Post-Pitir Progression

With Hans Pitir captured and Odanais' arch-nemesis, The Rat Who Would Not Die, finally disposed of, the adventurers proceed to check the rest of the lair.

There are only a few more unexplored chambers, and only one turns out to be of real interest. It is evidently Hans' room, complete with walk-in closet. The most valuable things within are a couple of small chests. They contain mostly silver and copper, but there are a few hundred gold coins worth of coins in there. Not as valuable as the magical items found on Hans, especially his magical rapier, but useful nonetheless.

Besides a few sets of fairly garish dwarf-sized clothing, there is little else of interest in the room save some notes kept by the would-be crime lord. They reveal that his gang was smaller than most people realized, consisting of himself and only five other dwarven wererats, three of whom the adventurers know are dead. There's no sign of the remaining two.

It seems that the threat of Handsome Hans Pitir to the Port, the Stagger and the Just-Us League is now over.


OOC: I'll post what you obtain at the Treasure and XP forum later.

And there is one (pardon me) burning question to answer - what are you doing with the now partly burned and heavily perforated limbless corpse of L, which is at the bottom of the pit with Odanais' aforementioned arch-nemesis?

Since L's already close to being ground meat due to the fireworks, we could bake him into a flatbread and serve him to worshipers as the Host of Treasure. Like a stromboli, but with dwarf flesh, and holy.

(Heyoka doesn't harvest L's testicles to sell as aphrodisiacs, out of respect for the dead. And they're probably burnt anyway; we had to stuff the explosives somewhere!)

"That would be wrong, Heyoka."

No one can recall the paladin ever saying that before. Yatagan continues, his initially stern tone giving way to his normal unearthly cheerfulness.

"It is enough to honor the dead by hurling them into battle. Which we did, in a manner of speaking. Plus, we used fireworks!"

"As it is written, El must now live on in our memories, not our stomachs... for he would live there only briefly, and pass again, thus doubling our loss." Not for the first time the League gets the impression Yatagan doesn't quote scripture so much as make it up on the spot.

"If you wish to take communion with him we can do so in effigy. We'll break stumpy bread in honor of him."

"Besides, everyone knows you eat fallen enemies, not friends."

OOC: That's just special!

So are you taking Stumpy (the PC formerly known as L) somewhere for a proper burial, or leaving what remains of him here? Vox, for the record, has ensured that his soul is properly taken care of.

And what are you doing with Pitir? Revive and dispose of him here? Take him back to the Hall? Something else?

"The only meal Treasure has so far refused to eat was El's corpse," says Odanais. "I think there is a lesson in that for all of us."

shilsen wrote:

And what are you doing with Pitir?

I'm picturing Yatagan doing that torture scene from Reservoir Dogs. Only with more lizard ejaculate.

Yatagan likes Heyoka's idea of blowing Pitir to bits during the climax of the play.

shilsen wrote:

So are you taking Stumpy (the PC formerly known as L) somewhere for a proper burial, or leaving what remains of him here?

Taking him with us for a proper church burial. He's going to be a saint, and it would be unseemly if the Church of Treasure were to lose his bones so soon after his death.

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Take him back to the Hall?

Let's take him back, stick him in a stout barrel full of silver pieces --with a few tiny air holes in it-- wrap it with heavy chains, put a weight on the lid for good measure until it's time for Pitir to make his explosive stage debut.

I'd like to commission the construction of a baroque machine to kill him with --and wouldn't that be a way to introduce Ed's character if he wanted to play a Warforged-- but alas, that wouldn't be a prudent use of church/theater company/party funds.

Mallus wrote:

He's going to be a saint, and it would be unseemly if the Church of Treasure were to lose his bones so soon after his death.

That's true. There's a huge profit to be made in relics nowadays, and it would be a shame to pass that by. We'll just have to wait a little while for the market in Treasure relics to ripen. We wouldn't want to sell our holy stocks prematurely.

Hmm. Once we blow up Pitir, Heyoka's going to take his bones too, to sell as El relics later.

OOC: I have no doubt that the Catholic Church started very much like this. "You see that asshole on the cross over there... I tell you, Thomas, I could convince the world he was the son of god if I wanted to...."

Mallus wrote:

Let's take him back, stick him in a stout barrel full of silver pieces --with a few tiny air holes in it-- wrap it with heavy chains, put a weight on the lid for good measure until it's time for Pitir to make his explosive stage debut.

Silver doesn't harm wererats just by its touch, BTW, though they're generally uncomfortable with it.

Quote :

I'd like to commission the construction of a baroque machine to kill him with --and wouldn't that be a way to introduce Ed's character if he wanted to play a Warforged-- but alas, that wouldn't be a prudent use of church/theater company/party funds.

Sadly not, but we will find a way, I'm sure.

And on with the game...

* * * * *
Having cleared out Pitir's lair, the adventurers triumphantly head back to the Hall of Justice, carrying the now significantly battered corpse of their erstwhile priest and the unconscious form of Hans Pitir.

When they are back at the Hall and in the process of securing their captive, Hans wakes up. The wererat quickly realizes his situation and glares around at his captors for a second, before spitting in their general direction. "Damn you to the Hells!" he swears. "What kind of lunatics are you? I've dealt with would-be heroes before but you ... you ... you're insane! Why couldn't you bastards just leave me alone?"

"Word of advice," Vox calls from his table, where's he's admiring the sword that he took from Hans, "Never play 'eye for an eye' with a pack of psychopaths. Never ends well.

"No offense," he adds, making a series of quick thrusts at some non-existant foe, "You're all a charming bunch of lunatics, no question."

Rolzup wrote:

"Word of advice," Vox calls from his table, where's he's admiring the sword that he took from Hans, "Never play 'eye for an eye' with a pack of psychopaths. Never ends well."

"Eye for an eye?" Hans almost chokes with a combination of fury and confusion. "We just tried to mug you people! You cut Heidi's arms and legs off and threw her through a window and killed her!"

shilsen wrote:

"We just tried to mug you people!

"Actually, first you tried to extort money from us. Then you flooded our home with vermin. Later, your accomplices attacked us on the street and almost killed me --was that the mugging you speak of? After that you assassinated our priest."

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You cut Heidi's arms and legs off..."

"To teach her a lesson."

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...and threw her through a window and killed her!"

"That was an accident. I overestimated how supernaturally durable your kind is. I'm sorry."

"Out of curiosity, do you repent?"

Mallus wrote:

"Actually, first you tried to extort money from us. Then you flooded our home with vermin. Later, your accomplices attacked us on the street and almost killed me --was that the mugging you speak of? After that you assassinated our priest."

"What priest? I don't know any fucking priest! After you killed Heidi and poisoned my rats it was over! I couldn't ... wasn't going to do anything! What did you bastards want - an apology letter?!" Hans is beginning to turn apoplectic with rage and frustration.

Quote :

"To teach her a lesson."

...

"That was an accident. I overestimated how supernaturally durable your kind is. I'm sorry."

"Out of curiosity, do you repent?"

Hans' eyes almost bulge out of his head. "Repent? You are fucking insane! Just kill me now, you sick bastards!"

shilsen wrote:

"What priest? I don't know any fucking priest! After you killed Heidi and poisoned my rats it was over!

Yatagan stares at the barrel. A flicker of an inscrutable reptilian emotion crosses his face. "Hmmm...."

OOC: Insight to tell if he's fibbing: 11 - as I thought, Yatagan doesn't really care...

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"Repent?

"You are still a thief and attempted murderer" says Yatagan reasonably.

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 2

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan stares at the barrel. A flicker of an inscrutable reptilian emotion crosses his face. "Hmmm...."

OOC: Insight to tell if he's fibbing: 11 - as I thought, Yatagan doesn't really care...

As far as Yatagan can tell, Pitir's not lying. Nobody else in the group can detect any falsehood either. The wererat seems a little too pissed off and seemingly resigned to being killed to bother to lie.

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"You are still a thief and attempted murderer" says Yatagan reasonably.

"You people are all murderers too!" yells Pitir. "I know what you do to anyone you capture!" He gives an involuntary shudder and there's a hint of pleading in his tone as he continues. "Just kill me. Okay?"

shilsen wrote:

"You people are all murderers too!" yells Pitir.

"Had you not tried to make us victims of your crimes, you would be free and Heidi still alive. And while we're on that subject you seem unable to drop, it's not our fault that her body proved to be as weak as her character."

A note of irritation is creeping into the Dragonborn's voice.

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"Just kill me. Okay?"

"Hold that thought". Yatagan turns to his comrades. "League meeting upstairs."

Once out of earshot he says "My desire for dramatic and... complicated vengeance has subsided. What do you want to do with him?"

"I suppose we have to find out who really killed El? I really don't fancy another trip to the Other Side so soon."

Mallus wrote:

"I suppose we have to find out who really killed El? I really don't fancy another trip to the Other Side so soon."

"Well," says Odanais. "If Hans didn't kill El, he damn well better have a good idea who did. I'll ask him."

Odanais heads back downstairs alone and takes a seat opposite the wererat.

"Look, old boy, you say you didn't kill our friend El, however, since he was murdered in the same singular manner as your friend Heide, it was obviously retaliation. So, who would have done that? Someone in your gang perhaps? Someone who felt more strongly about Heide than you you did? Illuminate me and I'll guarantee you, at the very least, a swift death. Possibly more."

Odanais leans back and waits, sipping a snifter of brandy.

[Insight 6+10=16]

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 6

gridley wrote:

Odanais heads back downstairs alone and takes a seat opposite the wererat.

"Look, old boy, you say you didn't kill our friend El, however, since he was murdered in the same singular manner as your friend Heide, it was obviously retaliation. So, who would have done that? Someone in your gang perhaps? Someone who felt more strongly about Heide than you you did? Illuminate me and I'll guarantee you, at the very least, a swift death. Possibly more."

Odanais leans back and waits, sipping a snifter of brandy.

Pitir glares daggers at Odanais for a moment, and then growls reluctantly, "The only one who had a thing for Heidi was Adel, her husband. He was so freaked out at her death that the bastard attacked me and I had to kill him. The only other person in my gang was Krup, who fled after that, so there was nobody to retaliate against you. And I didn't. I swear!"

He frowns and spits. "Maybe someone just wanted to make it look like I did so you moro... so you would kill me. Taking me out is going to make some people happy. Like the Deacon. That bastard may think he owns the Stagger, but he never took my territory from me. I'm Handsome Hans Pitir - the Terror of the Stagger!"

After a pause, Hans deflates slightly, since it's hard to sound menacing when you're tied hand and foot and have just had the snot beaten out of you. "That's it. I'm not lying. Now just kill me. You promised."

OOC: The Deacon of Crook Street is the crime boss who controls the Stagger.

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[Insight 6+10=16]

He seems to be telling the truth.

Yatagan follows Odanais downstairs, keeping silent as Odanais continues the questioning.

shilsen wrote:

Like the Deacon. That bastard may think he owns the Stagger, but he never took my territory from me.

"The Deacon?!" blurts out Yatagan. "They say he has a god stashed away in his basement. We must tread carefully here before this street fight escalates to metaphysical proportions."

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I'm Handsome Hans Pitir - the Terror of the Stagger!"

"And we are the Elders of the Church of Treasure! And, well, the Miracle Pig Theater Company. Aren't titles illuminating?"

"I might have a way of diving the truth about L's death," Vox suggests. "Will require a bit of cash, but it's a sound investment...."

He shakes his head. "Now, for Dog's sake, send the rat to his reward. Vengeance is one thing, pointless cruelty is quite another."

He kneels down next to Hans. "When you get to the Other Side, seek out John Sideways. You and he might be of use to one another. Just be careful with the stuff that he brews."

Vox produces a knife from nowhere readily apparent and looks questioningly at Yatigan. "Well?"

Mallus wrote:

"The Deacon?!" blurts out Yatagan. "They say he has a god stashed away in his basement. We must tread carefully here before this street fight escalates to metaphysical proportions."

"He's got a god, you've got a god, everyone's got a fucking god nowadays!" grumbles Hans.

Rolzup wrote:

"I might have a way of diving the truth about L's death," Vox suggests. "Will require a bit of cash, but it's a sound investment...."

He shakes his head. "Now, for Dog's sake, send the rat to his reward. Vengeance is one thing, pointless cruelty is quite another."

He kneels down next to Hans. "When you get to the Other Side, seek out John Sideways. You and he might be of use to one another. Just be careful with the stuff that he brews."

Vox produces a knife from nowhere readily apparent and looks questioningly at Yatigan. "Well?"

Hans instinctively pulls back in his bonds as Vox kneels near him, but then sets his jaw and closes his eyes. "Make it quick," he mutters.