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 Captain Clagoff

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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:35 pm

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:38 pm

Vox recoils, his eyes darting back and forth between Yatigan and Odanais.

They're mad. Barking mad. Oh, gods, what have I done....
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:45 pm

OOC: Oh, Lord - that's just wrong!

IC: Lord Dandy's brow furrows further and his eyes glaze over slightly, and then he shakes his head and refocuses. "Wait!" he says, "You're the people with the Miracle Pig? I heard about that. Something about a riot among the temples and ... well, I see." Clearly, he does not.

Dandy remains silent for a couple of moments and then says, "So Clagoff is the person whom you, ahem, freed this pig from? And he wants it back and has been threatening you? Interesting." He falls silent again, this time leaning back in his chair and looking at the ceiling in a thoughtful manner.

Finally, he looks back down at the group and says carefully, "Clearly, Clagoff has not yet committed any crime I can arrest him for, but just as clearly, he cannot claim this creature, since it ... I mean, she is apparently miraculous. And since the arenas are illegal and she wasn't purchased in the Port, he has no legal right to her. Clearly. Of course, even though all of that is evident, a person of Clagoff's nature might give in to greed and commit a criminal act in stealing - or trying to - your pig. In which case, depending on what he does, he might have to be arrested." Dandy clears his throat. "All of that is hypothetical, of course, but I thought I should apprise you of the precise legal circumstances here."

He looks around. "I hope that is helpful, since I'm not sure how else I could be of aid in this matter. Unless you have some other suggestions or requests?"

OOC: Diplomacy would help more than Religion here, so I'm just applying Yatagan's 20 to it (and assuming Odanais' 4 was simply to try and aid another).
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:48 pm

shilsen wrote:
"So Clagoff is the person whom you, ahem, freed this pig from?
"Actually, Captain Clagoff's man Dagobert Hax tried to kill us with the Miracle Pig during the dockworker's strike. Sicked her on us as she she were a common dog then fled into ship" clarifies Yatagan.

As the Magistrate finishes, Yatagan pipes up. "If it pleases Your Lordship, perhaps there is something you could do. It is common knowledge that Clagoff is the author of many tawdry, vulgar plays involving milk maids and the like. We were considering challenging the captain to a Duel of Arts. A play-writing competition, winner take the Miracle Pig. If it could be staged at an official venue in the Circus..."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:07 pm

gridley wrote:
shilsen wrote:
What sort of creature is this, anyway?

Odanais smiles. "I'm so glad you asked."

OOC: Queue music.
BTW, brilliant!
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:00 pm

Mallus wrote:
"Actually, Captain Clagoff's man Dagobert Hax tried to kill us with the Miracle Pig during the dockworker's strike. Sicked her on us as she she were a common dog then fled into ship" clarifies Yatagan.

As the Magistrate finishes, Yatagan pipes up. "If it pleases Your Lordship, perhaps there is something you could do. It is common knowledge that Clagoff is the author of many tawdry, vulgar plays involving milk maids and the like. We were considering challenging the captain to a Duel of Arts. A play-writing competition, winner take the Miracle Pig. If it could be staged at an official venue in the Circus..."

Dandy gives the group an appraising glance. "Ah, yes - the Driftglass Society's strike. So you were caught up in it? Pity. Unfortunately, with it having happened in the Stagger, there's not really anything I can do about it."

"But this drama idea is ... interesting. There are a few locations around the district which are currently free for alternative entertainment options and would likely be easy for you to rent. The Magistrate's office couldn't be involved in obtaining something like that for you, but one of my secretaries might - unofficially, of course - suggest some options for you. And I, depending on my appointments, might be interested in attending such a play. If invited. And with no affiliation to either of the competing groups, of course."

Dandy smiles pleasantly and turns his head to sniff at the bloom in his lapel. "By the way," he says, "Did you know that Clagoff is putting on a new play in a week's time? At some theater near his house, I believe."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:51 pm

shilsen wrote:
"But this drama idea is ... interesting. There are a few locations around the district which are currently free for alternative entertainment options and would likely be easy for you to rent. The Magistrate's office couldn't be involved in obtaining something like that for you, but one of my secretaries might - unofficially, of course - suggest some options for you.

"We would definitely appreciate that. A neutral location would go far to neutralizing Clagoff's homefield advantage."

shilsen wrote:
And I, depending on my appointments, might be interested in attending such a play. If invited. And with no affiliation to either of the competing groups, of course."

"Marvelous. We'll reserve a block seats for you and your family, sir."

shilsen wrote:
Dandy smiles pleasantly and turns his head to sniff at the bloom in his lapel. "By the way," he says, "Did you know that Clagoff is putting on a new play in a week's time? At some theater near his house, I believe."

"Interesting. By any chance, do you know the subject matter?"
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 11:09 pm

gridley wrote:
"We would definitely appreciate that. A neutral location would go far to neutralizing Clagoff's homefield advantage."

"Leave your address when you depart." Dandy smiles thinly. "Unofficially, of course."

Quote :
"Marvelous. We'll reserve a block seats for you and your family, sir."

"Thank you. My wife is a delicate flower and may not attend, but I shall certainly do so if I can, and some of my daughters might be interested." He pauses thoughtfully and then says, "A private box, preferably with refreshments - cold water would be good - would be a good idea."

Quote :
"Interesting. By any chance, do you know the subject matter?"

Lord Dandy sniffs disdainfully. "I believe the title is "The Avenger's Tragedy," for what it's worth. Knowing 'Nick Middleton'," he says, using Clagoff's well-known dramatic pseudonym, "And his usual plays, it will include at least one ghost, a woman dressed as a man, a case of poisoning, a speech to a skull, long windy soliloquies, and a last act where fourteen people and a dog will die. The man is predictable. And a hack."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Wed Jan 14, 2009 11:17 pm

shilsen wrote:
And a hack."
"You haven't seen anything yet!" says Yatagan. He's positively beaming.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:06 am

shilsen wrote:
Lord Dandy sniffs disdainfully. "I believe the title is "The Avenger's Tragedy," for what it's worth. Knowing 'Nick Middleton'," he says, using Clagoff's well-known dramatic pseudonym, "And his usual plays, it will include at least one ghost, a woman dressed as a man, a case of poisoning, a speech to a skull, long windy soliloquies, and a last act where fourteen people and a dog will die. The man is predictable. And a hack."
That play actually sounds great to Heyoka, but he diplomatically decides not to challenge Dandy to a duel for insulting his favorite playwright.

"Nick Middleton is actually Clagoff? Really? After we beat him, we should get his autograph. Um, for our records. To show we beat him."

Heyoka secretly thinks, "we have to beat Nick Middleton at playwrighting? We're doomed."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 9:58 am

Atlatl wrote:
That play actually sounds great to Heyoka

B-b-b-but...

shilsen wrote:
a dog will die.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:05 am

"I want to make it very clear," Vox says to Yatigan after leaving Dandy's office, "That I will not be doing any acting, singing, dancing, or mummery. And that's final. I have little enough dignity remaining to me, and I shan't further erode it by making a fool of myself on a publis stage.

"But I do need to ask -- and I know that this seems to run counter to your entire philosophy -- but is this play of yours going to contain any elements of truth at all? And by truth, I don't means facts -- drab, boring things, those -- but Truth. The Truth of how Clagoff opressed the...um...'Miracle Pig' and wished to sacrifice her on the altar of public amusement? How Dandy and Petard, through their wisdom and benevolence, made it possible for you...us...to save her and allow her to achieve her apotheosis?

"So, really, by truth I mean 'sucking up' and 'slandering'."

He shrugs. "I'm not really a showman -- I hadn't realized that you people were of a theatrical bent. But I do know petty politics, that's for damned sure."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:33 am

Rolzup wrote:
"I want to make it very clear," Vox says to Yatigan after leaving Dandy's office, "That I will not be doing any acting, singing, dancing, or mummery. And that's final.
"Can you sew?" asks Yatagan. "We'll need costumes... or perhaps you can assist Mr. Dare with the dramatic lighting effects. You seem to have a talent for shadows."

Quote :
"So, really, by truth I mean 'sucking up' and 'slandering'."
"Of course".

Quote :
"I'm not really a showman -- I hadn't realized that you people were of a theatrical bent.
"We are now. Have no fear, Mr. Cadaveris. While it's true I am a poet, the stage should pose no difficulties. Theater is just poetry with more broke people milling about."

"Besides, no company of mere actors can match the talents we're going to bring to bear on the audience". Coming from Yatagan this sounds like a threat. Which it probably is.

Quote :
But I do know petty politics, that's for damned sure."
"We practice a rough kind of poetry over in the Quadrille. Half our couplets are little more than politics; flattery, rhyming libel, and --how does your kind put it?-- public rooster-sucking."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:35 am

Should we be off to Clagoff's? Where are we meeting him, anyway? Should we bring a consolation prize, perhaps a roast pig?
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:45 am

Mallus wrote:
Should we be off to Clagoff's? Where are we meeting him, anyway? Should we bring a consolation prize, perhaps a roast pig?

"If you truly want to befuddle the man, press the issue of the swine's divine nature. One of you people can 'channel her spir'it, and make bizarre and vaguely threatening pronouncements, eh?

"Really not that different from what appears to be your normal modus operandi, when you think about it."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 11:02 am

Rolzup wrote:
One of you people can 'channel her spir'it, and make bizarre and vaguely threatening pronouncements, eh?
"Excellent suggestion! Perhaps, instead of mere roast pig we should bring Clagoff a porcine revenant, complete with a carved-apple skull in it's mouth!"

Yatagan looks at Penelope and asks, sweetly, "Are you certain we can't have a zombie pig?"
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 11:28 am

Mallus wrote:
Yatagan looks at Penelope and asks, sweetly, "Are you certain we can't have a zombie pig?"

The archer frowns at Yatagan. "If you can convince me that's somehow humane, maybe," she says, the disapproval apparent in her voice. "What would you do with a zombie pig afterward, anyway? Kill the innocent creature again?"

"And what do you expect me to do for the play?" Penelope adds, both curious and dismayed about Yatagan's plans. "Anything?"
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 11:44 am

Penelope wrote:

The archer frowns at Yatagan. "If you can convince me that's somehow humane, maybe," she says, the disapproval apparent in her voice. "What would you do with a zombie pig afterward, anyway? Kill the innocent creature again?"

"Roast it! Imagine, it could walk about and sell choice cuts of its own meat! Might even be a draw in certain parts of the port...."

Vox stops in the middle of the street, a faint look of panic crossing his face. "Dear gods...whatever you people have is contagious, isn't it?"
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 11:53 am

Rolzup wrote:
Vox stops in the middle of the street, a faint look of panic crossing his face. "Dear gods...whatever you people have is contagious, isn't it?"

"I am perfectly sane," says Penelope, sounding completely confident in her statement. "And remember, I said humane..."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:15 pm

Rolzup wrote:
"Dear gods...whatever you people have is contagious, isn't it?"
"What we have, good sir, is imagination, high spirits, and a love of adventure! It's most certainly contagious" says Yatagan breathlessly.

"Now is it too late to find a butcher shop and a necromancer?"
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:20 pm

Penelope wrote:
"And what do you expect me to do for the play?" Penelope adds, both curious and dismayed about Yatagan's plans. "Anything?"

"Well, it would be delightful to have you on stage, but if that's not your cup of tea, how about perched in a balcony with your bow ready to take out critics?"
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:27 pm

Rolzup wrote:
Vox stops in the middle of the street, a faint look of panic crossing his face. "Dear gods...whatever you people have is contagious, isn't it?"

"Definitely contagious," says Odanais, throwing his hand dramatically to his forehead as though to check a fever. "As a doctor of arcana, I recommend not rubbing your eyes immediately after being in battle with Sir Yatagan. And it might not hurt to gargle with a little apple cider vinegar as well."
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:47 pm

gridley wrote:


B-b-b-but...

shilsen wrote:
a dog will die.
Heyoka's a sucker for tragedies.

"What do you expect me to do? I've never tried acting before, and I don't know if I have a talent for it. Maybe I could spike the drinks in the concession stand."

(Heal check to see if Heyoka knows of any drugs that would enhance the appreciation of bad dragonborn melodrama: 26)


Last edited by Atlatl on Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:47 pm

The member 'Atlatl' has done the following action : Dice Roller

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PostSubject: Re: Captain Clagoff   Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:54 pm

gridley wrote:
Rolzup wrote:
Vox stops in the middle of the street, a faint look of panic crossing his face. "Dear gods...whatever you people have is contagious, isn't it?"

"Definitely contagious," says Odanais, throwing his hand dramatically to his forehead as though to check a fever. "As a doctor of arcana, I recommend not rubbing your eyes immediately after being in battle with Sir Yatagan. And it might not hurt to gargle with a little apple cider vinegar as well."
"And whatever you do, don't go near any young children or expectant mothers."

Heyoka glances at Yatagan. "You might want to avoid virgins too. Who knows what effect Yatagan's... stuff... would have on them."


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