The Big Pig Riot

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Odanais, with his uncanny insight into the nature of the human (and others) condition, realizes what the people really want. A show. Something to help them forget their troubles (so many of which were actually caused by the people parading a giant pig through the streets), lighten their hearts, and uplift their spirits.

Or something like that.

Bread and circuses, that's what it comes down to. Always.

But what next? What could possibly make this event even more bizarre?

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Rolzup wrote:: But what next? What could possibly make this event even more bizarre?

Circuses? How about a scintillating display of athletics (+10) by Heyoka, as he capers ahead of the cavalcade, displaying the energy and skill bestowed upon him by the blessings of the miracle pig (while extolling the evils of eating pork, of course)?

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Rolzup wrote:: Something to help them forget their troubles (so many of which were actually caused by the people parading a giant pig through the streets), lighten their hearts, and uplift their spirits.

+

Quote :: even more bizarre?

=

Puppet show! thinks Yatagan.

The Dragonborn semi-coherently sketches out his latest creative endeavor to his companions; a puppet show depicting the Passion of the Pig, from her rescue on the docks to the upcoming blessing at the hands, well, tongue, of the Dog. Needless to say, Yatagan is speaking in a rapid jumble of stage whispers.

"... and whatever subsequent mummery is required can be conjured by Mr. Dare! Which leaves only the matter of the puppets themselves. Clearly we don't have time to make them from scratch, so we'll use Heyoka, and possibly Asarlai. We can use this twine for their strings and that beggars clothing for their motley -- you sir! I'd like to purchase your colourful tatters!"

"Best of all, since we'd be employing ersatz puppets, we won't need any talent. Our 'marionettes' can jerk their own strings."

By this point Yatagan is slightly out of breath. "What do you say?".

OOC: rules-wise, this is almost a nested Skill Challenge. Or maybe it's a Charisma check for the 'puppet master', with everyone else using Aid Another (based on whatever skill is relevant. Athletics or Acrobatics for the 'puppets', Nature for whoever is keeping Treasure from going berserk, etc.)

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Odanais will mysteriously manipulate the strings of their mock marrionettes with castings of Mage Hand, cause bursts of Light at dramatic moments, and even Prestidigitate some piglike Ghost Sounds, all while helpfully coaching Heyoka on how to best act like a pig--drawing on his vast knowledge of Nature [14+8=22, so +2 in aid?]. And all while doing his best to keep their beloved Treasure calm, happy, and worshippable.

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The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 14

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Mallus wrote:: Puppet show! thinks Yatagan.

....of course. Naturally. What else could it be?

With Yatigan involved, though, my mind is instantly drawn to a particular scene from Team America: World Police.

Mallus wrote:: OOC: rules-wise, this is almost a nested Skill Challenge. Or maybe it's a Charisma check for the 'puppet master', with everyone else using Aid Another (based on whatever skill is relevant. Athletics or Acrobatics for the 'puppets', Nature for whoever is keeping Treasure from going berserk, etc.)

That sounds good to me. Better than good, in fact -- this should be a delight on so many different levels!

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Rolzup wrote:: What else could it be?

It's funny what starts to seem logical with us.

Quote :: With Yatigan involved, though, my mind is instantly drawn to a particular scene from Team America: World Police.

It's not going to be that kind of puppet show. This time.

Quote :: Better than good, in fact -- this should be a delight on so many different levels!

So Odanais is doing the special effects and doubling as pig-handler.

I'm thinking Heyoka will do as shil suggested and use Athletics, bounding around playing both Captain Hax, himself, Yatagan, and possibly Petard, if we include him --how, if not by the grace of the pig, did we avoid being hung?

Asarlai will play Distaff and various goblins using Bluff (since it includes feinting in combat, I assume it can do double-duty for basic mummery and slapstick).

And "L" can use either Diplomacy to keep the crowd favorable, or Insight to give stage direction to the "puppets".

Who wants to roll this?

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Sounds like a plan.

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Since no one else is doing it, let's roll.

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The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

#1 'd20' : 12

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#2 'd20' : 19

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#3 'd20' : 19

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OK, assuming these are Heyoka, Asarlai, and "L" aiding puppet master Yatagan, plus Odanais, that's a total of +8 to his CHA check, so that's a total of +13 (+4 CHA +1 level + Cool

.

So the Passion of the Pig is unfolding on the street outside the Temple of the Dog!

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The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 15

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A total of 28... it looks like the Passion of the Pig is a success!

Yatagan, getting swept up in the outpouring of religious fervor he's helped whip up, declares today a feast day in honor of the "miracle pig from across the Aster".

"Henceforth today shall be known as Rasher Day!" shouts Yatagan. "Tonight, go forth and... " he pauses, momentarily at a loss for words. His stomach begins to rumble.

"... and eat bacon! Yes, bacon! She is the way of all pork, and all pork becomes her. Do not be afraid! Do this and take communion with her. Feast upon her crispy righteousness, for she offers it to you! Eat of her flesh and be... filled."

By the end of his "sermon" Yatagan is positively roaring. He then blinks, takes a deep breath, then for moment tries to recall why he's doing this again.

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John, since this entire affair would take a long while, is there any chance Artichoke and Penelope will notice the commotion on the way back?

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shilsen wrote:: John, since this entire affair would take a long while, is there any chance Artichoke and Penelope will notice the commotion on the way back?

At this point I'm not sure how the two of them could miss the Pig Parade.

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Mallus wrote:: At this point I'm not sure how the two of them could miss the Pig Parade.

Yeah, Artichoke just isn't that easy. Blissful ignorance is not his lot in life, no matter how much he may yearn for it.

Yatigan, with exquisite timing, speaks the last line of his sermon just as the cart arrives at the Temple of the Dog

The crowd burst into applause, with some actually throwing money now. Just coppers, but it's the principal of the thing, surely. Vendors, knowing a good thing when they hear it, have spontaneously manifest and begun selling pork products of dubious provenance, all of which are being eagerly snapped up by the crowd.

Two priests of the Dog stand in the doorway of their shabby-looking temple, watching the proceedings with a mixture of confusion and curiousity. "That's the biggest offering I've seen in years," one notes to the other, "And live, too. Oh, the Dog will be happy 'bout this one, for certain!"

I am, again, spending the morning doing errands --this time for work -- and won't have computer access until mid-afternoon at the earliest.

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Rolzup wrote:: Yeah, Artichoke just isn't that easy. Blissful ignorance is not his lot in life, no matter how much he may yearn for it.

Tell me about it! I think I have the justification for why he won't be around when I start DMing - he's going to need to take a holiday. Far, far away from the rest of the PCs.

Quote :: I am, again, spending the morning doing errands --this time for work -- and won't have computer access until mid-afternoon at the earliest.

Well, this sounds like a good place for us to pick up play today, so even if you don't add anything, I think we're at a good point. And since it seems the skill challenge has been achieved, it's time for a little PC-to-PC interaction...

* * * * *
As the strange cavalcade comes to a halt at the Temple of the Dog, two figures arrive hurriedly around a nearby corner. The one in the lead stares around, wheezing slightly, and then steps forward. After staring up at the wagon which Treasure sits on, Artichoke studies the ropes tied to Heyoka and Asarlai, and finally turns to Yatagan and Odanais. The supposed leader of the League seems to struggle for words for a few seconds, and finally settles for a plaintive, "Why?!"

Posts : 174 Join date : 2008-08-27

What the...

Penelope isn't any more happy than Artichoke about what's going on, though admittedly for different reasons. Hurriedly, she approaches the group.

Pointing her finger at Yatagan and Odanis, she exclaims with a scowl, "You brought Treasure - a PIG - to a GIANT DOG?" Her voice, a near yell, underlines her anger. "What do you think you're doing? Are you trying to feed Treasure to the damn thing?"

Spotting the priests, the archer decides to make it clear to them that Treasure is off limits. "And you guys," she yells, "don't you think for a moment this beautiful pig is for your overgrown, useless mutt."

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"Mr. Dare, would you be so kind as to speak with the temple guards and clear up their misunderstanding as to exactly what is being offered. I'll address Penelope."

Because I'm the one in the steel armor.

Yatagan flashes one of his widest crocodile smiles at the ranger as she approaches, careful to pace his considerable bulk between her, Odanais, and the poor, unsuspecting guards.

Penelope wrote:: "You brought Treasure - a PIG - to a GIANT DOG?"

"A slight correction Ms. Pindar. We are bringing a miracle pig from across the Aster Sea to a giant dog god. This is a religious matter, not one of livestock."

Quote :: "Are you trying to feed Treasure to the damn thing?"

"Good gods no!" shouts Yatagan, obviously frightened. His gaze darts across the gathered mob. "We seek to have Treasure blessed. And to ask the Dog's priests if they can shed any light onto her place of origin. It's not like we can ask the Captain or his crew after the unfortunate incident on the docks. It was Mr. Dare's keen insight that, lacking a pig god to inquire with, the Dog, also being four-legged and possessed of a tail, would be the next logical choice."

Quote :: "And you guys," she yells, "don't you think for a moment this beautiful pig is for your overgrown, useless mutt."

"Now, now, child, there's no need for blasphemy. We have everything under control."

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Artichoke shoots Penelope a look of alarm at the unexpected and uncharacteristic outburst of emotion from her. Note to self - never kick the cat! But luckily - at least for him - the target of her ire is someone else, so he turns back to Yatagan and Odanais.

Mallus wrote:: "Good gods no!" shouts Yatagan, obviously frightened. His gaze darts across the gathered mob. "We seek to have Treasure blessed. And to ask the Dog's priests if they can shed any light onto her place of origin. It's not like we can ask the Captain or his crew after the unfortunate incident on the docks. It was Mr. Dare's keen insight that, lacking a pig god to inquire with, the Dog, also being four-legged and possessed of a tail, would be the next logical choice."

Logical? Somehow I doubt these guys quite get what it means. Artichoke opens his mouth to remonstrate and then pauses, as a small smile makes its way across his face. They're not doing any harm yet, and we might learn something. And better them dealing with the pig than me. And with Penelope. Artichoke glances at the archer again and back at Yatagan, before saying crisply, "Since it seems Odanais and you have a plan, I won't get in the way. In fact, I'll come along and watch. Purely in an advisory capacity, of course, though I'll help where I can."

Quote :: "Now, now, child, there's no need for blasphemy. We have everything under control."

He called her 'child'? Artichoke's expression doesn't change, but he takes a quick step back and to the side, hopefully out of the way of random greatbow fire.

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Rolzup wrote:: Two priests of the Dog stand in the doorway of their shabby-looking temple, watching the proceedings with a mixture of confusion and curiousity. "That's the biggest offering I've seen in years," one notes to the other, "And live, too. Oh, the Dog will be happy 'bout this one, for certain!"

Odanais greets the priests and corrects their failed assumption with a rousing speech about the miracle pig Treasure, our mysterious visitor from across the sea and how we have brought her to be blessed, not eaten, by the great dog god. He makes sure that the crowd stays riveted as well as the priests and peppers the speech with as many details from the Dog's mythology and rituals as he can recall. He mentions their theory that she is an oracle and their hopes that their god can help them discover the truth.

"But of course," he says, unwrapping the fat cow liver he purchased earlier. "Treasure would not dream of visiting her divine cousin without a suitable offering."

Religion check: 16 + 10 = 26

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The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

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Penelope wrote:: Spotting the priests, the archer decides to make it clear to them that Treasure is off limits. "And you guys," she yells, "don't you think for a moment this beautiful pig is for your overgrown, useless mutt."

Beauty, eye, beholder, and so forth.

gridley wrote:: Odanais greets the priests and corrects their failed assumption with a rousing speech about the miracle pig Treasure, our mysterious visitor from across the sea and how we have brought her to be blessed, not eaten, by the great dog god. He makes sure that the crowd stays riveted as well as the priests and peppers the speech with as many details from the Dog's mythology and rituals as he can recall. He mentions their theory that she is an oracle and their hopes that their god can help them discover the truth.

The chief thing that Odanais recalls is that so far as anyone can tell the Dog is, in the end, a dog. No smarter than any other dog, and with all of the habits and instincts of any mundane canine. How He will react to meeting an enormous pig is...well, an interesting question, to be sure.

In all likelihood, it depends on how recently the Dog has eaten.

As to the priests, they hold no power at all. They clean and maintain the temple, make a meagre living selling various "relics", and pick up a few coins by telling stories of past miracles to pilgrims. They don't control the Dog in any way, and He rarely acknowledges their existence.

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In that case, on to the dog!

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Rolzup wrote:: Beauty, eye, beholder, and so forth.

Eh. Yeah. Maybe not so beautiful!

IC: Before responding to Yatagan, Penelope takes a few deep breaths. Speaking more calmly now, she says, "That isn't logical. At all." The archer pauses, trying to find the right words. Well, better, nicer words, since her idea of the right words would be rather unpleasant. "But whatever. Okay. Just know, if anything happens to Treasure, it's your ass on the line." She then points to Odanais. "And his, too. And... and, well, the priests. Them too."

Though she has certain doubts about the boar being a "miracle pig," she keeps them to herself, hoping that it's a wise course of action to not reveal their little show as a farce. I should've just stayed home with poor Treasure. She's not even ready to be around crowds...