Battle in the Bedroom Hallway of the Gods!

The crew successfully dug their way from an abandoned candy shop into the basement of the Eladrin temple and made their way stealthily up to third floor where the gods were being kept, only to find Parson Dharesh Parcel-Whim waiting for them with three villainous gnomes and... ummm.... Barbara. With the help of Pogsley and the cat, they successfully dispatched Barbara and the gnomes, although Parcel Dharesh was able to fey step away and bolt down the stairs.

What now?

Yatagan is reluctant to disturb the god resting in the metal-shod reliquary where his nethers should be. But the need is great. The Dragonborn removes the Codpiece God.

"Oh God, who art cunningly small and hidden in my trousers, aid us in our time of thievery. Lay a curse upon the mute parson. Confound his senses! Make shaky his spindly legs! Let him take a fortunate fall down the stairs so we might set upon him like jackals of justice! Help us cover our crimes of righteousness. Please! If it's not too much trouble."

OOC: Diplomacy to ask for the crotch god's help nicely: 25. If anyone can add their prayers, err, Aid Another, it couldn't hurt.

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 10

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan is reluctant to disturb the god resting in the metal-shod reliquary where his nethers should be. But the need is great. The Dragonborn removes the Codpiece God.

"Oh God, who art cunningly small and hidden in my trousers, aid us in our time of thievery. Lay a curse upon the mute parson. Confound his senses! Make shaky his spindly legs! Let him take a fortunate fall down the stairs so we might set upon him like jackals of justice! Help us cover our crimes of righteousness. Please! If it's not too much trouble."

OOC: Diplomacy to ask for the crotch god's help nicely: 25. If anyone can add their prayers, err, Aid Another, it couldn't hurt.

Yatagan thinks he feels some tingling in his crotch, but there's no obvious result.

gridley wrote:

Yatagan thinks he feels some tingling in his crotch, but there's no obvious result.

OOC: does the box god feel any heavier? The previous times it answered our prayers, it has.

Mallus wrote:

gridley wrote:

Yatagan thinks he feels some tingling in his crotch, but there's no obvious result.

OOC: does the box god feel any heavier? The previous times it answered our prayers, it has.

Yatagan is not confident that it feels heavier.

Faintly, as if from a great distance, the sound of porcine squealing can be heard. With a hideously organic ripping sound, the very fabric of space and time rends apart, and the Porcophant falls screaming from a transitory hole in the ceiling.

His impact with the floor is loud, and painful to both the ears and the eyes of those watching.

Pætros starts to lever himself to his feat when the ceiling opens again and the spirit pig plummets gracefully to earth, impacting upon the small of Pætros' back. He falls again, literally blistering the wooden floor with his curses.

No bothering to get up again, the Porcophant flops over onto his back, the ping leaping nimbly away before it is crushed. "Am here," he announces weakly. "Am not knowing where here is, or why is being here, but am here. Am also hating all of you, and Glorious Treasure of Heavens will be hating you too."

He sits up, slowly, casting wary glances towards the ceiling as he does. "Am to assume that simple mission has been thoroughly fornicated, yes? As is being expected." Pætros shaeks his head sadly. "Please to being explaining, without delayings."

Pætros listens, tapping his fingers impatiently, to the tale. "Is philosophy among my peoples," he begins, "Is being called Biggest Lie. Is bigger than truth, is more happier than truth, is being more INTERESTING than truth. Is lie so very big that is being no way that it cannot be truth, for who will be tellings such big lie? Who is so crazy?

"So!" he claps his hands. "Is to be blaming Parson for whole thing, and us is being ones who is saving day. You is being good liar, Dragon-Pervert, yes? And possibility immanent and painful death is for being excellent muse, more yes?"

Rolzup wrote:

You is being good liar, Dragon-Pervert, yes?"

"I am being more of a... ahem, I'm more of an inspirational speaker and peacemaker, your Holiness. Brother Fagin has the gift of speaking in forked tongues. But I fear we need deeds now, not words."

A plan forms in the vast dragon's cavern of Yatagan's skull.

"First we get the golden goddess!" he exclaims happily. Delight screws up his chubby gator's face. "Then we hunt down the Eladrin parsons and have her turn them into goblins! Surely the Eladrin can do naught but love such a blessing bestowed by their goddess! The Eladrin will learn a valuable lesson in humility and the goblins shall see foe transformed into friend! Thus united by ties of blood, small stature, and general freakish deformity they shall have no further cause for conflict. It's a win-win scenario."

Yatagan moves towards the door to Kommeral's chamber, then hesitates.

"But first, my egg."

OOC: which door does the key open?

Rolzup wrote:

Pætros listens, tapping his fingers impatiently, to the tale. "Is philosophy among my peoples," he begins, "Is being called Biggest Lie. Is bigger than truth, is more happier than truth, is being more INTERESTING than truth. Is lie so very big that is being no way that it cannot be truth, for who will be tellings such big lie? Who is so crazy?

Hahaha....

Mallus wrote:

"But first, my egg."

OOC: which door does the key open?

The cat stole the egg door key.

gridley wrote:

The cat stole the egg door key.

Raising a monkey-brained doll like a shield, Yatagan walks to the egg chamber door, unlocks it, and proceeds in to steal his destiny.

Mallus wrote:

gridley wrote:

The cat stole the egg door key.

Raising a monkey-brained doll like a shield, Yatagan walks to the egg chamber door, unlocks it, and proceeds in to steal his destiny.

A few more monkey puppets have scattered across the this hallway, attaching themselves to doors.

Yatagan turns the key in the lock and the door springs open, revealing the egg god the Eladrin call Lord Grilip: large, roundish, mottled in shades of green and gray, and sitting upon a curving mahogany pedestal.

As he approaches the egg, the crotch god grows heavy in Yatagan's cod piece and Yatagan sees again the vision of a infant version of himself, trapped inside the egg, this time reaching out its arms and smiling.

As the vision begins to fade, there is a disturbance in the wall to his right as wood paneling and brick dissolve into sea water in the shape of Lady Kommeral who walks through the opening, sees Yatagan with the egg and smiles.

gridley wrote:

Yatagan turns the key in the lock and the door springs open, revealing the egg god the Eladrin call Lord Grilip: large, roundish, mottled in shades of green and gray, and sitting upon a curving mahogany pedestal.

As he approaches the egg, the crotch god grows heavy in Yatagan's cod piece and Yatagan sees again the vision of a infant version of himself, trapped inside the egg, this time reaching out its arms and smiling.

"Oh brave new egg!" cries Yatagan "That has such unborn versions of my ascendant self in it! Mr. Fagin, would you be so good as to stow my sacred egg in your magic box? And gently, gently, if you please. It contains the future".

Quote :

...Lady Kommeral who walks through the opening, sees Yatagan with the egg and smiles.

Yatagan awkwardly, thanks to his armor, not to mention his weight, takes a knee. "I'm afraid I have to ask a boon, my Lady. We were... detected during our act of holy larceny. Unless the parsons are stopped, I cannot guarantee the safety of the egg. Or of Goblintown, for that matter. Can you help us turn the Eldadrin here into goblins?"

Mallus wrote:

"Mr. Fagin, would you be so good as to stow my sacred egg in your magic box? And gently, gently, if you please."

Out of context...hell, IN context, that still sounds amazingly filthy.

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan awkwardly, thanks to his armor, not to mention his weight, takes a knee. "I'm afraid I have to ask a boon, my Lady. We were... detected during our act of holy larceny. Unless the parsons are stopped, I cannot guarantee the safety of the egg. Or of Goblintown, for that matter. Can you help us turn the Eldadrin here into goblins?"

"Pervert is to be thinking big," the Porcophant murmurs, "And is to be deserving much congratulations for it." His admiration doesn't keep him from sliding a few steps further away.