A day of rest.

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Mallus wrote:: This sounds like a Skill Challenge. The League vs. the Temple of the Eroded God.

Now that's a damn good idea.

Quote :: If Odanais picks up the temple stripper, +1 success...

I'm already thinking of more possibilities...

Heyoka defecates on the rug: 1 failure

Penelope shoots the Archprelate in the face: Game Over!

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

shilsen wrote:: Penelope shoots the Archprelate in the face: Game Over!

I think that should count as 2 failures. This group has overcome worse self-inflicted obstacles.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

mallus wrote:: Yatagan considers --briefly-- if the Eroded God is addressing the Dragon Within him. After tamping down a brief flare-up of Draconic hubris, he decided that the seated deity is speaking to the god in the box he stuffed into his codpiece...

... his codpiece being more-or-less empty, since Dragonborn keep their generative organs recessed, like every race smartly crafted for battle.

Oh, that's got to have profound theological implications of some sort.

Mallus wrote:: Yatagan takes a deep breath, then speaks in a deep, resonant voice that projects a certain certainty. The voice he usually reserves for reciting the Dragon Catechisms and juried poetry competitions.

"Archprelate, these 'lost sheep' of yours have besmirched the good name of the Eroded God. They attacked my place of worship. They tried to steal what is not theirs. Worse, they claim the Eroded God sent them a vision instructing them to do so."

Letting that sink in a moment, Yatagan continues.

"We have returned the survivor, and the bodies of the dead for whatever rites you see fit to grant them. We ask that you honor your god by making recompense. We also ask that you grant us... satisfaction. Permit us to help bring the remaining heretics to justice. We have some insight into where they may be hiding."

The Archprelate raises an eyebrow. "They say that the Faceless One gave them their orders? That's unlikely, at best -- those masks they wear are a rather half-assed sort of blasphemy, you know. But," he waves a hand, "Be that as it may, be that as it may."

The tiefling leans back in his chair, produces a chamois from a pocket of his robe, and begins to absent-mindedly polish his horns.

"You realize, of course, that you've cheated the Eroded God of his vengeance in this matter? Not only is the former prelate Chuckfarthing guilty of blasphemy, but he stole a not insignificant sum from the church before he left. His wrath is terrible when He is denied a chance to punish those who have sinned against Him. A donation may be enough to turn away that wrath, although I can make no such promises without first speaking to Him and imploring His mercy."

This sounds somewhat reasonable to Yatigan -- very draconic, in its way -- but Artichoke recognizes this as complete bullshit. The Eroded God's laziness is legendary, and actually forms an important part of His doctrine.

One of the Twelve Significant Pronouncements, in fact, is "Do not bestir yourself to do that which may be done by another, for is not your seat a comfortable one?"

*****

gridley wrote:: While the others are conversing with prelates, Odanais finds his attention more rapt by the bored dancing girls. Attempting to slip away from the crowd, he wanders over to within speaking distance of one of them. "I admire your dancing, my dear. And the lovely way your delicate ankles taper into those divine feet. In fact, you remind me of someone I used to know...."

He will then try to flirt with her, maybe make a date, casually drop some of his knowledge about the religion she's working for [religion +10], and try to work her for any good gossip about that tiefling prelate or what the church has been up to lately.

She dances under the name of The Gilded Orchid, but after a few minutes of conversation Odanais manages to weasel her real name, Matitia, out of her. She continues to dance as she talks, although by now it's little more than a desultory shuffling in place.

She not particularly awed by the Eroded God, and is blasé enough about it to say so right in front of his (nonexistent) face. She's certainly not a worshipper; this is a job to her, and nothing more.

"...the Dog, at least He does something every now and then, if you make the right offering. Loves liver, so He does, and that's how I was cured of the...well, never you mind about that. And sometimes He'll let you pet him, and that's always nice, isn't it? Not like that one, can't even be bothered to acknowledge a woman...."

Gossip, though, that she has to offer. "...oh, old horny was mad, let me tell you! You could hear him all the way out here, bellowing curses and such. Haven't heard some of those words in years, not in public at least. Came out here and actually yelled at the God, so he did, and did he get smitten...smited?...struck down for it? I should say not! Stony just said a word, and old horny walked off, sulking like a child. Pathetic, that's what it was."

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Rolzup wrote:: The Archprelate raises an eyebrow. "They say that the Faceless One gave them their orders? That's unlikely, at best -- those masks they wear are a rather half-assed sort of blasphemy, you know. But," he waves a hand, "Be that as it may, be that as it may."

The tiefling leans back in his chair, produces a chamois from a pocket of his robe, and begins to absent-mindedly polish his horns.

"You realize, of course, that you've cheated the Eroded God of his vengeance in this matter? Not only is the former prelate Chuckfarthing guilty of blasphemy, but he stole a not insignificant sum from the church before he left. His wrath is terrible when He is denied a chance to punish those who have sinned against Him. A donation may be enough to turn away that wrath, although I can make no such promises without first speaking to Him and imploring His mercy."

This sounds somewhat reasonable to Yatigan -- very draconic, in its way -- but Artichoke recognizes this as complete bullshit. The Eroded God's laziness is legendary, and actually forms an important part of His doctrine.

One of the Twelve Significant Pronouncements, in fact, is "Do not bestir yourself to do that which may be done by another, for is not your seat a comfortable one?"

Son of an bitc... antelope! Sitting within shouting distance of his own deity and making up bullshit in It's name? Though tempted to bluntly point out that the archprelate is lying, Artichoke restrains himself. Instead, he smiles beatifically and says, "Really? I'm obviously not an expert on religion like my scaled friend here, but I seem to recall hearing that the Eroded God prefers to not bestir himself from his comfortable seat to do that which may be done by another."

He pauses, watching the archprelate's face carefully, and then adds, "If you prefer, of course, we could hand over your heretic and be on our way. In that case, considering their attack on us, we would feel impelled to track them down, destroy them, and claim whatever they possessed. For reasons of self-defense and to cover our overheads, of course. Or we could come to some sort of understanding, your holiness, where we would recover your lost sheep and whatever they took from you. For a finder's fee, of course." No sense beating around the bush much with this guy!

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

shilsen wrote:: Instead, he smiles beatifically and says, "Really? I'm obviously not an expert on religion like my scaled friend here, but I seem to recall hearing that the Eroded God prefers to not bestir himself from his comfortable seat to do that which may be done by another."

"Say that's right" says Yatagan a little crossly, as Artichoke's incessant talking yet again jogs a useful fragment of knowledge loose from it's prison in the Dragonborn's skull.

"And if He were angry at us He wouldn't have offered us... that is me, a drink!"

Quote :: Or we could come to some sort of understanding, your holiness, where we would recover your lost sheep and whatever they took from you. For a finder's fee, of course."

Yatagan smiles at the Tiefling, regretting for a moment that he picked the mouse bones from his teeth on the walk to the temple.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: Oh, that's got to have profound theological implications of some sort.

It makes for one hell of a virgin birth myth...

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

Mallus wrote:: Instead, Artichoke smiles beatifically and says, "Really? I'm obviously not an expert on religion like my scaled friend here, but I seem to recall hearing that the Eroded God prefers to not bestir himself from his comfortable seat to do that which may be done by another."

"Say that's right" says Yatagan a little crossly, as Artichoke's incessant talking yet again jogs a useful fragment of knowledge loose from it's prison in the Dragonborn's brain.

"And if He were angry at us He wouldn't have offered us... that is me, a drink!"

The Archprelate's smile freezes. "Ah, you're a scholar! How...how delightful. Admittedly, yes, it's more of a divine petulance than wrath, but still and all, that's nothing that you want to risk, is it?"

Seeing the looks on Yatigan and Artichoke's faces, he hastily moves on.

"And yes, what is this about His offering you a drink, Mister...Yatigan, was it? Was He indeed speaking to you? Are you claiming to be a god, sir?" It's an obvious and desperate attempt to regain control of the conversation, and from the look in his eyes he already knows that it's not working.

shilsen wrote:: He pauses, watching the archprelate's face carefully, and then adds, "If you prefer, of course, we could hand over your heretic and be on our way. In that case, considering their attack on us, we would feel impelled to track them down, destroy them, and claim whatever they possessed. For reasons of self-defense and to cover our overheads, of course. Or we could come to some sort of understanding, your holiness, where we would recover your lost sheep and whatever they took from you. For a finder's fee, of course." No sense beating around the bush much with this guy!

The look of desperation briefly transitions into blind panic before smoothing out into an ingratiating smile.

"Well, self-defense, that's another story entirely. You should have mentioned that earlier! 'Trust not in the benevolence of your foe, and do unto him before you are yourself done unto.' "

Andrealphus looks Artichoke in the eye, evaluating him for a moment, before speaking, the jolliness gone from his voice. "You're nobody's fool, Captain, whatever your reputation, and I respect that. So let's be straight, shall we? You bring Sebastian to me -- alive, mind you! -- along with what he's stolen, and I shall see that you are given proper recompense. I'll swear to this," he adds, "Over a drink. And if you are the scholar you seem to be, you know that the Eroded God holds beer to be sacred, and all words spoken over it to be equally so."

And indeed, both Yatigan and Artichioke have heard this to be true.

Andrealphus reaches up and pulls on a rope hanging above his desk. Somewhere in the temple, a bell can be heard sounding. The archprelate folds his hands and smiles.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: She dances under the name of The Gilded Orchid, but after a few minutes of conversation Odanais manages to weasel her real name, Matitia, out of her. She continues to dance as she talks, although by now it's little more than a desultory shuffling in place.

She not particularly awed by the Eroded God, and is blasé enough about it to say so right in front of his (nonexistent) face. She's certainly not a worshipper; this is a job to her, and nothing more.

"...the Dog, at least He does something every now and then, if you make the right offering. Loves liver, so He does, and that's how I was cured of the...well, never you mind about that. And sometimes He'll let you pet him, and that's always nice, isn't it? Not like that one, can't even be bothered to acknowledge a woman...."

"I've heard really good things about that dog. Licking sight back into a blind child's eyes, wagging away diseases with its tail. I wonder how it is at finding lost people. Rather good, one would think. I must look into that...."

Rolzup wrote:: Gossip, though, that she has to offer. "...oh, old horny was mad, let me tell you! You could hear him all the way out here, bellowing curses and such. Haven't heard some of those words in years, not in public at least. Came out here and actually yelled at the God, so he did, and did he get smitten...smited?...struck down for it? I should say not! Stony just said a word, and old horny walked off, sulking like a child. Pathetic, that's what it was."

Interesting. Odanais asks if she thinks the runaway prelate got greedy, lost faith, or just got sick of dealing with Old Horny? Any thoughts about where he may have gone into hiding? Family or friends in the area perhaps?

"Oh, and what time did you say you get off work, Matitia?"

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: "And yes, what is this about His offering you a drink, Mister...Yatigan, was it?

"Sir Yatagan Fracas. Remember that name, as it will appear in future legends."

Quote :: Was He indeed speaking to you?

"Ask your prelate outside."

Quote :: Are you claiming to be a god, sir?"

"I've made no such claim... to you." For a moment Yatagan experiences the almost sexual thrill that paladins experience when with flirting with a lie. Of course, this could also be the result of the god stuffed down his pants.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: Interesting. Odanais asks if she thinks the runaway prelate got greedy, lost faith, or just got sick of dealing with Old Horny? Any thoughts about where he may have gone into hiding? Family or friends in the area perhaps?

"Chuckfarthing was an odd one, even for this place. Most of 'em seem to sit about waiting for the dust to settle on their shoulders, but he was always bustlin' about sticking his nose in wherever he could. Had the nerve to criticize my dancing, even, when Stony Himself has never uttered a word of complaint."

She shrugs. "Not that I'd give a damn if He did, mind.

It was about a month ago, Matitia goes on to say, that she'd noticed him acting even more agitated than usual, approaching other priests and speaking to them in urgent whispers.

" 'course, whispers carry pretty good, especially in a place like this. You'd think he'd know that, wouldn't you? Never got to hear the whole thing, just bits and pieces. He had a vision, saw a new god, a better god (no great difficulty there, you ask me) and that he was destined to do something or other. Talking crap, really, when all he wanted to do was steal."

gridley wrote:: "Oh, and what time did you say you get off work, Matitia?"

"Soon as the damned gladiators get here. And somebody'd better clean the blood up this time around!"

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

Mallus wrote:

Quote :: Are you claiming to be a god, sir?"

"I've made no such claim... to you." For a moment Yatagan experiences the almost sexual thrill that paladins experience when with flirting with a lie. Of course, this could also be the result of the god stuffed down his pants.

"I shall indeed ask the Prelate; every word that the God speaks is recorded in the Book of Mutterings, for the edification of future generations. Besides, sometimes he predicts the winners of bouts at the Ethical Circus.

"But I must say," Andrealphus continues, "That you certainly don't look like a god. Not that this proves anything, but I generally know the divine when I see it these days."

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Rolzup wrote:: The archprelate folds his hands and smiles.

Artichoke smiles back, honestly this time, having decided to focus on the "nobody's fool" part of Andrealphus' comment and not the "whatever your reputation" crack. Plus at least the man has the decency to use Artichoke's first name.

Quote :: "But I must say," Andrealphus continues, "That you certainly don't look like a god. Not that this proves anything, but I generally know the divine when I see it these days."

Damn! I don't want discussion of gods while that thing is in Yatagan's nethers. "I agree to your offer," he says quickly, hoping to distract the archprelate, "But before we come to a binding ... drink ... I'd like to know what exactly Sebastian stole from you. We need to know what to bring back and what to retain. For overheads, as I said." And that way I know whether you're trying to gouge us on the 'recompense'. "Plus any information you can give us about Sebastian and his followers would be helpful. Especially descriptions and their skills or powers."

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

"I have a god inside me" says Yatagan blandly to the Archprelate when Artichoke is done cutting him off. Anyone with a passing familiarity with Middling Lands religion will recognize this as the first line of the Dragon Catechism. Paladins of the Cult of the Dragon Within are strongly encouraged to speak the truth, but are always permitted a few ecclesiastical double entendres.

"But that's neither here nor there. Tell us what you know about the heretic's capabilities and let's seal this deal!" he then bellows, unleashing the the full fury of his stage voice, which has been described by admiring critics as 'rich', 'velvety', and 'deafening'. "Then we can drink a toast to justice in all it's burning, viscid glory!"

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: Had the nerve to criticize my dancing, even, when Stony Himself has never uttered a word of complaint."

"The man sounds insensate" offers Odanais.

Rolzup wrote:: She shrugs. "Not that I'd give a damn if He did, mind.

It was about a month ago, Matitia goes on to say, that she'd noticed him acting even more agitated than usual, approaching other priests and speaking to them in urgent whispers.

" 'course, whispers carry pretty good, especially in a place like this. You'd think he'd know that, wouldn't you? Never got to hear the whole thing, just bits and pieces. He had a vision, saw a new god, a better god (no great difficulty there, you ask me) and that he was destined to do something or other. Talking crap, really, when all he wanted to do was steal."

"A new god, eh? You didn't happen to catch the competing diety's name, did you?"

Rolzup wrote:: "Soon as the damned gladiators get here. And somebody'd better clean the blood up this time around!"

"Indeed..."

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

"If I've learned anything over the past fortnight, it's that I don't know a damned thing about Sebastian Chuckfarthing. He was a fine enough Prelate, even if he did show an unseemly degree of...drive, I suppose you could say. Had a lot of ideas, an absolutely no reluctance to share them."

The Archprelate grimaces. "At great length.

"I never suspected him of any wrongdoing, even if his behavior had become a trifle erratic in the weeks before his treachery. He started avoiding me, and casting unfriendly scowls in my direction, even though he seemed generally more cheerful than his wont. I've since learned that he'd started winning significant sums at the Ethical Circus, betting on matches. His luck went very sour a few days before he stole from us and fled."

Andrealphus is scowling now. "He took a dozen priests with him, and my understanding is that he's collected nearly a score of followers in the past two weeks. He can be eloquent, when he wants.

"Sebastian had no skill at arms, no magics at his command, but he's still managed to inspire a goodly amount of fear in his people. How, I've no idea.

"As to what he stole?" Andrealphus pauses, looking hard at Artichoke and then at Yatigan. "Dammit," he mutters. "Forty thousand gold, about half of that in platinum. I doubt that he's squandered much of it yet; he's not gone near the Circus."

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: "The man sounds insensate" offers Odanais.

"Oh, yes! And a jackass, too!"

gridley wrote:: "A new god, eh? You didn't happen to catch the competing diety's name, did you?"

"Not me. No one I've talked to, either. I'm not even sure if he knew, truty be told."

gridley wrote:: "Indeed..."

"Better not be too much longer," she grumbles, "My feet are bloody killing me."

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Quote :: "Better not be too much longer," she grumbles, "My feet are bloody killing me."

Odanais offers to give Matitia a foot massage until the gladiators arrive (or his friends get chased out of Old Horny's office).

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Rolzup wrote:: "His luck went very sour a few days before he stole from us and fled."

"Does Sebastian owe money?" asks Yatagan. "It would be helpful to know if we aren't the only ones seeking justice from him."

Quote :: ""He took a dozen priests with him, and my understanding is that he's collected nearly a score of followers in the past two weeks.

"How many of those followers are priests militant or belligerent? We know first hand that he had several, and now has several fewer."

Quote :: "Forty thousand gold, about half of that in platinum.

"That's one fat sackful of justice" says Yatagan, momentarily forgeting he is a trained poet.

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Rolzup wrote:: "As to what he stole?" Andrealphus pauses, looking hard at Artichoke and then at Yatigan. "Dammit," he mutters. "Forty thousand gold, about half of that in platinum. I doubt that he's squandered much of it yet; he's not gone near the Circus."

Artichoke 's eyes light up at the number. But tempted as he is by the sum, he knows that the first thing which would happen if the League got their hands on that amount would be a lot of people wanting to get their hands on the League. "Our normal fee when recovering lost wealth is twenty percent of the amount, so that would be eight thousand in this case, or less if we find a lower amount on Sebastian. I hope that's acceptable." He smiles, knowing he has the archprelate over a barrelhead, since the man knows that the League could easily go after Sebastian on their own.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

mallus wrote:: "Does Sebastian owe money?" asks Yatagan. "It would be helpful to know if we aren't the only ones seeking justice from him."

"He does, to a fellow called 'Bucca Boo', if you can believe it. Fae of some sort, I'm given to understand. How much, I don't know...but it's enough that there's something of a price on his head."

mallus wrote:: "How many of those followers are priests militant or belligerent? We know first hand that he had several, and now has several fewer."

"Perhaps three-quarters of those he took with him had some martial training. Enough to serve as door guards, or to escort unruly petitioners out of the temple."

shilsen wrote:: Artichoke 's eyes light up at the number. But tempted as he is by the sum, he knows that the first thing which would happen if the League got their hands on that amount would be a lot of people wanting to get their hands on the League. "Our normal fee when recovering lost wealth is twenty percent of the amount, so that would be eight thousand in this case, or less if we find a lower amount on Sebastian. I hope that's acceptable." He smiles, knowing he has the archprelate over a barrelhead, since the man knows that the League could easily go after Sebastian on their own.

He winces, but agrees. "Recovering the money is about equal in importance to resolving the situation," Andrealphus admits. "If we look like an easy mark, we're going to suffer for it, and eventually that's going to provoke the Eroded One into taking action. And that could have unfortunate consequences for everyone concerned.

"I ask only that you give me a day or three before taking action -- I've pursued other solutions, if you understand my meaning, and it would be best to put a halt to those before you end up tripping over them."

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Rolzup wrote:: He winces, but agrees. "Recovering the money is about equal in importance to resolving the situation," Andrealphus admits. "If we look like an easy mark, we're going to suffer for it, and eventually that's going to provoke the Eroded One into taking action. And that could have unfortunate consequences for everyone concerned.

"I ask only that you give me a day or three before taking action -- I've pursued other solutions, if you understand my meaning, and it would be best to put a halt to those before you end up tripping over them."

"Certainly," says Artichoke. "We'll just put it at the top of our 'to do' list and wait for the go-ahead from you." He beams happily. "Now that is decided, is there anything else we can do for you? Or should we just hand over our captive and leave you ... to your prayers? Gratis, of course, as a show of good faith."

OOC: Does the 'Bucca Boo' reference ring any bells for any of us? And regarding us finding Sebastian, did we get any useful information out of the survivor and/or the guy we were asking questions before Penelope put an arrow through his head?

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

shilsen wrote:: "Certainly," says Artichoke. "We'll just put it at the top of our 'to do' list and wait for the go-ahead from you." He beams happily. "Now that is decided, is there anything else we can do for you? Or should we just hand over our captive and leave you ... to your prayers? Gratis, of course, as a show of good faith."

"That would be appreciated. And I understand that you have the...remains of the others who attack you, as well?"

shilsen wrote:: OOC: Does the 'Bucca Boo' reference ring any bells for any of us? And regarding us finding Sebastian, did we get any useful information out of the survivor and/or the guy we were asking questions before Penelope put an arrow through his head?

Asarli recognizes the name as that of a bookie, but no further details.

And yes, you managed to get an "address" in the Shambles out of your prisoner. It's a dilapidated building, which Sebastian is working on turning into a proper temple. Apparently, at this point that consists largely of lighting a lot of candles.

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Rolzup wrote:: "That would be appreciated. And I understand that you have the...remains of the others who attack you, as well?"

"Oh yes. They're in the cart below your heretic. Don't worry, we covered them up nicely and they're in relatively good condition for the moment. For dead men, that is. If you'd send out a couple of your people with us, we'll hand them all over." Artichoke rises and extends a hand to Andrealphus. After shaking, he quickly leads the rest of the League out of the chamber and the temple. Can't let him spend too long with them. He might change his mind about the job.

shilsen wrote:: Asarli recognizes the name as that of a bookie, but no further details.

And yes, you managed to get an "address" in the Shambles out of your prisoner. It's a dilapidated building, which Sebastian is working on turning into a proper temple. Apparently, at this point that consists largely of lighting a lot of candles.

Okay. Thanks.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

The musical accompaniment begins shortly after leaving the temple; the same flautist from the previous day, marching in the party's wake and playing a stirringly dramatic theme. He doesn't speak, but anyone who turns to gaze at him is greeted with a bow and a brief fanfare. Spire Drakes, pests descended from beasts bred as message carriers by the Magna Publica Machina, occasionally settle on the goblin's shoulders, or swoop by and snatch bits of food from his free hand.

He vanishes after a few blocks, but the sound of a dirge carries over the sounds of the crowds almost until the Hall of Injustice comes into view.

There's another goblin squatting by the front door -- "blessed" by the Aster with grotesquely long legs supporting a squat torso, you've seen him before, serving as one of Distaff's messengers.

He leaps to his feet and bows, a horrifyingly comical sight. "Master Distaff needs to speak to you, Captain Artichoke! A matter of urgency, he said! 'A disaster in the making!' He'd like you to come at once!"

After sketching another bow, the messenger turns and bounds down the street, leaping nimbly over a cart that's blocking his way.

Disquietingly, it occurs to Artichoke, he never even asked for a gratuity....

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

Rolzup wrote:: Disquietingly, it occurs to Artichoke, he never even asked for a gratuity....

Great! Now what? "All right," says Artichoke, "Let's go see what he wants." He proceeds towards the Driftglass Society headquarters with the others. As they walk along, he says, "Keep an eye out for anything unusual. But try not to kill anyone until and unless they seriously attack us. Enough people probably know we've been helping the goblinoids and want us unable to do so, but this is the Shambles, after all."