The Battle of Twilight Park

Mallus wrote:

"I'd watch out for them" says Sancerre to Artichoke in a hushed and almost friendly voice. "As for you my pirates, hold!" Addressing Artichoke again, Sancerre says "If they throw down their arms, will you spare their lives? Their only sin is loyalty. I saved them from Petard's one-man firing squad many years ago".

Though used to making quick decisions, especially through his interaction with the others in the League, this is one of Artichoke's swiftest yet. "Yes," he says, almost before Sancerre has finished speaking, "I - we - will spare them. All we wanted was to free Armand from you, Sancerre." Artichoke looks at the ghost sympathetically. "Effraim, is it? Damn, it must have been rough growing up with that name." The tone is one of very deep - and, in this case, honest - empathy.

"Freeing Armand... yes... I'm afraid I'm at a loss". For effect the elven ghost tugs ineffectually at the metaphysical cord that ties him to the half-elf's body.

After a hearty sigh, Sancerre speaks a few soft commands and the veteran pirates --warily-- shift their focus from Artichoke to the point in space Sir Umbrage was last seen. "Never liked that Drow and them One Foot bastards" mutters a pirate. "Not sorry their witch is dead". 'One Foot' is common Port slang for the Shadar-Kai, seeing as they're born with one foot in the grave.

"Is it over?" shouts Count Rags.

Before anyone can answer a glowing disk forms in the air next to the pile of valuable-laden carts and wagons the Unseemly Folk refer to as 'The Jewels On the Ground'. Several heavily armed Eladrin in blackened leather jacks walk out of it. The arcanists among you conjecture that this is what the ritual attempted earlier looks like when properly executed, sans the thump to the dome. Two unreasonable burly members of their kind help a wounded, middle-aged human man in fantastic motley through. His fat fingers clutch a gold-plated scepter. The emblems worn by the Eladrin mark them as members of the Fair Folk, in service to Jimmy Heatshimmer.

"M'Lord!" cry out Lack-A-Day and Bumtussle, falling to one knee.

"Rise my children. No need for that. I bring aid from our kinsmen Lord James Half-Step, but I see it was unnecessary. So, did they get at the carts?" says His Questionable Lordship Arsely Bottom, Lord Bum. Looking down to Armand's body and then to the spectral form of Sancerre, he adds "Begone! Haven't you done enough, foul spirit? Shouldn't you have drained away along with his mortal coil?"

The keener-eyed among the League notice the tell-tale signs of the Drow and Shadar-Kai beating a hasty retreat from the field. But only after the Eladrin appeared.

Artichoke responds just as quickly as before, impelled by the sight of his favorite kind of ally - the sort who might pay for his services, or at least be persuaded to owe him a favor. "Not to worry, your Lordship. Your people - and your treasures - are safe. But first, let me introduce myself. I am Captain Artichoke. I presume you've heard of me and my," he gestures at the others and says carefully, "Associates. We had been seeking Sancerre, or rather the body he inhabited. Hearing that he was attacking your followers, we hurried here and took him down. No thanks needed," he says, utterly disingenuously and hopefully. "It seems he's still connected to his body, so we will take both of them with us, leaving your park to you."

Artichoke pauses, waiting for a hopefully thankful response.

shilsen wrote:

Your people - and your treasures - are safe.

"My people are my greatest treasures" says Lord Bum, almost convincingly.

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"I am Captain Artichoke. I presume you've heard of me and my," he gestures at the others and says carefully, "Associates."

"As a matter-of-fact..." His voice trails off, indicating what he's heard about the League. "But I'm sure it's all hearsay!"

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Hearing that he was attacking your followers, we hurried here and took him down.

"We were most fortunate to have your help while I was off a-mustering allies of the Unseemly Court."

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No thanks needed

"But payment for services rendered are due. A pact's a pact, even the one's unspoken."

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"It seems he's still connected to his body, so we will take both of them with us, leaving your park to you."

"And you shall have him! We'll talk about other payment for saving so many of my..."

"Actually, it looks like they saved them all" says Lady Bumtussle, who had busied herself checking the wounded. "There's power in that man's bullshit talk -- just like in ours".

"All?" says Lord Bum. "Well... hmmm... are you sure? Some over there look terribly pale. And that's quite a gash on... oh, very well". He looks Artichoke in the eye. "We'll talk about recompense in the days to come. Mind you, we're primarily rich in secrets."

"Look's like Duke Flapjacks is dead. Not a mark on him, though. I think his bum ticker gave out".

"Half credit for him" says Lord Bum coolly.

Mallus wrote:

"My people are my greatest treasures" says Lord Bum, almost convincingly.

Note to self, thinks Artichoke, Steal that line.

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"As a matter-of-fact..." His voice trails off, indicating what he's heard about the League. "But I'm sure it's all hearsay!"

Artichoke smiles blandly. I wish it were.

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"We were most fortunate to have your help while I was off a-mustering allies of the Unseemly Court."

...

"But payment for services rendered are due. A pact's a pact, even the one's unspoken."

Excellent!

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"And you shall have him! We'll talk about other payment for saving so many of my..."

"Actually, it looks like they saved them all" says Lady Bumtussle, who had busied herself checking the wounded. "There's power in that man's bullshit talk -- just like in ours".

Artichoke positively beams at that.

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"All?" says Lord Bum. "Well... hmmm... are you sure? Some over there look terribly pale. And that's quite a gash on... oh, very well". He looks Artichoke in the eye. "We'll talk about recompense in the days to come. Mind you, we're primarily rich in secrets."

"Look's like Duke Flapjacks is dead. Not a mark on him, though. I think his bum ticker gave out".

"Half credit for him" says Lord Bum coolly.

"As you say, my lord. I shall look forward to speaking to you again soon. But, for now, we shall take our quarry and get it off your lands." Artichoke bows to Lord Bum and then turns to Sancerre-Armand. Let's see how this works. "Lizzy, Lien - help me pick him up," he says, moving to the unconscious body.

OOC: Artichoke will try to pick up Armand's body and carry it off, hoping that Sancerre's spirit will be forced to follow.

Also, were we supposed to do anything about the bottle that Sancerre was after? I seem to recall the wine-maker wanting Sancerre's spirit back, but may be forgetting something about the bottle.

Pætros, who has been cheerfully proselytizing to the unconscious, wanders back to rejoin Artichoke. "No one dead," he says cheerfully, clapping the warlord on his back, "Is good! Not nearly as inept as people on streets say. Would be difficult, true, but...."

The Porcophant, having noticed Lord Bum, doesn't bother to finish the sentence. Waving his ostensible commander aside, he looks Arsely Bottom up and down. "You is being smart man," he decides. "Will accept Glorious Treasure of the Heavens, Who Tramples the Heathen Underfoot And Carries The Faithful To Paradise Upon Her Broad And Comfortable Back into heart? Metaphoric heart," Pætros adds quickly, "Is being plenty of room, am sure. But Pig is perfect god for bums; also eats garbage, and is also being much more dangerous than is looking."

Pætros pauses for a moment to evaluate Lord Bum's reaction, but raises a hand to silence the man before he can speak. "Bacon," he says triumphantly, "Is sacrament."

"You know, Sancere," says Odanais, applying moderate pressure to one of his more aggresively-bleeding stab wounds, "once we get you free from Armand Rum, I'm certain we could work out a system to provide you with a succession of willing hosts. We could even write it into our religion, as we're doing with a band of similarly disembodied musicians we found in a friend of our's head. This is our Pontiff, Pætros, by the way."

He grimaces briefly as a blood clot pops out of yet another stab wound only to be deftly caught in the sorcerer's free hand and stuffed back into place.

"Of course, as per our current contracts, we'd need to get you properly separarted from your current host, whose loved ones dearly wish returned to them." He smiles. "Are you certain you don't how we would go about that?"

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Bluff: 29

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 11

shilsen wrote:

OOC: Artichoke will try to pick up Armand's body and carry it off, hoping that Sancerre's spirit will be forced to follow.

Sancerre attempts to dig into the grass of Twilight Hill as Artichoke and Lien bear Armand's body away. The elven shade is yanked into the air like a kite. "Hold a moment" he says from above.

Once he settle back to the earth he addresses Lord Bum, "I beg a moment of your time, Your Highness".

"Why didn't show me this kind of respect at Bumcas... at my Winter Palace?"

"My blood was up. I'd been betrayed by my former friend Riseling. Instead of keeping us flowing from cup to cup, we were locked in a dark cellar with inadequate temperature control. For years. My escape was an accident. When I returned to free Madeira, I found he had traded her to you. Did he even tell you the bottle held a human soul? Besides, earlier I had four healthy veteran scalawags, an invisible Eldadrin panther, and a Shadar-Kai witch."

"I had no idea the bottle held Recollection Wine" says Lord Bum. Slipping into the royal pronoun he adds, "We never touch the stuff. Frankly, it gives us the creeps. Take her. She's yours."

"My thanks, your Lordship."

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Also, were we supposed to do anything about the bottle that Sancerre was after?

OOC: your question has been answered, shilsen 5.

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I seem to recall the wine-maker wanting Sancerre's spirit back, but may be forgetting something about the bottle.

OOC: Earnest Gallows does want Sancerre back and Armand safe. But most importantly, he wanted to know how Sancerre kept Armand's body for so long, as it represents a potential threat to his livelihood.

Rolzup wrote:

"Will accept Glorious Treasure of the Heavens, Who Tramples the Heathen Underfoot And Carries The Faithful To Paradise Upon Her Broad And Comfortable Back into heart?

"Does this 'accepting' constitute a formal pact with the entity in question, or is it merely an informal declaration of faith? As you say, I'm a smart man, and I'd prefer more fulsome disclosure before answering."

At this point the gathered League members begin to wonder if Lord Bum was a solicitor at some point in his semi-lusterous career.

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"But Pig is perfect god for bums; also eats garbage, and is also being much more dangerous than is looking."

Lord Bum finds himself saying, "That makes sense".

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"Bacon," he says triumphantly, "Is sacrament."

"I love bacon" blurts out the homeless monarch. He seems almost mesmerized by the strange cadence of the Porcophant's words. Those of the faith witnessing this would swear Treasure herself is lending her strength to Pætros's (bullshit) words.

OOC: pork buns are also a sacrament, as per Yatagan's Porcine Gospels.

gridley wrote:

"You know, Sancere," says Odanais, applying moderate pressure to one of his more aggresively-bleeding stab wounds...

While trying to staunch a ghost's wounds strike the those less steeped in the Mysteries in attendance as more-or-less insane, it turns out to be surprisingly effective. Port ghosts are partially corporeal, and Odanais's handkerchief comes away wet with translucent ectoplasm. "Thanks" says Sancerre.

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"... once we get you free from Armand Rum, I'm certain we could work out a system to provide you with a succession of willing hosts. We could even write it into our religion, as we're doing with a band of similarly disembodied musicians we found in a friend of our's head.

"You would do that? For me? Would I be able to continue my work. After Madeira, it was my life's --and un-life's-- passion".

"No, strike that. Before Madeira."

OOC: Saint Sancerre of the Swords in the Church of the Glorious Treasure of Heaven? That's awesome!

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This is our Pontiff, Pætros, by the way."

"Your Holiness" says the ghost to the Pope with a slight ghostly bow.

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"Of course, as per our current contracts, we'd need to get you properly separated from your current host, whose loved ones dearly wish returned to them."

"I'd like nothing more. Frankly, the idea that I'm going to be tied to a corpse until the Black Ships come for me is appalling".

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"Are you certain you don't how we would go about that?"

"Oddly no. Normally I'd have some memory of the place I was distilled, but alas, I do not. It was as if I was knocked insensate. And once in the bottle, we have no real awareness, except of loss and the crawl of time. Gallows would know. Wait, was it Gallows who sold me to the young Rum?"

Mallus wrote:

"Your Holiness" says the ghost to the Pope with a slight ghostly bow.

The Porcophant nod.s "Good meeting you. Never before know man so literally drunk; is very inspirational. Can live on in pee of pig-god, you think? Never mind, will make experiments later, when have more time. Many questions to ask."

Mallus wrote:

"Does this 'accepting' constitute a formal pact with the entity in question, or is it merely an informal declaration of faith? As you say, I'm a smart man, and I'd prefer more fulsome disclosure before answering."

"Faith important thing, or at least appearance of such." Pætros shrugs. "Glorious Treasure of Heavens is reasonable god. Faith own reward, and other things? Will come in time, sure.

Mallus wrote:

"I love bacon" blurts out the homeless monarch. He seems almost mesmerized by the strange cadence of the Porcophant's words. Those of the faith witnessing this would swear Treasure herself is lending her strength to Pætros's (bullshit) words.

OOC: pork buns are also a sacrament, as per Yatagan's Porcine Gospels.

Pætros offers a sage nod in response. "How could not? Bacon proof that gods exist, and love all men. But no other god know bacon as well as Glorious Treasure of the Heavens, for reasons obvious. Or Pork Buns, which almost as good."

Placing an arm around Lord Bum's shoulders, Pætros leans in close. "Is good god," he says in a tone of deep sincerity. "Not just saying this. Smell takes getting used to, but no god is without flaws. And pig god know better than to judge."

Mallus wrote:

"Oddly no. Normally I'd have some memory of the place I was distilled, but alas, I do not. It was as if I was knocked insensate. And once in the bottle, we have no real awareness, except of loss and the crawl of time. Gallows would know. Wait, was it Gallows who sold me to the young Rum?"

"That was certainly our assumption," says Odanais, "but I'm suddenly beginning to suspect that a certain magistrate and his personal wizard are behind this."

Odanais wonders fruitlessly, would waking up Armand simply give Sancere control of his body again? Or would Armand be able to speak?

Arcane: 13

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 4

Rolzup wrote:

Can live on in pee of pig-god, you think?

Sancerre, who is a ghost, in case you might have forgotten, blanches.

OOC: you want to feed Recollection Wine to Treasure the Treasure the Pig God? Marvelous, though I'm a little ashamed that Yatagan never thought to do something so daft.

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Faith own reward, and other things? Will come in time, sure.

"So it wouldn't be a Pact?" reiterates Lord Bum.

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Bacon proof that gods exist, and love all men.

"I've never heard a priest speak so much truth" says Bum in a dreamy voice.

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Or Pork Buns, which almost as good."

OOC: I see the roots of the Churches first schism here: between the Baconists and the Partisans of Yatagan (and their Holy Buns).

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And pig god know better than to judge."

"A god without judgment? Truly this is miracle!"

gridley wrote:

"That was certainly our assumption," says Odanais, "but I'm suddenly beginning to suspect that a certain magistrate and his personal wizard are behind this."

OOC: Earnest Gallows did claim to have sold the bottle containing Sancerre to Armand Rum. Though he did seem to be slightly less than completely forthcoming.

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Odanais wonders fruitlessly, would waking up Armand simply give Sancere control of his body again? Or would Armand be able to speak?

Arcane: 13

In Odanais's Port this particular spirit is known as 'Possession Wine', and even in his most sad and desperate moments he was never tempted to experiment with it, or even study the substance. It seems reasonable that waking Armand would merely put Sancerre back in the driver's seat, but he's not sure.

In fact, when you ask the surviving pirates about any suspicious behavior Sancerre might have exhibited --say like like waking in the middle of the night claiming to be someone else-- it turns out he did not. He slept --ie lost consciousness-- like a normal man.

Though Odanais swears he caught a glimmer of Armand Rum's mind in his eyes after blasting Sancerre with his Primal Scream Therapy Ray.

OOC: anything else you'd like to do before bidding adieu to the Unseemly Court?

OOC: Where to next??

Mallus wrote:

OOC: Where to next??

How about the wine merchant?

Mallus wrote:

Though Odanais swears he caught a glimmer of Armand Rum's mind in his eyes after blasting Sancerre with his Primal Scream Therapy Ray.

Could we still take a shot at the skill challenge?

gridley wrote:

Could we still take a shot at the skill challenge?

You're going to shoot him in the head till Armand reappears, aren't you?

shilsen wrote:

You're going to shoot him in the head till Armand reappears, aren't you?

It wouldn't be the worst strategy I've ever come up with!

gridley wrote:

Could we still take a shot at the skill challenge?

Using his instinctive insights into arcane matters, Odanais has already begun to sketch out the ritual which will sever the tie between Armand Rum's body and Sancerre's soul as the League prepares to take their leave of Twilight Hill and the Unseemly Court of Lord Bum.

Dazzling Ray is the key. But what comes next? Oh fuck it, somebody will think of something.

OOC: you all can try a Skill Challenge starting tomorrow, when Odanais can cast Dazzling Ray again. The Ray will count as one automatic success. The rest of the Skill Challenge will combine creating the Ritual and executing it properly.

shilsen wrote:

How about the wine merchant?

Before you all leave his liege Arsely Bottom to tend to his flock, the Mismatched Monarch approaches, dropping the royal 'we' like a wormy apple.

"I'd like to offer you my thanks" he says to Artichoke. "More importantly, I'd like to offer you these. Mainly because I'm a fair man. Also because they're not mine, so no skin off my nose". He presents Sancerre's pair of matched scimitars to the balding warlord.

The slightly kite-like spirit of Sancerre sighs as Lord Bum makes a gift of his blades. "They're infused with my spirit. Take good care of them, eh? Do play the do-gooder every now and then. Please?" says Sancerre hopefully.

OOC: I'm not sure what they are yet, at least +3, and I'm not sure how they fit in to our rather fuzzy approach to magic items. I suppose the key points are 1) they're better than any weapons you currently have and 2) each has a part of Sancerre's soul in them.

After a short walk through the largely deserted Five Fathom's Market the League arrives at the doorstep of Earnest Gallows shop, "The Last Resort", located on the border of Five Fathoms and The Gaze. As Artichoke knocks the brass knocker in his hand grows noticeably colder. In a second it's painful to the touch.

As Artichoke lets go the door swings open. A blast of cold just below the frostbite-inducing threshold washes over him. "Closed" says the chillborn zombie on the other side.

"I think you're open for us corpse boy."