The Return of the Unforgiven

The battle comes to a speedy end after the fall of the kuo-toan leader with the insane mumblings and the demise of the giant kuo-toan, which is easily beaten down once Pogsley singlehandedly took it off its feet. The remaining kuo-toans, which had been fighting members of the crew and other travelers on the poop deck and atop the forecastle leap overboard and disappear into the depths of the Aster.

With no further danger to be seen, now-Captain Cuulus yells directions to the sailors, while dabbing away blood from a shallow cut on his forehead. Anefsina, who had been handily fighting off a quartet of the invaders with Z'roa and her cat, walks over to the railing and looks overboard. Fagin's new bride flashes him and the others a smile and disappears below-decks without a word, presumably to get out of the fake beard and old-man-costume she's still wearing. Jackson Moloch picks pieces of kuo-toa off his horns, pulls out a notebook and wanders around, studying the splatter patterns on the deck.

The adventurers hear a slow clapping behind them and now see Mister Magnacelsus advancing in their direction, a thin smile on his lips. "Bravo!" the flesh golem says in his usual cultured tones, "That was quite magnificent! Overwhelming the enemy with an utterly convincing display of complete lack of coordination or tactics? A brilliant strategy!"

Magnacelsus glances past the group as he advances and then makes a little gesture with his left hand. Immediately, two of his zombie servitors, which had been (re)slain by the kuo-toans and were lying nearby, fall apart into fine ashes, which blow out over the Aster. Not giving them a second glance, Magnacelsus steps over to the huge kuo-toa. After a moment of study, he steps forward and leans down. A quick motion causes a small knife to appear in his hand and he begins to carve something into the corpse's forehead. He is done in a couple of seconds and the blade, which Vox recognizes as the one he used to cut off a segment of Kamapua's divine ear (though not his physical one), glows for a moment as silver runes appear on its surface. Then it disappears from sight, disappearing into Magnacelsus' sleeve.

The flesh golem straightens and mutters something inaudible, before making another small gesture, which causes a little puff of black smoke to emanate from the mark he just made. The huge kuo-toa shudders and then slowly sits up, before awkwardly clambering to its feet. As some of the others on deck react with alarm, Mister Magnacelsus smiles beatifically and says, "Please do not be alarmed. It is utterly under my control." At a gesture, the newly-created zombie shambles over to the stern and then sits down, taking up as little space as its huge form can.

Magnacelsus nods, as if to himself, and then turns to smile at the adventurers. “Thank you so much,” he tells them. “Good help is so difficult to find nowadays. If you want something done right, you have to ... personally find someone who can, and then kill and raise them as a servant to do it.” He smiles again and then walks by, evidently heading down below too.

Thrusty Robert, who had beaten two kuo-toans to death with his wooden fists, strolls over as Mister Magnacelsus is departing. Though the marionette cannot quite crack an expression with its wooden face, its mouth gapes a little wider than usual and its tone is significantly more excited--and less urbane--than Magnacelsus'. "Hah! That was fun! And you people are great! I'd heard that you were all wonderful rapists and now I see that's true!" Thrusty Robert looks down at Pogsley and emits a chuckle. "The way you raped that big monster was amazing! We should totally get together and rape something!" He pats the goblin on the back, causing Pogsley to slide a couple of feet across the deck.

shilsen wrote:

The battle comes to a speedy end after the fall of the kuo-toan leader with the insane mumblings and the demise of the giant kuo-toan, which is easily beaten down once Pogsley singlehandedly took it off its feet.

"Pogsley!"

shilsen wrote:

The adventurers hear a slow clapping behind them and now see Mister Magnacelsus advancing in their direction, a thin smile on his lips. "Bravo!" the flesh golem says in his usual cultured tones, "That was quite magnificent! Overwhelming the enemy with an utterly convincing display of complete lack of coordination or tactics? A brilliant strategy!"

ooc: hehe.... gotta love the slow clap...

shilsen wrote:

Thrusty Robert looks down at Pogsley and emits a chuckle. "The way you raped that big monster was amazing! We should totally get together and rape something!" He pats the goblin on the back, causing Pogsley to slide a couple of feet across the deck.

"Bougie puppet..." says Pogsley.

shilsen wrote:

At a gesture, the newly-created zombie shambles over to the stern and then sits down, taking up as little space as its huge form can.

Feeling cheated out of his mouth flowers, Pogsley walks over to the oversized zombie sea goblin, sits down in front of it and growls.

Vox glares at Magnacelsus' back, while Dexter extends a single digit in the golem's direction. "Never trust a man who takes that much pleasure in his job," he advises the others.

"I could question the leader, but I suspect that it's more chancy than it's worth -- never a good idea, interrogating something that uses its voice as a weapon. Let's hope that this was merely bad luck."

shilsen wrote:

Thrusty Robert looks down at Pogsley and emits a chuckle. "The way you raped that big monster was amazing! We should totally get together and rape something!" He pats the goblin on the back, causing Pogsley to slide a couple of feet across the deck.

"Oh, the port will *love* you. And vice-versa, I'm sure."

shilsen wrote:

“Good help is so difficult to find nowadays. If you want something done right, you have to ... personally find someone who can, and then kill and raise them as a servant to do it.”

"Thanks for the advice, but we prefer to swell our flock by converting former enemies, using the gifts of life, love and the finest pork buns this side of paradise" says Yatagan with a mixture of sweetness and tartness that would work well in a pie.

gridley wrote:

"Pogsley!"

"You are truly the hero of the revolution, comrade-general!"

Rozlup wrote:

"Oh, the port will *love* you. And vice-versa, I'm sure."

"Ere we make landfall Mr. Cadaveris, I shall attempt to teach it manners. Barring that, euphemisms. If that fails, I'll make the little blighter into a nightstand."

Yatagan calls a meeting of the Elders of Swinon in the evening. "We should consider sneaking into the Port ahead of the Unforgiven. Whoever has jacked our Porcophant may be watching the docks."

Mallus wrote:

"Thanks for the advice, but we prefer to swell our flock by converting former enemies, using the gifts of life, love and the finest pork buns this side of paradise" says Yatagan with a mixture of sweetness and tartness that would work well in a pie.

Magnacelsus smiles back, the slightly mismatched eyes in his head (the left upper half belonging to a former shadar-kai and the right portion evidently composed of tiefling flesh) twinkling, and says, with saccharine sweetness, "So I've heard. And now that you have Kamapua, you truly do have the ingredients for the most divine pork buns." He winks and turns to walk away.

Vox wrote:

"I could question the leader, but I suspect that it's more chancy than it's worth -- never a good idea, interrogating something that uses its voice as a weapon. Let's hope that this was merely bad luck."

Cuulus, once he has the ship fully under control and the crew at work clearing up the mess on the decks, walks over to thank all of you. Hearing Vox's comment, he says, "It probably was. The kuo-toans attack shipping intermittently and are one of the many reasons sailing on the Aster is a bit of a fool's job. We avoided this area on the way to the Infernal Isles due to the Storm, but now that it's gone, I thought we'd take the quickest way back." He sighs and says, "This sort of thing never happened when Videka was in charge. On the bright side, at least Dagon hasn't tried to eat us. Yet." Frowning at the thought, he heads back towards the helm.

gridley wrote:

Feeling cheated out of his mouth flowers, Pogsley walks over to the oversized zombie sea goblin, sits down in front of it and growls.

The giant zombie stares blankly forward for a few seconds, before abruptly cowering back from the comparatively diminutive goblin's growls. Those paying attention to him see Magnacelsus, at the door leading down to the cabins, making a small gesture with his hand. He chuckles and then disappears down the stairs.

The ambassador to the Port doesn't reappear after the attack, though his zombies (excluding the large one, which spends its time sitting near the stern) seem to be present on deck regularly and do participate mechanically in the cleaning up. They are also often present where the adventurers are, either simply standing around, marching back and forth in odd patterns or carrying out the same, synchronized repetitive movements. They seem to do the latter even more when Vox is around.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan calls a meeting of the Elders of Swinon in the evening. "We should consider sneaking into the Port ahead of the Unforgiven. Whoever has jacked our Porcophant may be watching the docks."

With incredibly good (or bad) timing, just as Yatagan is addressing the others in the Swynod of Porkus, he feels a tickling in the back of his skull. Which swiftly resolves itself into a easily recognizable voice. "Yatagan? Artichoke here. Situation complicated in Port. Many things to do when you return." There's a faint pause and then the voice continues, "But don't worry. Everyone's fine. Your status, please. Twenty-five words."

The voice goes silent, but something tells Yatagan that he can send a mental message in return, restricted to the length Artichoke mentioned.


OOC: Yatagan probably doesn't have the Arcana to recognize it, but Vox could ID it as a Sending. And in case you're wondering about time, with a good wind you might actually make it to the Port in 2 more days, though 3 is more likely.

Yatagan furrows his scaled brow and concentrates.

We're fine. The Hells were much nicer than expected. Hot, though. Concerned about Porcophant. Is he well? Also, we have a new pig."

"Captain Artichoke sends his regards. He says things are 'complicated' back home, but fine. Mr. Cadaveris. can you sense Paetros's mind yet?"

Mallus wrote:

"Captain Artichoke sends his regards. He says things are 'complicated' back home, but fine. Mr. Cadaveris. can you sense Paetros's mind yet?"

Vox still doesn't sense Paetros.

It takes a good fifteen minutes before Yatagan again hears Artichoke in his head. This time, the latter says, "Paetros is unconscious, but stable. Will need you all to revive him." There's another faint pause and the mental equivalent of a sigh. "He told us about new pig deity before unconsciousness occurred. Can hardly wait."

The voice ends, Yatagan again realizing that he can respond if he wants.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan calls a meeting of the Elders of Swinon in the evening. "We should consider sneaking into the Port ahead of the Unforgiven. Whoever has jacked our Porcophant may be watching the docks."

"A wise idea," an obviously surprised Vox replies, "But how? My own magicks can't transport us, more's the pity. I can, however, send a message in the same way that Artichoke is managing -- perhaps Odanias could conjure something and send it to fetch us?"

He shakes his head. "I do need to make some investigations into Portal magick -- handy stuff, that."

Rolzup wrote:

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan calls a meeting of the Elders of Swinon in the evening. "We should consider sneaking into the Port ahead of the Unforgiven. Whoever has jacked our Porcophant may be watching the docks."

"A wise idea," an obviously surprised Vox replies, "But how? My own magicks can't transport us, more's the pity. I can, however, send a message in the same way that Artichoke is managing -- perhaps Odanias could conjure something and send it to fetch us?"

He shakes his head. "I do need to make some investigations into Portal magick -- handy stuff, that."

ooc: The Odanais currently in the port is, alas, too stupid to pull off a decent ritual. However....

"Pogsley know some goblins who do dynamite fishing near the Breakers," says Pogsley, fastening his gaze on Zebulon Morrow's spyglass. "Maybe if Poglsey borrow skinny human's eye cannon, Pogsley find them when we get near the Port and they give us ride?"

Mallus wrote:

What happened to Paetros? Was it the Eladrin? Bougie Eladrin! Sorry, been listening to Pogsley. Why can't you revive the Porcophant with magic shouting?"

Again, it takes at least a quarter of an hour before Artichoke responds. The message this time is: "Paetros cursed by eladrin. Must recover certain things to reverse curse. Need you all here to obtain them. Talk again tomorrow. Out of components now."

The voice fades away, leaving Yatagan once more with the option of a 25 word reply.

gridley wrote:

"Pogsley know some goblins who do dynamite fishing near the Breakers," says Pogsley, fastening his gaze on Zebulon Morrow's spyglass. "Maybe if Poglsey borrow skinny human's eye cannon, Pogsley find them when we get near the Port and they give us ride?"

"Excellent suggestion, comrade-general Pogsley! I'm sure the locals try very hard to ignore your goblin friends and the cacophonous racket produced by their fishing. I shall ask to borrow Morrow's eye-canon, ahem, spyglass, at once!"

Mallus wrote:

"Excellent suggestion, comrade-general Pogsley! I'm sure the locals try very hard to ignore your goblin friends and the cacophonous racket produced by their fishing. I shall ask to borrow Morrow's eye-canon, ahem, spyglass, at once!"

"I suppose," says a reluctant Vox. "I was hoping that we could manage to leave without Magnacelsus knowing, but that's too much to ask. But what are we to do with Kamapua? It seems unwise to leave the swine unattended, but fitting him into a small craft without capsizing it? Unlikely, I fear."

OOC: Feel free to keep discussing what you're planning to do, while I move things on to the next day.

IC: The evening and night passes without any further incident and the next morning Captain Cuulus announces that the Unforgiven is making very good time. Unless something unexpected occurs, you should reach the Port sometime after noon the next day.

Zebulon Morrow, when asked about his eyeglass, looks a little confused but says, "Certainly. Is there anything, um, specific you're looking for?"

If informed about the goblin fishermen, the navigator nods. "Ah - I see. We do sometimes see them on the way into and out of the Port ... well, mostly hear them, since they like to fish at night. I hear it's because they say the explosions look prettier in the dark." He shrugs and concludes, "We'll probably pass the Breakers sometime during the night, so I don't know whether the spyglass will help, but you can look for them around dusk or dawn. And if we spot or hear them, I can call you too."

His expression says that he's a little curious precisely why the group wants to find the goblin fishermen, but he doesn't ask.

Artichoke makes a reappearance, or at least his voice does, shortly after dawn. From the words and the tone, Captain has kept Yatagan's parting words very much in mind. "No cannons! You guys are in trouble! Or were. I fixed it. But need some subtlety. Will send Roxy to docks with instructions for you."

Rolzup wrote:

Mallus wrote:

"Excellent suggestion, comrade-general Pogsley! I'm sure the locals try very hard to ignore your goblin friends and the cacophonous racket produced by their fishing. I shall ask to borrow Morrow's eye-canon, ahem, spyglass, at once!"

"I suppose," says a reluctant Vox. "I was hoping that we could manage to leave without Magnacelsus knowing, but that's too much to ask. But what are we to do with Kamapua? It seems unwise to leave the swine unattended, but fitting him into a small craft without capsizing it? Unlikely, I fear."

"That no problem," says Pogsley. "Everyone in Goblintown know Treasure can walk on water. Kamapua probably can too!"

gridley wrote:

"That no problem," says Pogsley. "Everyone in Goblintown know Treasure can walk on water. Kamapua probably can to!"

OOC:

IC: Once Vox mentions it, the others realize that getting Kamapua's huge bulk onto the sort of craft that the goblin fishermen likely use would be essentially impossible. Assuming the pig-god even agreed to go along with it. With growing familiarity, it is evident that Kamapua takes his position and dignity quite seriously and is fairly stubborn on certain matters. He's already thought of and suggested certain additions or changes to the Gospel of the Pig, ranging from the casting of Treasure as a herald ("And lo, there came a snout rooting in the wilderness in advance of His advent...") to the creation of some arbitrary strictures and rituals. He has even mooted the possibility of banning the eating of pork.

shilsen wrote:

Zebulon Morrow, when asked about his eyeglass, looks a little confused but says, "Certainly. Is there anything, um, specific you're looking for?"

If informed about the goblin fishermen, the navigator nods. "Ah - I see. We do sometimes see them on the way into and out of the Port ... well, mostly hear them, since they like to fish at night. I hear it's because they say the explosions look prettier in the dark." He shrugs and concludes, "We'll probably pass the Breakers sometime during the night, so I don't know whether the spyglass will help, but you can look for them around dusk or dawn. And if we spot or hear them, I can call you too."

"Yeah, ok, that fine," says Pogsley, pocketing the eye cannon for later. "If you hear any explosions, you yell to Pogsley the secret word, which is 'EXPLOSIONS!' and only Pogsley will know what you talking about cause we don't trust the man who is all sewed up parts of different people."

shilsen wrote:

IC: Once Vox mentions it, the others realize that getting Kamapua's huge bulk onto the sort of craft that the goblin fishermen likely use would be essentially impossible.

OOC: is the Unforgiven's launch big enough for Kamapua?

Quote :

He has even mooted the possibility of banning the eating of pork.

Yatagan will respectfully try to dissuade Kamapua from this stricture. He'll point out the power of the metaphoric consumption of a god's flesh as a means of communion, the way it creates community via positive, pleasant association, how it simultaneously demonstrates the god's generosity, and power --for his flesh is continually consumed yet never diminished-- and the overall effectiveness of hot, delicious pork buns as a conversion tool among the theological unsophisticated Port residents.

If Kamapua can't be transported in a dignified enough fashion, Yatagan suggests sending a small group into the Port ahead of the ship anyway... to see if the harbor's being watched, and/or to chat up Artichoke or Roxy in more than short, staccato bursts.

"Subtlety...I remember subtlety." Vox sighs, a bit wistfully. "I remember when the world almost made sense, too. Alas, I fear those days are gone forever."

Fashioning a toothpick from a stray piece of shadow, he begins to chew on it contemplatively. "Should we mention the coming religious schism to Artichoke? It's going to end with someone nailing a rasher of bacon to our door, I just know it. No," Vox interrupts himself, "Let him remain blissfully ignorant, for a little longer at least."

He smiles the happy smile of a man contemplating something that is decidedly Someone Elses's Problem. "Besides, I want to see the look on his face.

"In the meantime, let's be ready to move, as quickly as possible. Pack your things, have them ready to go. Who's going to remain here as an honor guard?" From his tone, Vox is clearly not counting himself among this august number.

Rolzup wrote:

"Who's going to remain here as an honor guard?" From his tone, Vox is clearly not counting himself among this august number."

"I shall stay. Whatever capacity for stealth I had was contained in my old armor. How I will miss slipping into a flame-chased terrycloth robe at a moment's notice!"

gridley wrote:

"Yeah, ok, that fine," says Pogsley, pocketing the eye cannon for later. "If you hear any explosions, you yell to Pogsley the secret word, which is 'EXPLOSIONS!' and only Pogsley will know what you talking about cause we don't trust the man who is all sewed up parts of different people."

OOC: Pogsley should totally be in charge of the secret service after the revolution happens.

Mallus wrote:

OOC: is the Unforgiven's launch big enough for Kamapua?

Nope. He's a big piggie!

Quote :

Yatagan will respectfully try to dissuade Kamapua from this stricture. He'll point out the power of the metaphoric consumption of a god's flesh as a means of communion, the way it creates community via positive, pleasant association, how it simultaneously demonstrates the god's generosity, and power --for his flesh is continually consumed yet never diminished-- and the overall effectiveness of hot, delicious pork buns as a conversion tool among the theological unsophisticated Port residents.

Kamapua gives Yatagan a particularly dirty look and grunts loudly, "You're talking about people metaphorically eating me! EATING!" As the Swynod's latest divine acquisition gets more excited, his tones and diction deviate drastically from the lofty image that he usually attempts to project. Evidently, when stressed Kamapua lapses into (for lack of a better term) pig-Common. "Have you totally forgotten what almost happened to me in the bloody Hells? I was almost fucking cooked and eaten! And you want me to put that in as part of my fucking gospel? Gah!"

The boar waves a trotter dramatically and says, "Oh, Kamapua - how far you have fallen a...." He stops, gives another dirty look to anyone looking askance at him and says, "What? I said you can't take my name in vain! I can take my name in vain. Any bloody time I want!"

After a significant amount of grumbling, Kamapua eventually agrees to consider the proposition, but that's as far as he is willing to go right now. Clearly, a talking pig-god is much more trouble (even if it is apparently also more divine) than a silent sow-goddess like Treasure.

Quote :

If Kamapua can't be transported in a dignified enough fashion, Yatagan suggests sending a small group into the Port ahead of the ship anyway... to see if the harbor's being watched, and/or to chat up Artichoke or Roxy in more than short, staccato bursts.

When this is mentioned to Cuulus, he says that he'd be happy to stop outside the Port and send a small group of you ahead in the ship's boat. They always do an inspection before landing, and they can do it then. In view of all that you've done so far, especially to help Videka, he's quite happy to help however he can.

Quote :

Thanks and understood: no cannons. Can't believe I forgot to ask - how is my egg doing?

As usual, there's a 15-minute gap between replies. Eventually, Artichoke sends, "Good. Egg is fine, I think. Your friend visits to sit on it periodically. Almost forgot too - Roxy taking transport for you with her tomorrow."

Rolzup wrote:

"Subtlety...I remember subtlety." Vox sighs, a bit wistfully. "I remember when the world almost made sense, too. Alas, I fear those days are gone forever."

Sometimes I think we only imagined such a time.

Quote :

Fashioning a toothpick from a stray piece of shadow, he begins to chew on it contemplatively. "Should we mention the coming religious schism to Artichoke? It's going to end with someone nailing a rasher of bacon to our door, I just know it. No," Vox interrupts himself, "Let him remain blissfully ignorant, for a little longer at least."

He smiles the happy smile of a man contemplating something that is decidedly Someone Elses's Problem. "Besides, I want to see the look on his face.

OOC: Bastards

Quote :

"In the meantime, let's be ready to move, as quickly as possible. Pack your things, have them ready to go. Who's going to remain here as an honor guard?" From his tone, Vox is clearly not counting himself among this august number.

Mallus wrote:

"I shall stay. Whatever capacity for stealth I had was contained in my old armor. How I will miss slipping into a flame-chased terrycloth robe at a moment's notice!"

So is the current plan to have the others row in to the docks and meet Roxy, while Yatagan waits with Kamapua?

shilsen wrote:

OOC: Pogsley should totally be in charge of the secret service after the revolution happens.

OOC: Absolutely.

Quote :

I was almost fucking cooked and eaten! And you want me to put that in as part of my fucking gospel? Gah!"

"Yes" says Yatagan reverently. "It shows you do not fear. You are larger than fear. Your darkest hour is transformed into a celebration. Many faiths commemorate their deities suffering; getting eaten by an eagle, getting nailed to a post. Triumph over dire situations like these become symbols your trans-mortal nature. Symbols of hope. Trust me, it's theological classic.

Much like 'my wife is so fat' jokes to a comedian. Which, in truth, I never understood. Is not a fat wife full of eggs? Surely this is a desirable quality in a mate."

Quote :

"What? I said you can't take my name in vain! I can take my name in vain. Any bloody time I want!"

"Are you speaking to another Aspect of your divine self?" asks Yatagan, somewhat confused.

Quote :

So is the current plan to have the others row in to the docks and meet Roxy, while Yatagan waits with Kamapua?

OOC: unless people want to talk him into sticking together. Also, he didn't intend to guard Kamapua alone.