Captain Clagoff

Heyoka stomps "quietly" down the stairs, with a pained expression on his face, holding a big bowl of coffee. His discheveled hair goes beyond bed-head, into bed-whole-body.

"Hi guys, did I miss something? Man that was some powerful milk those bedouin guys were serving!" (OOC: To explain why Heyoka didn't jump headlong into the previous affair, he was in bed after accidentally discovering kumiss. Heyoka really liked the milk drink that he got with his kebab, and drank about a dozen bowls of it before realizing that it was alcoholic.)

shilsen wrote:

Also, in case this matters to your plans, the magistrate now in charge of the Ethical Circus district after the recent reshuffling is Lord Dandy, who is highly opposed to the blood sports. So the arenas will be closed and functioning in other capacities (including a couple as theaters) until a more amenable magistrate takes over. Some blood sport will still occur, but it will be much more surreptitious than before.

When someone mentions this, Heyoka snorts. "'Dandy'? Those magistrates doesn't even try to hide it, do they!" He perks up, having thought of a cunning plan. "That gives me an idea! Why don't we, you know, give this Dandy some street urchin or another, so he'll help us. There are tons of street boys around here who would do anything for a bit of coin." He winks 'subtly' at Odanais. "You could convince one to do that, couldn't you?"

Atlatl wrote:

When someone mentions this, Heyoka snorts. "'Dandy'? Those magistrates doesn't even try to hide it, do they!" He perks up, having thought of a cunning plan. "That gives me an idea! Why don't we, you know, give this Dandy some street urchin or another, so he'll help us. There are tons of street boys around here who would do anything for a bit of coin." He winks 'subtly' at Odanais. "You could convince one to do that, couldn't you?"

"Good point," says Odanais. "Yes, I think I know a young man whom we could send around to Dandy's house with... say... an invitation to our play?"

Atlatl wrote:

When someone mentions this, Heyoka snorts. "'Dandy'? Those magistrates doesn't even try to hide it, do they!" He perks up, having thought of a cunning plan. "That gives me an idea! Why don't we, you know, give this Dandy some street urchin or another, so he'll help us. There are tons of street boys around here who would do anything for a bit of coin." He winks 'subtly' at Odanais. "You could convince one to do that, couldn't you?"

I don't normally indulge in such crass internet fads, but...



...it just seems so fitting.

Penelope stares for a moment at Heyoka, mildly horrified by his suggestion. When Odanais chimes in, she doesn't feel any better.

"I don't think we're getting anywhere," says the archer, sighing. "I don't support butchering a pig or violating a boy. Let's just visit Clagoff and try to deal with him diplomatically. Or talk to Dandy - without offending him - about how we saved Treasure from the Circus, see what happens, and then visit Clagoff. Or... do the play thing, whatever that was."

I kind of miss the bald man, Penelope reflects, He was bossy, but he did get things moving.

Rolzup wrote:

I don't normally indulge in such crass internet fads, but...

...it just seems so fitting.

In comparison to what other people are doing here, that hardly counts as crass.

Penelope wrote:

I don't support butchering a pig or violating a boy.

We might be the only D&D group in existence where that's a perfectly acceptable in-character comment.

And I just thought of a title for our story-hour: "Of Pigs, Pederasty, and Portable Gods."

Yatagan sits quietly contemplating the paradox of Draconic ethics. Procuring a boy would be expedient, and expediency is a virtue. But whoring a child could be seen as a sin. 'Tis a puzzlement!

Eventually Yatagan says, "Ms. Pindar is right. We should seeks an audience with Lord Dandy and see if we can engage his sympathies, not indulge his predilections. If he can't offer us direct aid, we shall ask for permission to stage the play. Perhaps he'll even consent to be a judge. Then we'll meet with Captain Clagoff."

Yatagan gets up, downs the last of his Pernod, and straps his shield to his arm in the manner of the Dragonborn courtiers of old.

"But if we do stage the play, and if a perfumed catamite should happen to end up in the judges box, who are we to stop it? Or admit responsibility?

Rolzup wrote:

I don't normally indulge in such crass internet fads, but...

OOC: BTW... excellent use of the Picard facepalm.

Also, I'm envisioning one of the League entering Port politics at some point and having to explain how they were against pederasty until they were for it.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan sits quietly contemplating the paradox of Draconic ethics. Procuring a boy would be expedient, and expediency is a virtue. But whoring a child could be seen as a sin. 'Tis a puzzlement!

So the League was so effective at accusing Petard of pederasty that they now believe all the magistrates are pederasts?

Damn, you guys are good!

Quote :

Also, I'm envisioning one of the League entering Port politics at some point and having to explain how they were against pederasty until they were for it.

Note to self...

shilsen wrote:

So the League was so effective at accusing Petard of pederasty that they now believe all the magistrates are pederasts?

Yes. As a result of 'winning' that Skill Challenge, half the party now believes their lies are true.

Quote :

Note to self...

Magistrate Dare fits right in with the NPC's we created. Hell, Magistrate Jumps-Off-Mountains does us one better...

Penelope wrote:

"I don't think we're getting anywhere," says the archer, sighing. "I don't support butchering a pig or violating a boy. Let's just visit Clagoff and try to deal with him diplomatically. Or talk to Dandy - without offending him - about how we saved Treasure from the Circus, see what happens, and then visit Clagoff. Or... do the play thing, whatever that was."

Mallus wrote:

Eventually Yatagan says, "Ms. Pindar is right. We should seeks an audience with Lord Dandy and see if we can engage his sympathies, not indulge his predilections. If he can't offer us direct aid, we shall ask for permission to stage the play. Perhaps he'll even consent to be a judge. Then we'll meet with Captain Clagoff."

So do we have what passes for consensus in the group (i.e. lack of violent disagreement)? Off to Dandy first and then Clagoff?

shilsen wrote:

Off to Dandy first and then Clagoff?

Sure, why not.

(At least this course of action doesn't involve arson. I mean, immediately)

Mallus wrote:

"We should seeks an audience with Lord Dandy and see if we can engage his sympathies"

"I don't really recall 'sympathy engaging' being one of our skills," says Odanais under his breath. "Perhaps I missed it, what with all the 'risk baiting' and 'danger escalation.'"

In case this becomes relevant, here's the easily available information on Lord Dandy:

Quote :

Lord Dandy is rather unusual for an Elf; he is far from flighty, he disdains wine and song, in fact, he seems altogether unnerved by, even frightened of, the pleasures of the flesh. While he does have impeccable style and the appearance of a fop, he is better known as the port’s foremost authority on botany (his love of flora is perhaps the only truly Elven trait), and for his seven, beautiful, unmarried daughters. Despite his daughters, Lord Dandy is long-rumored to be asexual. Of his wife little is known, or even said. Dandy claims to have met her on a botanical expedition into the Interior, though none on the trip recall his leaving the Interior with the bride-to-be. Just wagon and wagon of floral samples, some quite massive.

According to Lord Dandy his wife is his ‘unique flower’, and, as he puts it, ‘an all-consuming woman’. Supposedly she never leaves his manse, spending most of her time in its enormous glass hothouse. However, his daughters are often about town. By name they are; Dahlia, Iris, Violet, Lily, Primrose, Hyacinth, and Larkspur. They are highly sought after, being pretty and always intoxicatingly scented, thought their eyes are disconcertingly empty. None have married, though they've gone through quite a number of suitors each. Apparently the experience is so heart-breaking the men leave the port immediately after and are never heard from again.

There exists a certain rivalry between Lords Lively and Dandy.

IC post soon to follow. Also, I've added some information on all the magistrates to The World forum, since that's something all your PCs would know.

shilsen wrote:

Lord Dandy is rather unusual for an Elf; he is far from flighty, he disdains wine and song, in fact, he seems altogether unnerved by, even frightened of, the pleasures of the flesh. While he does have impeccable style and the appearance of a fop, he is better known as the port’s foremost authority on botany (his love of flora is perhaps the only truly Elven trait), and for his seven, beautiful, unmarried daughters. Despite his daughters, Lord Dandy is long-rumored to be asexual.

Trying to win his favors with a tarted-up street urchin sounds like a great idea then. I can't see how that could possibly go badly.

IC Note to self: brew up some intoxicating (i.e. narcotic) flower perfume to put on the boy.

Quote :

Of his wife little is known, or even said. Dandy claims to have met her on a botanical expedition into the Interior, though none on the trip recall his leaving the Interior with the bride-to-be. Just wagon and wagon of floral samples, some quite massive.

According to Lord Dandy his wife is his ‘unique flower’, and, as he puts it, ‘an all-consuming woman’. Supposedly she never leaves his manse, spending most of her time in its enormous glass hothouse.

I don't suppose her name is Audrey II? Or that Dandy has a young employee named Seymour?

Atlatl wrote:

Trying to win his favors with a tarted-up street urchin sounds like a great idea then. I can't see how that could possibly go badly.

Exactly!

Quote :

I don't suppose her name is Audrey II? Or that Dandy has a young employee named Seymour?

No comment.

Mallus wrote:

Yes. As a result of 'winning' that Skill Challenge, half the party now believes their lies are true.

I'm amazed that people are actually taking Heyoka's suggestion seriously!

Quote :

Magistrate Dare fits right in with the NPC's we created. Hell, Magistrate Jumps-Off-Mountains does us one better...

Heyoka would flatly refuse that suggestion, with a disgusted look on his face. He's not of the right... inclination to be a magistrate, and he wouldn't be able to swallow his disgust enough to just go through the motions. To "Lay back and think of The Port", if you will.

Atlatl wrote:

I'm amazed that people are actually taking Heyoka's suggestion seriously!

Why? It's more amusing that way.

Those of the League making their way to meet Lord Dandy have a fairly uneventful trip, barring the people in the Stagger who seem to haunt (or flee from) their footsteps. A few vagrants also bother them for money, presuming that their new-found fame is accompanied by wealth (and hopefully, charity).

It is early evening when they arrive at the Ethical Circus and, after asking a couple of people where it is, make their way to the Magistrate’s offices. On the way, they pass a number of places which are evidently locations for the blood-sport which gives the district its name. These range from large arenas which could hold a few thousand people to inns or taverns whose signs feature a crossed claw and sword, both dripping blood, which indicate that they contain one or more fighting pits. All of these have some sort of sign on them stating that they have been closed or are not featuring any fights at the moment, usually with a “By order of the Magistrate” attached. Clearly this is something they are used to, since many of the claw-and-sword signs actually have an attached wooden flap, which is simply lowered over them when a less amenable Magistrate is in charge.

Like many of the Magistrates, Lord Dandy has his own home in the Sway of Medallion, but for working purposes he occupies the same building that all those in charge of the Ethical Circus do. The large mansion is less busy than would be the case earlier in the day, and once the League-members have spoken to a functionary or two, they are eventually shown up to Dandy’s office area. Guards divest them of weapons and obvious arcane implements before they are allowed in to a meeting room where the Magistrate awaits them.

Lord Dandy is a tall and slim elf dressed, as his name indicates, in the height of elven fashion. He also looks slightly frazzled and tired, though he carries it well, perhaps due to the process of changing districts so recently. “Yes?” he asks, in a thin and cultured voice, “What can I do for you? It is,” he glances out the window and fiddles with a large bloom in his lapel, “Late, so you are lucky to have caught me here, before I headed home for the day.”

OOC: Since Yatagan's mind is still on his violent, Bollywood version of Porgy and Bess, where the role of Bess is played by a giant, feral pig, someone else should start off this negotiation. Penelope? Odanais?

If I don't talk, one of them is going to say something dumb.

"There's this criminal," begins Penelope, somewhat reluctantly, "a Captain Clagoff, in your district... he's trying to take back a very beautiful creature we saved from his... umm... illegal activities." She pauses, not really sure how to communicate the story to the magistrate. "It's complicated. But he wants to use her for pit-fighting and he's threatening to steal her from us using force. The former is surely illegal, and threatening people that bring... umm... justice to the Port is just in bad taste. Anyway, we were thinking that you could arrest him." Again the archer pauses, slightly miffed by her lack of eloquence, and then adds, "Please?"

Lord Dandy clasps his hands together in a precise (some would say "prissy") manner as he listens to Penelope and then nods, with a frown on his brow. "Yes, pit-fighting is illegal," he says, "Or at least currently illegal, till someone else takes over this place. Disgusting sport!" Raising a lacy handkerchief to his nose, he sniffs disdainfully and casts another disapproving glance out the window, before looking back at the League-members.

"And I do know of Clagoff. Very crude man. Fairly well-connected and rich too, unfortunately, but frankly lacking in class and breeding. And simply threatening someone, even if that may be in rank bad taste, as you mentioned, is not strictly illegal. So an arrest might be problematic, unless he actually takes this creature and attempts to use it in the arena. What sort of creature is this, anyway? And exactly who are you people and what is your interest in the creature, whatever it is?" He falls silent at this point.

Some of the League-members get the impression that, despite his foppish appearance, Lord Dandy is a lot smarter than he might seem. One thing is for certain - being, and remaining, a Magistrate in the Port takes some doing, so the elf might have a little more to him than meets the eye.

shilsen wrote:

What sort of creature is this, anyway?

Odanais smiles. "I'm so glad you asked."

OOC: Queue music.

"Treasure is a pig, a pig I say, but not just any pig, no sireee, for she was bourne by the Astral Sea, on waves that carried her to you and me. Though doomed to die from the like of it, on a butcher's spit or a gladitorial pit, we were summoned as onto the docks she was tossed, to rescue her at any cost, so that such a pig need never be lost. And now this miracle pig lives with us, her presence in the stagger attracting quite a fuss. For she's healed the weak and helped the poor, and given hope to folks right down to their core. Her parades and tributes and visits with gods have won her praises and some of us nods, but they've also placed us at dire odds, with violent, wretched evil sods. The sort who announce their vile plans, while rubbing together all their evil hands, laughing evil laughs with heads aloft, I refer, of course, to Captain Claggoff. He promises to attack us and steal our Treasure and reduce our city's blessings by more than a measure. And so we come to you in our time of need, to see how most wisely to proceed."

OOC: Shall I do a Religion skill check there? 4+11=15.

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 4

Yatagan will harmonize as Odanais begins to sing.

OOC: Aid Another -Religion 26, so that's +2 for Odanais. Come everybody, join in.


OOC: Now we are definitely putting on a musical vs. Clagoff!