Finishing Up With A Bang: The Goblin Cannonball and All That Comes After

At the wedding reception, the dwarf Misquamacas delivered a wedding gift to Fagin and Z'roa from his master. While Fagin surrounding himself with protective orphans, Z'roa opened it. Although the box was very small, it was extremely heavy. Inside she found, a tiny statue of a gazelle carved from some sort of very dense black glass. Even Yatagan could recognize it as Avernal Glass, the ultra-hard obsidian covering the ruins of Pandemonium. The note from Lord Graz'zt said that it was carved by the sculptor Szerrazmay and that he thought it would make the perfect gift.

A short sea voyage and pig flight later, Yatagan, Chakram, Lizzy, and Pogsley tracked down the site where Illuyankas had dug before being captured and the odd psychic devotees of dead Emperor Asmodeus who protect it. Oddly, they avoided a fight with them.

Back in the City of Brass, Chakram took to the streets, but was unable to turn up anything on the sculptor who can work Avernal Glass. He turned to Leleli Navadni, a Salamander mobster who deals in information. In exchange for the promise of information on Count Orquiel, he let Chakram know that Sultan Kilyath al-din Melishah, ruler of Djinntown and Lord of Dis, has a concubine in his harem named Szerrazmay.

They sent Szerrazmay a note and arranged a meeting. Once he confirmed that they were actually from The Port, the Efreet concubine turned out to be extraordinarily helpful. He told them that his lover Karnarak had been captured by a mage named Cecelia Rhum (current wife of the current Lord Rhum) and imprisoned in a large ruby. In exchange for a vow that they would free Karnarak, he gave them some of the elixir that briefly gives his hands the ability to mold Avernal Glass as though it were as soft as butter and helped them plan how to use it.

The next day they filled Pogsley full of potions (water breathing, regeneration and x-ray vision), then bathed him in the elixir, and fired him into the black glass mantle from a cannon. They gave him 45 seconds and then fired a second cannon upward, launching the cannonball chained to Poglsey's waist, dragging him out of the Avernal Glass moments before it hardened around him.

They healed the nearly dead goblin, examined the carved tablet clutched in his hand, confirming that it contains the city-moving ritual, and once again oddly avoided a conflict with the psychic guardians of the black glass, despite tearing up a large section of it's beautifully smooth surface with their excavation.

With Fagin married and the ritual in hand, all that remains is a visit to the soon to be exiled Count Orquiel and the festival in which Fagin and the Pesach family will present their god to be sacrificed. What could possibly go wrong?

Sounds like a fun session. I'm sorry I missed it.

gridley wrote:

The next day they were they filled Pogsley full of potions (water breathing, regeneration and x-ray vision), then bathed him in the elixir, and fired him into the black glass mantle from a cannon. They gave him 45 seconds and then fired a second cannon upward, launching the cannonball chained to Poglsey's waist, dragging him out of the Avernal Glass moments before it hardened around him.

That's...



brilliant!

Atlatl Jones wrote:

That's...



brilliant!

I had suggested giving Pogsley a smaller cannon, which he'd carry with him in the bigger cannon, so that he could shoot himself back out of the hole, but Lizzy wanted to go a more boring route. Chakram thought it would be brilliant to make the goblin shoot himself right after being shot into a plain of infernal obsidian.

gridley wrote:

With Fagin married and the ritual in hand, all that remains is a visit to the soon to be exiled Count Orquiel and the festival in which Fagin and the Pesach family will present their god to be sacrificed. What could possibly go wrong?

OOC: Do the others want to come along to see Count Orquiel when Chakram goes there? He might want to see his dirty old man one last time

shilsen wrote:

OOC: Do the others want to come along to see Count Orquiel when Chakram goes there? He might want to see his dirty old man one last time

Yatagan will tag along. He'll bring a signed copy of Porky and Bless'd for the Count.

Fagin will come along too. He'll bring a pair of his ratty old underpants, as a gift. Unwashed. And delicately wrapped in a package of beautifully folded parchment and gold foil.

Everything about the stone spiral staircase seems designed for maximum discomfort. Poorly-fitted stones form steps of varying lengths often tilting at dangerously downward slopes, as though the stonemason wanted you to fall. One of the behemoth guards at the top who confiscated your magic items and handed you torches, suggested that counting the stairs on the way down sometimes helps to prevent madness. It's hard to keep count though, even if you try.

After sixty or so stairs, a foul dark bile oozes through the cracks in the stone walls, creating first an unearthly stench and then, as puddles of it collect, a treacherous slipping hazard. Chakram points out that you are now descending below the city's sewers, ancient subterranean canals of filth containing some of the most sinister and terrifying creatures ever to evolve. Just as your lungs are about to give out from the lack of oxygen making its way through the noxious fumes, the air begins to clear.

About a hundred-and-nine stairs in, the air turns deadly cold. A frigid, biting wind blows up from below, as unceasing as the darkness that whittles away the light from the torches you carry. Even your best illuminating magics fail to penetrate more than a few feet.

Somewhere around the one-hundred-eighty-sixth stair, you realize that the walls are gone. Reaching out carefully your hands find nothing but dark void on either side of the stairs, which seem to float in mid air, sometimes not even connected to stairs before them. This is where you begin to hear the haunted screams, simultaneously distant and impossibly near.

Around the two-hundred-and-forty-first step, all light and sound is suddenly extinguished and must continue onward in darkness and silence. Each of you seem to be alone now at least as far as you can tell. Fortunately irregularly placed columns now line the sides of the stairs, helping to prevent you from blindly stepping into the void. Unfortunately, they are drenched in warm running blood that flows up your arms as you touch them, eventually soaking through your clothing. The screams continue without ceasing, growing louder with every step.

Nearing the two-hundred-and-ninety-second step, the blood on the columns begins to rapidly dry and you begin to sweat. Soon you see and feel huge tendrils of flame bellowing forth from below. At times, the flames seem to bend through the air to nip at your face as though they were hungry, living things. The screams of agony are almost deafening now.

At the three-hundred-and-thirty-third step, feeling as though you are in the burning heart of a massive furnace, being burned alive with every soul that has ever screamed, you reach a door and push it open.

You step through into an oddly cool, dimly lit, slightly damp room, separated into two sections by a wall of curving, barbed bars. On the wall to your right is a huge eye, seemingly growing out of the stone itself. It silently examines you, blinks a few times, and then looks away as though bored with you.

On the other side of the bars, sitting on a wooden chair, is Count Orquiel.

Though not bothered in the least by the leaping flames and the warm blood, Chakram does find the constant screaming wearing on her, nor does the absence of her magical items and weapons make her any the more comfortable. Not that the infernal warrior is about to openly display such emotions, of course, and she somehow conspires to give the impression--through both expression and overall demeanor--that she is descending a staircase at a society soiree rather than into the sort of depths that most of Hell shudders at.

When she reaches the chamber at the bottom, Chakram breathes an internal sigh of relief and glances around the room. The sight of Orquiel, so recently a powerful noble and possessor of the plum position of ambassador to the Port, quickly squashes the sense of relief. This, she thinks for a moment, is ironically the reason why she and her kind so desperately squabble for power, position and leverage of any kind - because it is all so terribly fleeting. Perhaps it would be better to accompany these odd companions she has recently found and flee to the Port, rather than risk a fate like this.

The sight of the watching eye instantly brings her back to the moment. This is the difficult part, walking the thin line between being seen as a supporter of Orquiel's cause and squarely abandoning him, which might backfire in case he manages to extricate himself and return to Orcus' favor. Though, now that she has seen his current circumstances, Chakram somehow doubts that will occur.

Putting on an expression that attempts to be sympathetic and concerned, but not too much, she steps forward toward the bars. "Count Orquiel," she says, inclining her head, in a gesture which stops just short of the full obeisance due to a noble of the Hells. She says nothing more, not wanting to commit herself to an attitude and curious to see what his immediate response is.

shilsen wrote:

Putting on an expression that attempts to be sympathetic and concerned, but not too much, she steps forward toward the bars. "Count Orquiel," she says, inclining her head, in a gesture which stops just short of the full obeisance due to a noble of the Hells. She says nothing more, not wanting to commit herself to an attitude and curious to see what his immediate response is.

The count's mouth twists into a crooked smile. "Chakram... I should have thought you'd flee the Hells by now for fear of being associated with me... I don't suppose you've come to deliver good news?"

gridley wrote:

The count's mouth twists into a crooked smile. "Chakram... I should have thought you'd flee the Hells by now for fear of being associated with me... I don't suppose you've come to deliver good news?"

Chakram's lips twist in a wry smile and she says, blending honesty with careful lack of commitment, "I think it's a little late for me to worry about that, Count. Actually, I've been busy with them," she indicates those accompanying her with a small jerk of the head, "But I've been keeping a ear out for news of your situation. I finally got tired of the rumors and contradictory stories and thought I might as well see the truth." She considers him for a moment and then inquires, "So, going by what you said, I'm guessing you aren't expecting anything good?"

shilsen wrote:

Chakram's lips twist in a wry smile and she says, blending honesty with careful lack of commitment, "I think it's a little late for me to worry about that, Count. Actually, I've been busy with them," she indicates those accompanying her with a small jerk of the head, "But I've been keeping a ear out for news of your situation. I finally got tired of the rumors and contradictory stories and thought I might as well see the truth." She considers him for a moment and then inquires, "So, going by what you said, I'm guessing you aren't expecting anything good?"

"No, it seems unlikely," says Orquiel. "Someone has been slipping poisoned lies about me into the Emperor's ears. They've even produced letters, supposedly written by me to Lord Demogorgon, pledging to betray Orcus at his command."

The count mutters an ancient demonic curse and spits on the ground.

"I've survived far worse slander in my time, but Orcus is seeing enemies everywhere of late. And circumstances were rather compounded against me by my failing in one of the chief missions he assigned me. The Emperor wanted me to secure a pact from the Governor of the Port that he would lend him the might of his armada in case of a civil war in the Hells."

Orquiel sighs.

"After a year of negotiations, I thought I'd finally hammered out a deal with the old bugger, but then that bastard storm with a face started eating every ship between the Port and the Hells. Talks broke down and he confided that he could no longer see any circumstances in which he'd be prepared to risk his armada in our defense."

He throws up his hands. "That pretty much sealed my fate."

"That which wears a face can be stabbed in it" quotes Yatagan from the Paladin's Code of the Order of the Dragon Within. "Has any power arranged sorties against it? Or, to begin at the beginning, has anyone ascertained what the storm is, exactly?

Sir Yatagan Fracas, his faith unrivaled, his knowledge inconsequential, his sense of perspective utterly absent, senses a challenge.

Chakram looks curiously at Yatagan, having discovered that however many times she hears him come up with strange schemes, ideas and aims, it's difficult to predict or avoid being surprised by the next one. Then she turns to Orquiel and says, "I was wondering, since I've seen you come out of situations that seemed worse." She pauses and glances around the cell, before saying, this time with genuine sympathy, "Though this is pretty bad." If I ever ended up in a place like this I might kill myself.

"Is there nothing that can be done, then?" she asks, wondering if Orquiel will make any troublesome requests. "As you can imagine, there are all sorts of odd rumors flying around about what's about to happen with you. I was wondering if things were not quite ... sealed, as you say, since there's been no announcement of a replacement as ambassador to the Port. Or did you know of one?"

Mallus wrote:

"That which wears a face can be stabbed in it" quotes Yatagan from the Paladin's Code of the Order of the Dragon Within. "Has any power arranged sorties against it? Or, to begin at the beginning, has anyone ascertained what the storm is, exactly?

Sir Yatagan Fracas, his faith unrivaled, his knowledge inconsequential, his sense of perspective utterly absent, senses a challenge.

"Ah, Fracas," says Orquiel with a fleeting grin. "I suppose it's possible, but, alas, it's no concern of mine. Even if the storm could be miraculously stilled, it would be too late to save me from my doom tomorrow. I thank you, though, for offering."

shilsen wrote:

Chakram looks curiously at Yatagan, having discovered that however many times she hears him come up with strange schemes, ideas and aims, it's difficult to predict or avoid being surprised by the next one. Then she turns to Orquiel and says, "I was wondering, since I've seen you come out of situations that seemed worse." She pauses and glances around the cell, before saying, this time with genuine sympathy, "Though this is pretty bad." If I ever ended up in a place like this I might kill myself.

"Is there nothing that can be done, then?" she asks, wondering if Orquiel will make any troublesome requests. "As you can imagine, there are all sorts of odd rumors flying around about what's about to happen with you. I was wondering if things were not quite ... sealed, as you say, since there's been no announcement of a replacement as ambassador to the Port. Or did you know of one?"

"I know nearly nothing, I'm afraid." Orquiel shrugs. "But the one good thing about being executed tomorrow afternoon is that I no longer have to worry about what I don't know. My days of being mired in palace intrigue are at an end."

gridley wrote:

"I know nearly nothing, I'm afraid." Orquiel shrugs. "But the one good thing about being executed tomorrow afternoon is that I no longer have to worry about what I don't know. My days of being mired in palace intrigue are at an end."

Chakram spends a little more time in conversation with the Count, attempting to gauge if there's any useful information to be gained from him. If that's not the case, then she'll say that she'll be at the festival the next day to see him one last time, and then bid him goodbye.


OOC: Since she spent a while working for him in the Port, does Chakram have any info about the Count that might possibly be worth selling to someone? Especially in trade for information about who's going to be his replacement.

shilsen wrote:

Chakram spends a little more time in conversation with the Count, attempting to gauge if there's any useful information to be gained from him. If that's not the case, then she'll say that she'll be at the festival the next day to see him one last time, and then bid him goodbye.

"Farewell and good luck, Chakram," he says, taking her hand through the bars. "But be warned. If you happen to escape all this with your reputation in tact, you'd be wise to keep an eye on whatever bastard replaces me. Chances are he's the one what did me in. And if so, he may yet have plans for you as well."

shilsen wrote:

OOC: Since she spent a while working for him in the Port, does Chakram have any info about the Count that might possibly be worth selling to someone? Especially in trade for information about who's going to be his replacement.

While Chakram never before knew the exact nature of the Count's meetings with the Governor, she was always aware when they happened. The meetings were sporadic enough and the Count returned drunk enough for Chakram to assume they were purely social calls. Judging by the besotted state he was in most of those evenings, she has to wonder just how seriously he was taking these highly important negotiations. That said, she has never personally met the Governor, so she can't be absolutely certain that that isn't just the way he does business.

Yatagan bows low to Count Orquiel. "Please accept this paltry gift." Yatagan hands him his manuscript through the bars. "May it provides you with some small amusement ahead of the... unpleasantness to come."

The paladin turns to leave, sad-faced, with an small but tangible ding in his armor of clueless good cheer. "Should I be given the chance to smite the Storm What Wears a Face, or the black-hearted blackguard who unseated you, know I shall with all the strength in my arm and righteousness in my cloaca. I can do less for so noble a patron of the arts. And such a dancer!"

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan bows low to Count Orquiel. "Please accept this paltry gift." Yatagan hands him his manuscript through the bars. "May it provides you with some small amusement ahead of the... unpleasantness to come."

The paladin turns to leave, sad-faced, with an small but tangible ding in his armor of clueless good cheer. "Should I be given the chance to smite the Storm What Wears a Face, or the black-hearted blackguard who unseated you, know I shall with all the strength in my arm and righteousness in my cloaca. I can do less for so noble a patron of the arts. And such a dancer!"

"Much appreciated, m'boy," says Orquiel, as he flips through the pages. "I'm very glad that I lived in an age when your kind and mine could exchange pleasant words, rather than vicious magics and deadly machines."

gridley wrote:

While Chakram never before knew the exact nature of the Count's meetings with the Governor, she was always aware when they happened. The meetings were sporadic enough and the Count returned drunk enough for Chakram to assume they were purely social calls. Judging by the besotted state he was in most of those evenings, she has to wonder just how seriously he was taking these highly important negotiations. That said, she has never personally met the Governor, so she can't be absolutely certain that that isn't just the way he does business.

OOC: Considering he's already about to get the chop, I'm guessing the above information isn't something that anyone would be interested in paying for. So Chakram will settle for trying to talk to some of the people here and seeing if she can dig up a little information that way. If that doesn't help, she'll also drop some not-so-subtle hints that she, as someone who has worked for a while in the Port, is hoping for employment with whoever is about to replace Orquiel.

But we might want to hold off on the above, in case Mike wants Fagin to say any sweet farewells to the Count.

gridley wrote:

"I'm very glad that I lived in an age when your kind and mine could exchange pleasant words, rather than vicious magics and deadly machines."

"Truly it is the best of all possible ends of the world!" agrees the Dragonborn enthusiastically. Dr. Pangloss has nothing on Yatagan. Nothing.

shilsen wrote:

OOC: Considering he's already about to get the chop, I'm guessing the above information isn't something that anyone would be interested in paying for. So Chakram will settle for trying to talk to some of the people here and seeing if she can dig up a little information that way. If that doesn't help, she'll also drop some not-so-subtle hints that she, as someone who has worked for a while in the Port, is hoping for employment with whoever is about to replace Orquiel.

But we might want to hold off on the above, in case Mike wants Fagin to say any sweet farewells to the Count.

You never really know what sort of gossip will turn out to be useful to a sleaze broker like Navadni. One man's trash talk is another man's treasure.

After making the very long and disconcerting climb back to the surface, Chakram does some more digging. She found out very little about Orquiel except discussion of how exactly he'll be executed in the morning. However, she does hear a rumor that there will be two executions that day.

Apparently, authorities captured a Velrinc Tiefling using ancient magic to deface the Avernal glass resting place of the city of Pandemonium. Under torture, the Velrinc confessed to be working for Lord Demogorgon and seeking long buried relics to overthrow Emperor Orcus. Demogorgon has officially denied any knowledge of the affair, but Orcus apparently wants to increase the public executions of enemies of the state to send a clear message to all other traitors in his midst.

gridley wrote:

You never really know what sort of gossip will turn out to be useful to a sleaze broker like Navadni. One man's trash talk is another man's treasure.

After making the very long and disconcerting climb back to the surface, Chakram does some more digging. She found out very little about Orquiel except discussion of how exactly he'll be executed in the morning. However, she does hear a rumor that there will be two executions that day.

Apparently, authorities captured a Velrinc Tiefling using ancient magic to deface the Avernal glass resting place of the city of Pandemonium. Under torture, the Velrinc confessed to be working for Lord Demogorgon and seeking long buried relics to overthrow Emperor Orcus. Demogorgon has officially denied any knowledge of the affair, but Orcus apparently wants to increase the public executions of enemies of the state to send a clear message to all other traitors in his midst.

OOC: Hah! That's what happens when you don't have cutting-edge technology, like an oiled-up goblin in a cannon.

IC: Chakram files away that little piece of information and then turns to the others. "It seems we've learned and done whatever we could here. I think we should leave now and get some rest. Tomorrow will be a busy day and, with what I've seen around you people, someone or other will probably try to kill us as well."

Once they leave the area, Chakram heads over to Navadni's place to tell him whatever she's learned thus far.

OC: Isn't Captain Screwtape a Velrinc? If so...

IC: A concerned Yatagan hastily scrawls a letter to Culuss abourd the Unforgiven, thanking him again for the use of their cannon and inquiring after the health and well-being of his captain.

Mallus wrote:

OC: Isn't Captain Screwtape a Velrinc? If so...

OOC: Yup. I was wondering if someone else would bring it up, since Chakram wasn't about to. If it turned out to be Screwtape, she had a few ideas for possibly benefiting from it and/or distancing herself.

Mallus wrote:

OC: Isn't Captain Screwtape a Velrinc? If so...

IC: A concerned Yatagan hastily scrawls a letter to Culuss abourd the Unforgiven, thanking him again for the use of their cannon and inquiring after the health and well-being of his captain.

ooc: Yes, she is.

Yatagan receives a note promptly from the same messenger: "Captain Screwtape still away from ship. No word for several days."

shilsen wrote:

Mallus wrote:

OC: Isn't Captain Screwtape a Velrinc? If so...

OOC: Yup. I was wondering if someone else would bring it up, since Chakram wasn't about to. If it turned out to be Screwtape, she had a few ideas for possibly benefiting from it and/or distancing herself.

ooc: Hehe...

gridley wrote:

Yatagan receives a note promptly from the same messenger: "Captain Screwtape still away from ship. No word for several days."

Yatagan tips the messenger a Hellish doubloon. A slightly annoyed look crosses his face, as if he has several pomegranate seeds stuck between his fangs. "Screwtape is as good a woman as an ineffably bad woman can be. This will not do."

His voice booming, Yatagan calls a meeting of the Ordo Porco Dei on the matter of proving Captain Screwtape's innocence, or, failing that, freeing her and making a mad dash away from the Hells like the heroes of the cheap, paperback fiction of yore.