably going to need to steal the egg-god (name??) from the Eladrin cathedral so Zilla can sit on it. Let's just assume Dragonborn females do actually sit on or near their clutches of fertilized eggs. I'd like to think Yatagan is only clueless about reproduction with regard to other humanoids.

Yes, let us say Dragonborn mothers traditionally warm their eggs with their bodies, unless they're rich enough to hire professional egg sitters.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

OOC: Actually, the traditional method involved a steam-powered egg-warming automaton, with an ass-cushion made of the finest silks, and stuffed with the feathers of a newly hatched griffin. These days, it's usually some guy off the streets, kept immobile by the judicious application of alcohol.

The Porcophant's eyes light up. "Have never performed wedding before! Must plan ceremony! Where can find slaughterhouse? Need much pig blood...."

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: [i] OOC: Actually, the traditional method involved a steam-powered egg-warming automaton, with an ass-cushion made of the finest silks, and stuffed with the feathers of a newly hatched griffin.

Haha... the glory days!

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Mallus wrote:: The Apostle Yatagan eyes the Contract Coin. He's been turning the situation over in his mind for a minute, grinding any comprehension he might have arrived at into a fine powder. There is no contradiction. We can do both.

"Come now Mr. Fagin" says Yatagan to his faith's new brand manager. "A favorable wind blows in from the Aster today. Scented with brief exhileration and lingering obligation. In other words, the marrying season has come to the Port."

He eyes the magic coin again for melodramatic effect.

"Let us stand not on the order of going, but get gone."

Artichoke, unsurprisingly, makes not the slightest move toward the coin. Instead, he says, addressing both his companions and the two club-owners, "As I said, while I am quite willing to endeavor to obtain the lady Kommerel for you, I can't be certain that we would succeed, so I prefer to promise nothing." He glances at his allies, especially Yatagan and Gepettojack. "You are free to do whatever you want, of course."

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

shilsen wrote:: "As I said, while I am quite willing to endeavor to obtain the lady Kommerel for you, I can't be certain that we would succeed, so I prefer to promise nothing." He glances at his allies, especially Yatagan and Gepettojack. "You are free to do whatever you want, of course."

"We would be glad to have your assistance, Artichoke. But those who can't bear the full consequences of the contract won't bear the full reward, either". Yatagan glances Geppetto Jack's way. "I'm sure we can work something out."

Yatagan pauses a beat, then adds in a slightly exasperated tone. "Really, Captain, sometimes I think you put the 'K' in craven."

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Mallus wrote:: "We should be glad to have your assistance, Artichoke. But if you can't bear the full consequences of the contract than won't bear the full reward, either". Yatagan glances Geppetto Jack's way. "I'm sure we can work something out."

Yatagan pauses a beat, then adds in a slightly exasperated tone. "Really, Captain, sometimes I think you put the 'K' in craven."

Artichoke doesn't turn a hair, partly because he doesn't have many to spare and partly since he's grown quite inured to hearing opinions of the kind from the various members of the group. Instead, he smiles thinly and says, "Really? I thought I put the 'K' in 'keeping all of you alive ... despite your best efforts to the contrary'. Whether I bear the 'full consequences of the contract' or not, I'm guessing I'll be bearing the full consequences of keeping the group alive during battle, healing people afterward, and dealing with those who will be ... displeased with you - and us - if this contract is fulfilled. Anyway," he shrugs, "We can always work out details for spending the money if we actually get it." Plus I'm pretty damn sure half of you can't count your way out of a paper bag, so...

Artichoke's voice turns a trifle pedantic, as it usually does when he is dispensing advice, especially when the advice comes from one of his own pamphlets. "As I've been known to say, the quickest way from A to B is not always at the most feverish pace. But, in the interests of moving on, why don't the, ahem, bolder ones among you touch the coin and we can be on our way."

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

shilsen wrote:: Whether I bear the 'full consequences of the contract' or not, I'm guessing I'll be bearing the full consequences of keeping the group alive during battle, healing people afterward, and dealing with those who will be ... displeased with you - and us - if this contract is fulfilled.

"Here, here Artichoke. I wasn't questioning your loyalty or contributions, just your manhood".

shilsen wrote:: "We can always work out details for spending the money if we actually get it."

"Splendid! Since you find yourself too stooped by prudence to bear the weight of the cursed coin I shall do it for you. Gladly. For I am Dragonborn. I eat peril and shit out glory". Gaiety has crept back into Yatagan's voice. It's as if he simply can't countenance petty or unhappy thoughts. Or he's already forgotten that he was slightly miffed at Artichoke.

Quote :: "As I've been known to say, the quickest way from A to B is not always at the most feverish pace. But, in the interests of moving on, why don't the, ahem, bolder ones among you touch the coin and we can be on our way."

"My people have a saying, too. 'Slow and steady gets overtaken, then eventually dies without offspring alone on a cold rock'". Apparently Yatagan's race is descended from a rash colour of dragon that's almost certainly extinct. Yatagan reaches a claw out for the coin, only to snatch it back at the last second.

"Mr. Fagin, since this contract involves your matrimony, I require your consent before I proceed."

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

Rolzup wrote:: OOC: Actually, the traditional method involved a steam-powered egg-warming automaton, with an ass-cushion made of the finest silks, and stuffed with the feathers of a newly hatched griffin. These days, it's usually some guy off the streets, kept immobile by the judicious application of alcohol.

The Porcophant's eyes light up. "Have never performed wedding before! Must plan ceremony! Where can find slaughterhouse? Need much pig blood...."

"Just make sure they're innocent pigs, dear Porcophant. The blood of worldy creatures isn't Kosher for weddings."

"And if you would, please also purchase a fragile-boned debtor, for me to stomp upon at the end of the marriage ceremony. It is symbolic for the fragility of life, and the importance of having liquid funds."

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

He turns to Yatagan.

"I would be honored if you would bless my bond of matrimony with your cold-blooded reptilian greed. It is tradition, after all."

Then GepettoJack listens carefully to hear the "ping" properly, so he can mimic it magically.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Atlatl Jones wrote:: "And if you would, please also purchase a fragile-boned debtor, for me to stomp upon at the end of the marriage ceremony. It is symbolic for the fragility of life, and the importance of having liquid funds."

OOC: there is so much simultaneously right and wrong with these two sentences I have no words...

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Atlatl Jones wrote:: "I would be honored if you would bless my bond of matrimony with your cold-blooded reptilian greed. It is tradition, after all."

"I'd be honoured, Mr. Fagin." Turning to Artichoke, Yatagan says "You could learn thing or two from this man, Captain." Lowering his voice to a loud whisper he adds, "Though perhaps not the 'stomping a man with rickets death' part. Sounds excessively... festive"

Addressing Fagin he says, "I'll be sure to invite you to the hatching of my god-egg after I remove from the Eladrin cathedral and seat the exotic dancer upon it".

Yatagan takes his second Contract Coin of the day. "Who's for another round?" he asks brightly.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: Yatagan takes his second Contract Coin of the day.

Ping!

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

Mallus wrote:: "I'd be honoured, Mr. Fagin." Turning to Artichoke, Yatagan says "You could learn thing or two from this man, Captain." Lowering his voice to a loud whisper he adds, "Though perhaps not the 'stomping a man with rickets death' part. Sounds excessively... festive"

OOC:

Quote :: Addressing Fagin he says, "I'll be sure to invite you to the hatching of my god-egg after I remove from the Eladrin cathedral and seat the exotic dancer upon it".

Fagin bows solemnly. "It would be my honor to be a G-LDparent to the hatchling."

Gridley wrote:: Ping!

Fagin then uses the same prestidigitation and ghost sound trick to pick up the coin without actually touching it and make it ping, while using some sleight of hand to draw attention away from it.

Edit: That's a 28 Bluff.

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The member 'Atlatl Jones' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 6

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Atlatl Jones wrote:: Fagin bows solemnly. "It would be my honor to be a G-LDparent to the hatchling."

"Done and done, sir! Our business here is concluded then?"

OOC: feel free to conduct more.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Once outside the club Yatagan wipes a fleck of protective egg-sac gelatin from the corner of his mouth. "Well then, should we hie directly to Goblintown? I can't decide... should Big Hob receive a visit from the Red Pig Army or from the investigative journalists from the Miracle Pig Times-Picayune?"

"Either way" says the heavily-armored Dragonborn, lowering his black iron skull-mask helm, "We must array ourselves for subterfuge!"

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

Mallus wrote:

Atlatl Jones wrote:: Fagin bows solemnly. "It would be my honor to be a G-LDparent to the hatchling."

"Done and done, sir! Our business here is concluded then?"

"In the Name of the G-LD, the Treyf, and the Invisible Hand. Amen."

OOC: I'm still laughing over "I will make you pickpockets of men!"

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Atlatl Jones wrote:: "In the Name of the G-LD, the Treyf, and the Invisible Hand. Amen."

"Wait... the Treyf's Treasure, right? Then by all means amen!"

Quote :: OOC: I'm still laughing over "I will make you pickpockets of men!"

OOC: Me too. I think I'll make it my ENWorld signature. BTW, it's the Gospel of Marking 1:17.

Steve, the contract Yatagan just 'signed' doesn't have clause covering stealing Kommeral back from the Tieflings at a later date once he's handed her over, does it? He's thinking --and I use that term very loosely-- that an attack at sea as they return to the Infernal Isles would be quite fitting, given the myths surrounding her.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: Steve, the contract Yatagan just 'signed' doesn't have clause covering stealing Kommeral back from the Tieflings at a later date once he's handed her over, does it? He's thinking --and I use that term very loosely-- that an attack at sea as they return to the Infernal Isles would be quite fitting, given the myths surrounding her.

In his zeal to make a deal, Maror neglected to include such a clause.

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The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 8, 12

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gridley wrote:: In his zeal to make a deal, Maror neglected to include such a clause.

OOC: excellent!

On the way to the Shambles and Goblintown --actually, Yatagan isn't paying careful attention to where they're going, he just falls into line behind Artichoke-- the Dragonborn sketches, or, rather, rambles out his 'plan'. This takes some time, and he seems blissfully unconcerned if people are listening.

"So the first order of business is finding out what this Hob fellow knows. But let's endeavor to get hired by him as well. Perhaps to protect his goblin sanctuary from the upcoming gnome attack the Eladrin are planning. Which we know about and he doesn't! Aha... so we have him exactly where we want him. Knowing something!

"We can present ourselves as the Red Pig Army; fellow revolutionaries and kin to the downtrodden. Speaking off, we're Lizzie? He'll think the Red Pig Army is just the dickens!"

"So, Pig Army, more gold from the goblins, and then we return Kommeral. Wait, after we locate her. Mustn't get ahead of ourselves. Then as the Tieflings try to ship her back home, we swipe her back like Dragonborn privateers of old emboldened by Letters of Marking."

"This is jolly good so far. Next, return goddess to the Eladrin, get paid again."

"Hmmm, we also need their egg-god. Doubt they'd swap god for a god, that would leave them down one and right back where they started. Well, I'm sure Artichoke will figure something out. Hmmm, we do have one of those cat-brained mouthy puppets..."

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Atlatl Jones wrote:: Fagin then uses the same prestidigitation and ghost sound trick to pick up the coin without actually touching it and make it ping, while using some sleight of hand to draw attention away from it.

Edit: That's a 28 Bluff.

Charoset smiles. "Unholy wedding bells, I think we have a deal!"

Maror claps his hands, summoning one of his servants, who sets a wooden box down in front of Messieurs Fagin and Fracas. Opening it reveals a set of black metal manacles and leg irons. They are covered in runic script that burns hot red as though they were fresh from the forge. On the interiors of the cuffs are short thin needles just as red as the script.

"As I said," states Maror, "I have no clue if they will work on Komerall, but they were built for me by a very evil and very expensive blacksmith, so they're certainly worth a try."

OOC: How the heck do you have a +22 bluff? That's three points higher than Odanais. Jealous!

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: On the way to the Shambles and Goblintown

Goblintown is the usual flurry of activity:

Drunk goblins falling out of windows, off of ledges, or into gutters. Rat wallahs hawking roasted-rat-on-a-stick. Old goblin men sitting on stoops, cursing everyone who walks by just for the hell of it. Kids playing a goblin game called ramrod, which involves two of them running headfirst into a brick wall as hard as they can (it's hard to tell who wins, but there is a lot of enthusiastic wagering). Goblins brawling, shitting, vomiting, and fornicating out in the open in the dusty streets (sometimes all at once).

And of course, the moment you step into Goblintown, you are bombarded by beggars. "Hey, boss, spare a couple coins?" "Bosses, need a guide?" "Hey, boss, how about buying a guy a drink?" "You looking to sell those shoes, boss?" "Wanna see the fights, boss? I can get you a front row seat!"

OOC: Let me know if you'd care to pause at any of these appealing attractions.

It doesn't take long to locate your destination. The tallest building in Goblintown is the home of the Goblintown Gazette (as well as headquarters for the influential union Local 13, known in some quarters as "the Gobblies"). Upon walking in, you are greeted by a nicely-dressed goblin woman seated at a desk.

"Well, hello, how may I help you?"