Let No Man Put Asunder

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Viscount Zerris Yarn interrupted the wedding with an expensive display of hired violence, but thanks to his arrangement with Chax, managed to get away again even after you beat him.

Now, all the guests have fled the building, except for a mildly disappointed-looking Misquamacas, the bride is searching for her missing brothers, Pogsley is prying mouth flowers out of Mister Matzoh Claws, the imp has vanished, the tribal Tiefling had put down his bow and is picking himself up out of the pews he fell into, and the human girl is trying to surrender peacefully.

"I'm really sorry that we messed up your big day," she says. "I bear you no grudge. I just owed Chax a debt and the Viscount paid it. Now, that he's fled, I won't trouble you, I promise."

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: "I'm really sorry that we messed up your big day," she says. "I bear you no grudge. I just owed Chax a debt and the Viscount paid it. Now, that he's fled, I won't trouble you, I promise."

Chakram, who's only slightly hurt and still has her falchion at the ready, grins viciously at her. "Oh, don't worry - I promise you won't be troubling us."

She glances at Fagin and Yatagan. "Do we cut her head off to make sure she doesn't? Pretty please!"

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

shilsen wrote:: She glances at Fagin and Yatagan. "Do we cut her head off to make sure she doesn't? Pretty please!"

"It might come to that, yes" says Yatagan. "But we have something of a tradition when it comes to defeated foes, and so far it's worked splendidly.

Yatagan turns to their captive and turns on the charm.

"Young lady, I have two questions for you. What is your name and would you like a job?"

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Frippery crawls out of the coin-operated panic room behind the altar, adjusts his frock and asks, "Oh, no more fighting? Are we continuing with the ceremony?"

shilsen wrote:: Chakram, who's only slightly hurt and still has her falchion at the ready, grins viciously at her. "Oh, don't worry - I promise you won't be troubling us."

She glances at Fagin and Yatagan. "Do we cut her head off to make sure she doesn't? Pretty please!"

She says nothing to that, but meets Chakram's gaze and smirks.

Mallus wrote:: "It might come to that, yes" says Yatagan. "But we have something of a tradition when it comes to defeated foes, and so far it's worked splendidly.

Yatagan turns to their captive and turns on the charm.

"Young lady, I have two questions for you. What is your name and would you like a job?"

"My name is Anefsina," she says. "And... well... yes, I suppose I do. What sort of work would it be?"

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: "My name is Anefsina," she says. "And... well... yes, I suppose I do. What sort of work would it be?"

"Our business is religion. We bring hope, fellowship, and comfort to the outcast and downtrodden. Our burden is easy, our yoke is light, and our pork buns are to die for. Despite being ecclesiastical in nature, we are also non-denominational. For example, I worship several gods, and one of the other founders is a staunch atheist. Your chief duties would be defense of our church headquarters --it's a mansion in the Port-- and help with the new converts, plus any additional skills you might offer. You will be compensated accordingly."

"We offer you community and purpose in a non-judgmental environment. The pay's good. Plus, we won't cut off your head." Yatagan says the last bit with a fanged smile and a twinkle in his slitted eye.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: Frippery crawls out of the coin-operated panic room behind the altar...

OOC: this is my new favorite sentence in the English language.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: "Our business is religion. We bring hope, fellowship, and comfort to the outcast and downtrodden. Our burden is easy, our yoke is light, and our pork buns are to die for. Despite being ecclesiastical in nature, we are also non-denominational. For example, I worship several gods, and one of founders is a staunch atheist. Your chief duties would be defense of our church headquarters --it's a mansion in the Port-- and help with the new converts, plus any additional skills you might offer. You will be compensated accordingly."

"We offer you community and purpose in a non-judgmental environment. The pay's good. Plus, we won't cut off your head." Yatagan says the last bit with a fanged smile and a twinkle in his slitted eye.

Anefsina nods and smiles. "That sounds lovely. Yes, please take me with you. I've always wanted to see what life is like... somewhere... anywhere, really... other than here."

As she's speaking, the tribal Tiefling archer, who has been watching the conversation with confusion, makes a sprint for the door.

Mallus wrote:

gridley wrote:: Frippery crawls out of the coin-operated panic room behind the altar...

OOC: this is my new favorite sentence in the English language.

ooc: Hehe....

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: "That sounds lovely. Yes, please take me with you. I've always wanted to see what life is like... somewhere... anywhere, really... other than here."

"You've never left the Hells?! How tragic. By all means allow me the honor of freeing you from... excuse me."

Quote :: As she's speaking, the tribal Tiefling archer, who has been watching the conversation with confusion, makes a sprint for the door.

"Someone stop that Tiefling! He's trying to escape without bribing anyone first! Blasphemer!" shouts Yatagan indignantly. To punctuate his words he lobs a javelin into the archer's back.

OOC: 30 vs. AC, 6 damage

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

#1 'd20' : 18

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#2 'd6' : 2

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:

gridley wrote:: "That sounds lovely. Yes, please take me with you. I've always wanted to see what life is like... somewhere... anywhere, really... other than here."

"You've never left the Hells?! How tragic. By all means allow me the honor of freeing you from... excuse me."

"Of course," says Anefsina. "Take your time."

Mallus wrote:

Quote :: As she's speaking, the tribal Tiefling archer, who has been watching the conversation with confusion, makes a sprint for the door.

"Someone stop that Tiefling! He's trying to escape without bribing anyone first! Blasphemer!" shouts Yatagan indignantly. To punctuate his words he lobs a javelin into the archer's back.

OOC: 30 vs. AC, 6 damage

A hit! A very palpable hit, but it does not drop the bolting Tiefling.

Anefsina casually teleports a short distance down the aisle and flicks her wrist in the direction of the Tielfing, freezing the savage with a silvery beam of light.

[15 points damage and he is slowed until he save.]

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

DICE!

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

#1 'd20' : 7

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#2 'd6' : 4, 2

Posts : 1078 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: Anefsina casually teleports a short distance down the aisle and flicks her wrist in the direction of the Tielfing, freezing the savage with a silvery beam of light.

[15 points damage and he is slowed until he save.]

Chakram bursts into a run as soon as the archer moves, an anticipatory grin on her face. Taking advantage of him being slowed, she reaches the fleeing tiefling and smacks her falchion into the side of his head. As it impacts, the weapon flares with a burst of energy.

OOC: Attacks with Implanted Suggestion. 37 vs. Will; 25 damage and he's dazed (saved ends). He's also affected by her suggestion (save ends). Until the suggestion ends, whenever he makes an attack, one ally adjacent to the target can make a melee basic attack against it as a free action after the archer's attack is resolved.

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'shilsen' has done the following action : Dice Roller

#1 'd20' : 18

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#2 'd4' : 4, 1, 2, 4

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

When Yatagan gets to act next he'll convert his armor into the spitting image of a flame-adorned tracksuit he saw in shop --where did the tracksuit originate if not in Hell?-- and do a Move/Charge on the archer.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

shilsen wrote:

gridley wrote:: Anefsina casually teleports a short distance down the aisle and flicks her wrist in the direction of the Tielfing, freezing the savage with a silvery beam of light.

[15 points damage and he is slowed until he save.]

Chakram bursts into a run as soon as the archer moves, an anticipatory grin on her face. Taking advantage of him being slowed, she reaches the fleeing tiefling and smacks her falchion into the side of his head. As it impacts, the weapon flares with a burst of energy.

OOC: Attacks with Implanted Suggestion. 37 vs. Will; 25 damage and he's dazed (saved ends). He's also affected by her suggestion (save ends). Until the suggestion ends, whenever he makes an attack, one ally adjacent to the target can make a melee basic attack against it as a free action after the archer's attack is resolved.

Another hit. Slowed and dazed. You girls work well together. He's not going anywhere too fast.

Mallus wrote:: When Yatagan gets to act next he'll convert his armor into the spitting image of a flame-adorned tracksuit he saw in shop --where did the tracksuit originate if not in Hell?-- and do a Move/Charge on the archer.

ooc: Go for it.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Tracksuit-clad Yatagan bears down on the Tiefling with his axe.

OOC: using Virtuous Strike as an MBA, 26 vs. AC, 14 damage -- he's Dazed, right? That means he grants Combat Advantage...

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'Mallus' has done the following action : Dice Roller

#1 'd20' : 8

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#2 'd10' : 2

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: Tracksuit-clad Yatagan bears down on the Tiefling with his axe.

OOC: using Virtuous Strike as an MBA, 26 vs. AC, 14 damage -- he's Dazed, right? That means he grants Combat Advantage...

Hearing little in the way of commotion, several of the nosier wedding guests decide to peek inside and see who won. Pulling the huge double doors open, they are startled to see the savage Tiefling lumbering straight for them, shouting something indecipherable in his alien tongue, just as Yatagan Fracas kills him with a flying axe tackle that leaves the guests splattered in blood.

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

"He tried to leave without paying" says Yatagan evenly as he hauls the Tiefling's corpse back inside.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Z'roa Pesach returns with her brothers Maror and Charoset in tow. She explains how she found them tied up back at Countess Jael's manor.

Gradually, the devils and demons are coaxed back into the temple and the wedding gets underway. The flower goblin tosses freshly-extracted mouth flowers. The bride, having used her hat of disguise to obfuscate a few rips in her wedding dress and a bit of stubborn schmutz from the matzoh clawed monster's ass web, is escorted down the aisle by her brother Maror. As she walks down the aisle, a few Tieflings wonder aloud how "a silly young girl like her got such a deliciously nasty old man like him."

Still somewhat frazzled, Lender Frippery opens the holy briefcase and has the bride and groom sign the illuminated wedding contracts, which he notarizes himself. He then ushers them under the golden chuppa, where they exchange gold coins, vows, and finally rings.

Best man Yatagan hands Fagin the lovely sapphire ring, which he obtained from the bride herself and which Fagin now slips back onto her finger. She in turn places a lovely ruby-encrusted gold ring upon Fagin's finger. Frippery squints at the rings a little and then pulls a jeweler's loupe from his pocket and whispers, "You know, I once appraised Count Jephtah Yarn's family jewels and he had two pieces very similar to these. In fact, your necklace and ear rings looks familiar as well." Z'roa shrugs innocently and subtly slips the old man a bribe to get on with the ceremony.

Frippery recites the Seven Damnations, and then ceremonially summons Mazeltopheles, the demon lord of weddings, who shows his approval by not appearing and eating the entire wedding party. Fagin carefully places the hand of one of his orphans down in front of him, then brings down his boot to shatter it. Everyone cheers!

Gepetto Jack Fagin and Z'roa Pesach are now married!

Everyone returns to Countess Jael's manor for a huge celebration.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

gridley wrote:: Frippery recites the Seven Damnations, and then ceremonially summons Mazeltopheles, the demon lord of weddings, who shows his approval by not appearing and eating the entire wedding party.

**Applause**

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: ...Mazeltopheles...

OOC: Bravo!

Quote :: ...the hand of one of his orphans down in front of him, then brings down his boot to shatter it...

OOC: I thought Fagin bought a "frail-boned debtor" to crush?

IC:

Yatagan takes in the celebration as approving and disapproving looks war across his battleground of a face. "The Hells are certainly more... festive than I was led to believe. I'll say this, the coppery-tasting wine they're serving is quite spectacular. But let us not overindulge. We still have the ritual to procure in the morning, and I suppose we cannot exeunt Damnation before we take our revenge on Zerris Yarn. He disrupted Fagin's accursed day with incompetent mercenaries."

"There must be blood. It's... tradition" he says with a shrug.

Posts : 138 Join date : 2008-08-27

gridley wrote:: ...Mazeltopheles...

That's inspired!

Gepettojack will recite his wedding vows at the appropriate moment. " I, Gepetto Jack Fagin, take you, Z'roa Pesach, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold as a long-term investment, from this day forward, with compound interest calculated annually, for better or for worse, for richer, in sickness and in health, until bankruptcy do us part."

Mallus wrote:: OOC: I thought Fagin bought a "frail-boned debtor" to crush?

The debtor wisely ran away from the fight, incurring even more debt to pay the Offering of the Escaped Human Sacrifice.

"That orphan owed me money for gambling debts, so he qualified. Besides, now I can give him a new mechanical hand! It all works out in the end."

Mallus wrote:: Yatagan takes in the celebration as approving and disapproving looks war across his battleground of a face. "The Hells are certainly more... festive than I was led to believe. I'll say this, the coppery-tasting wine they're serving is quite spectacular. But let us not overindulge. We still have the ritual to procure in the morning, and I suppose we cannot exeunt Damnation before we take our revenge on Zerris Yarn. He disrupted Fagin's accursed day with incompetent mercenaries."

"There must be blood. It's... tradition" he says with a shrug.

"Of course there must be blood! What else would we make our matzot with?" Fagin says, while escorting a group of Piñatian* children behind the alter into the kitchen.

* Worshippers who ritually string up their god every spring, and stab him with spears and thorny crowns until he expires, showering the children with candied frankincense and myrrh.

"Oh, you mean blood revenge. Yes yes, I wouldn't want to insult my new bride by letting that incompetent scoundrel get away with disrupting our wedding."

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Misquamacas leaves the reception after only a few drinks, but before he does, he visits Fagin and Z'roa. Looking somewhat pained, he hands them the fancily-wrapped box he was holding the during the ceremony.

"Please accept this gift from my master Lord Graz'zt," he says through clenched teeth. "He congratulates you on your wedding and... ahem... your very fine performance at the Festival."

If nothing more is said, he clicks his heels together, turns and leaves the party.