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 Fiances and Other Demons

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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:11 am

shilsen wrote:
"I suggest trying to avoid drawing any attention to her, unless ....," she pauses, and then grins, momentarily taking on an expression which might be better suited to the crocodile head of Orquiel, "...you can draw a lot of attention to her."
"I can do that" says Yatagan solemnly. He immediately thinks of how popular simulated copulation was with audiences in the Quadrille.

Or was it actual copulation? It's so hard to tell with mammals.

Quote :
A few years ago, there was a really minor deity called Silly-sham Hung, god of hip-thrusts and little explosions (don't ask!), whose sponsors got her into the competition by carrying her around town with music playing and large signs proclaiming, "She bangs! She bangs!"
OOC: I have no words... no wait, I found two... 'ouch' and 'bravo'.

Quote :
Chakram shakes her head slightly at the memory and says, "Anyway, that's just a suggestion."
"And a capital one at that!"
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:46 am

shilsen wrote:
Once Yatagan explains something about what he is looking for, Chakram makes a suggestion or two regarding places where they can find something of the kind. "Personally," she says, "I suggest trying to avoid drawing any attention to her, unless ....," she pauses, and then grins, momentarily taking on an expression which might be better suited to the crocodile head of Orquiel, "...you can draw a lot of attention to her."

The tiefling looks around the small group and explains, "Since the festival's a competition, after all, a deity who's already well-known and which the local populace particularly want to see sacrificed has a bit of an advantage over the others. Though the more hidebound of the judges don't like it. A few years ago, there was a really minor deity called Silly-sham Hung, god of hip-thrusts and little explosions (don't ask!), whose sponsors got her into the competition by carrying her around town with music playing and large signs proclaiming, "She bangs! She bangs!" I believe old Simon the Scowler, head judge at the time, almost exploded in indignation when the local popularity got her in."

Chakram shakes her head slightly at the memory and says, "Anyway, that's just a suggestion."

OOC: Chakram can take 10 for a 27 on Streetwise.


Chakram quickly tracks down two possibilities:

One is a lovely gold palanquin to be carried by four bearers. Curtains on the sides can be raised or lowered depending on the desire for privacy.

The other is a large ornamental altar on wheels, formerly used by a tribe of nomadic Tieflings. The blood stains mark it as well used. As you're examining it, the seller notices and brushes off a bit of dried entrails from one of the wheels.

She even has time to locate a local singing group called The Demon Barbershop Quartet of Fleet Street who are available for gigs.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:18 am

gridley wrote:
Chakram quickly tracks down two possibilities:

One is a lovely gold palanquin to be carried by four bearers. Curtains on the sides can be raised or lowered depending on the desire for privacy.

The other is a large ornamental altar on wheels, formerly used by a tribe of nomadic Tieflings. The blood stains mark it as well used. As you're examining it, the seller notices and brushes off a bit of dried entrails from one of the wheels.

She even has time to locate a local singing group called The Demon Barbershop Quartet of Fleet Street who are available for gigs.

After examining the options, Chakram turns to the others. "I like the altar better. Seems more appropriate for what you're trying to do, I think." She shrugs. "But either would do, as long as you get the effects right."
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:07 pm

shilsen wrote:
"I like the altar better."
"So do I. A goddess needs an altar, and the bloodstains add an element of tension. Another thing I learned from performing in the Quadrille."
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:46 am

Vox clears his throat, involuntarily. "If taking altar, can be summoning flying pigs," he suggests. "Two for each pole. Is to be looking very fancy, yes? Damn it, stop doing that! Am for being helpful. Is more than you is being, Not-Quite-Dead-Man. I hate you, you bastard. Hate you."

Closing his eyes, Vox shakes his head. "I need a drink," he moans.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Sat Nov 13, 2010 1:48 pm

Mallus wrote:
shilsen wrote:
"I like the altar better."
"So do I. A goddess needs an altar, and the bloodstains add an element of tension. Another thing I learned from performing in the Quadrille."
"Yes, and the blood sacrifice of condemned debtors is one of the oldest practices for praising the G-LD" Fagin adds, "for the smell is pleasing to the G-LD, and it discourages defaults. It's like the ceremonial breaking of legs. As in the story of Samson in the book of Account Managers, who broke the pillar-like legs of the lawyer Phil I. Stein."

"Ah, if only we still had the Lost ATM of the Covenant. The golden Lady could sit upon the mercy seat, for all to see, and be fed grapes and bribes by the winged cherubim. It is prophesied that an adventurer named Jones will uncover the Lost ATM of the Covenant. The description of the Jones indicates that he'll be known by what he has on his head, which depending on how you interpret the wording, could be either a brown hat, or the mark of Cain."


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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Sat Nov 13, 2010 1:52 pm

Rolzup wrote:
Vox clears his throat, involuntarily. "If taking altar, can be summoning flying pigs," he suggests. "Two for each pole. Is to be looking very fancy, yes? Damn it, stop doing that! Am for being helpful. Is more than you is being, Not-Quite-Dead-Man. I hate you, you bastard. Hate you."

Closing his eyes, Vox shakes his head. "I need a drink," he moans.
Lol. Beautiful.

If we do summon four flying pigs, they need to appear with golden wheels within wheels, carrying the four corners of the altar with the golden goddess upon it.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:01 am

As Kommeral's procession takes shape, Yatagan hurries to play his part; writing the script to her passion play, in which he'll obviously co-star. He draws upon the finest examples of simulated copulation on-stage he can recall.

For the first time in his life, Yatagan bemoans his lack of external genitalia. Then he remembers the performers of the Quadrille didn't expose their junk. Wise, for there many have been enemies lurking in the crowds, at the very least critics. They employed all manner of false genitals; made from wood, metals, paper-mâché.

Panic begins to take hold of the Dragonborn until his eyes light on the fluted bottle of fetal Eladrin soul stuck to the center of the wedding diorama. Perfect!
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 15, 2010 12:02 pm

[quote="Atlatl Jones"]
Rolzup wrote:

If we do summon four flying pigs, they need to appear with golden wheels within wheels, carrying the four corners of the altar with the golden goddess upon it.

OOC: Coins within coins, I would assume, under the circumstances.

Mallus wrote:

Panic begins to take hold of the Dragonborn until his eyes light on the fluted bottle of fetal Eladrin soul stuck to the center of the wedding diorama. Perfect!

OOC: I...I...don't even think that there's a word for this sort of crime against decency, good taste, and the sanctity of the dead. Well done!
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 15, 2010 12:16 pm

Rolzup wrote:
OOC: I...I...don't even think that there's a word for this sort of crime against decency, good taste, and the sanctity of the dead. Well done!
OOC: A word? No. But maybe a title: 120 Days of Yatagan or, alternately, The Story of Y.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:46 am

In the Temple Bank of the G-LD, six Tieflings gather, waiting.

"All right, Frippery," says Usurer Furbelow, pounding his fist on the wall. "Where is this goddess that you feel we should replace my candidate with?"

"Assuming we even can do that so late in the competition," mutters Lender Gewgaw, stroking her long tail as it coils around her thigh.

"There are no obstacles that the G-LD cannot overcome," says Broker Fandangle, smiling prettily as he admires Gewgaw's gold tail piercings..

"Well, I can't wait much longer," says Miss Bibin Tucker, a local businesswoman and the only non-ordained member of the group, as her hands independently count the coins in two small embroidered sacks that hang from her belt.

"Indeed," says the Grand Shylock, a hugely fat Tiefling named Lavaliere, as he shifts his considerable bulk in his large gold-plated wheel chair. "I should hardly need to remind you, Frippery, that time is money and money is... well... everything!"

"Oh, I think I see them now," says Frippery, peeking out the door. "Yes, I think that's them... oh!... oh, dear..."

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Tue Nov 16, 2010 11:42 am

As the rolling altar proceeds toward the Temple Bank of the G-LD, Chakram walks in the rear of the cavalcade that surrounds it. The tiefling warrior is thoroughly amused by the ideas and antics of this idiosyncratic group that she finds herself temporarily attached to, a fact that only reveals itself in the faint smile on her lips. They're hilarious! Probably insane, but certainly hilarious.

Despite the thoughts, Chakram's attention is primarily given to those around the procession, partly because she is watching to see what responses it evokes, and in part since she is half-expecting danger of some kind. After all, this group's penchant for attracting danger and violence seems on par with their comedic ability. Which suits me just fine, Chakram thinks, wondering idly if Zerris, the minor noble they scared off the previous night, will appear to cause trouble at some point. Hope so.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Tue Nov 16, 2010 12:13 pm

shilsen wrote:
As the rolling altar...
OOC: Ground travel is passe... the altar is flying through the air, held aloft by wing-ed pigs!

IC:

Final preparations are made. A looping aerial route is planned from Countess Jae's estate to the Temple Bank of the G-LD. Lizzie and Pogsley are dispatched to the harbor to request for Captain Screwtape; fire her ship's cannons as the altar of Kommeral does a fly-by. Holy pigs of the flying variety are summoned by a constipated-looking Vox through the grace of the spirit dwelling within him against his will. The golden goddess is wheeled out, trussed up, and vocally paralyzed. Ensouled dildo in hand, Yatagan commands his armor into it's most knightly shape and mounts the altar after her.

Once aloft, they fly as low as the cruel-looking architecture of the infernal city allows with the rest of the group following underneath. The passion play Yatagan wrote is a simple one, befitting his nature. A love story, ie ritualized mating combat. What Dragonborn critics nicknamed a 'meet-brute'. Traditionally the future lovers attack each other with claws, fluids, and clouds of mildly-corrosive pheromones.

Seeing Kommeral is trussed up, it's a tad one-sided. Most of Yatagan's monologue is lost to the wind and the shouts/taunts from the crowd below, though at one point clearly bellows out the promise to 'burnish the shit out of' the goddess's golden form.

However, as the drama unfolds, her 'divine aura' begins to stay the Dragonborn's assault. Through the power of the G-LD, not to mention Yatagan's love of cheap theatrics, the tables are turned. By the end as they land, Yatagan slips a leash around his own neck, and pantomimes being led into the Temple Bank by the triumphant goddess, who he's actually swinging along.

Best of both worlds thinks Yatagan of the performance.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Tue Nov 16, 2010 3:46 pm

Is beautiful. Dragon-pervert is truly artist, touched by divine spirit in unsettling places.

Vox shakes his head. "This redefines tacky," he mutters. "Makes it a perfect fit for hell, admittedly, but really, what's wrong with subtlety?"

Subtle is not being bringing in congregations. If wanting sleep, can stay in bed.

"If only that were an option...."
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Sat Nov 20, 2010 4:27 pm

OOC: Are we waiting on Mike/Fagin, Steve?
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:17 pm

shilsen wrote:
OOC: Are we waiting on Mike/Fagin, Steve?

ooc: Well, I did figure someone would make some sort of brief presentation and that there would be some sort social manipulation skill check, yes.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:00 am

gridley wrote:
Well, I did figure someone would make some sort of brief presentation and that there would be some sort social manipulation skill check, yes.
OOC: this is just for Yatagan's attempt to "draw a lot of attention to Kommeral" as per Chakram's suggestion, on the way over to the Temple Bank - Diplomacy: 31, using his 10th level Utility "Befriend" and assuming he can fly within 25ft. of Chakram

Fagin should have the honor of presenting the goddess.


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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:00 am

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:43 pm

Fagin will ride a spinning wheel of Gold (Tenser's Floating Shekel) in front of the golden goddess, in his finest white-collared ceremonial clothing, which is actually quite impressive, especially compared to the tattered beggars' clothes he tends to normally wear. (It's not being cheap, it's being frugal.)

His horns are aflame and sparking magnificently (a combination of his fire ritual, and a concealed orphan throwing small handfuls of powdered metals into the flame.)

A chorus of damned angels sing as we fly in, their wails of torment in beautiful 4-part harmony. Like Ride of the Valkyries played by a Klezmer band and a chorus of cantors with broken legs.

Just as we're about to reach the bank, and the music crescendos, and the hamming Yatagan is finally defeated by the goddess, his prosthetic manhood bursts into green flame, which reflects off the chariot and the golden goddess' skin magnificently.

Fagin steps off his shekel, onto the steps of the temple bank.

"I present, the g-lden goddess Kommarel!"

Edit: 39 Bluff!


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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:43 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:15 am

OOC: if Yatagan can use Aid Another to help Fagin bullshit the churchmen with a few heartfelt-sounding "Hallelujahs!", he will.

You know, from a certain perspective, Yatagan is the shittiest paladin ever.

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:17 pm

"Yeah," Vox admits grudgingly, "That was pretty damned impressive."

Is for being damned indeed, by definitions. And you is having no soul, not-quite-dead-man. This is for being work of ART.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:42 pm

shilsen wrote:
As the rolling altar proceeds toward the Temple Bank of the G-LD, Chakram walks in the rear of the cavalcade that surrounds it. The tiefling warrior is thoroughly amused by the ideas and antics of this idiosyncratic group that she finds herself temporarily attached to, a fact that only reveals itself in the faint smile on her lips. They're hilarious! Probably insane, but certainly hilarious.

Despite the thoughts, Chakram's attention is primarily given to those around the procession, partly because she is watching to see what responses it evokes, and in part since she is half-expecting danger of some kind. After all, this group's penchant for attracting danger and violence seems on par with their comedic ability. Which suits me just fine, Chakram thinks, wondering idly if Zerris, the minor noble they scared off the previous night, will appear to cause trouble at some point. Hope so.

Chakram doesn't notice any danger, but does see a variety of startled reactions. A couple Tieflings she grew up with recognize her and ask her what in hell (ho ho!) is going on.

Mallus wrote:
Final preparations are made. A looping aerial route is planned from Countess Jae's estate to the Temple Bank of the G-LD. Lizzie and Pogsley are dispatched to the harbor to request for Captain Screwtape; fire her ship's cannons as the altar of Kommeral does a fly-by. Holy pigs of the flying variety are summoned by a constipated-looking Vox through the grace of the spirit dwelling within him against his will. The golden goddess is wheeled out, trussed up, and vocally paralyzed. Ensouled dildo in hand, Yatagan commands his armor into it's most knightly shape and mounts the altar after her.

Once aloft, they fly as low as the cruel-looking architecture of the infernal city allows with the rest of the group following underneath. The passion play Yatagan wrote is a simple one, befitting his nature. A love story, ie ritualized mating combat. What Dragonborn critics nicknamed a 'meet-brute'. Traditionally the future lovers attack each other with claws, fluids, and clouds of mildly-corrosive pheromones.

Seeing Kommeral is trussed up, it's a tad one-sided. Most of Yatagan's monologue is lost to the wind and the shouts/taunts from the crowd below, though at one point clearly bellows out the promise to 'burnish the shit out of' the goddess's golden form.

However, as the drama unfolds, her 'divine aura' begins to stay the Dragonborn's assault. Through the power of the G-LD, not to mention Yatagan's love of cheap theatrics, the tables are turned. By the end as they land, Yatagan slips a leash around his own neck, and pantomimes being led into the Temple Bank by the triumphant goddess, who he's actually swinging along.

Mallus wrote:
Best of both worlds thinks Yatagan of the performance. OOC: this is just for Yatagan's attempt to "draw a lot of attention to Kommeral" as per Chakram's suggestion, on the way over to the Temple Bank - Diplomacy: 31, using his 10th level Utility "Befriend" and assuming he can fly within 25ft. of Chakram

The glitzy stage, the gaudy display of sado-masochism and the flying pigs succeed in drawing a roaring crowd. A few turn up their noses and some shout anti-Dragonborn insults at Yatagan, but most Tieflings enjoy cheap theater as much as the next race and soon an impressive parade is following behind them.

Rolzup wrote:
Is beautiful. Dragon-pervert is truly artist, touched by divine spirit in unsettling places.

Vox shakes his head. "This redefines tacky," he mutters. "Makes it a perfect fit for hell, admittedly, but really, what's wrong with subtlety?"

"Oh," says Charoset, "subtlety's absolute marvelous, just as long as you make sure to do it in big, flashy, ostentatious sort of way!"

Atlatl Jones wrote:
Fagin will ride a spinning wheel of Gold (Tenser's Floating Shekel) in front of the golden goddess, in his finest white-collared ceremonial clothing, which is actually quite impressive, especially compared to the tattered beggars' clothes he tends to normally wear. (It's not being cheap, it's being frugal.)

His horns are aflame and sparking magnificently (a combination of his fire ritual, and a concealed orphan throwing small handfuls of powdered metals into the flame.)

A chorus of damned angels sing as we fly in, their wails of torment in beautiful 4-part harmony. Like Ride of the Valkyries played by a Klezmer band and a chorus of cantors with broken legs.

Just as we're about to reach the bank, and the music crescendos, and the hamming Yatagan is finally defeated by the goddess, his prosthetic manhood bursts into green flame, which reflects off the chariot and the golden goddess' skin magnificently.

Fagin steps off his shekel, onto the steps of the temple bank.

"I present, the g-lden goddess Kommarel!"

Edit: 39 Bluff!

Mallus wrote:
OOC: if Yatagan can use Aid Another to help Fagin bullshit the churchmen with a few heartfelt-sounding "Hallelujahs!", he will.

You know, from a certain perspective, Yatagan is the shittiest paladin ever.


Despite Lender Frippery's fears, his comrades seem quite pleased by the display. Once he realizes that he's not alone he allows himself to smile and applaud along with the crowd.

"Oh my," says Miss Bibin Tucker, mouth hanging open, her hands suddenly free from her bags of coins. "I think I lost count. That hasn't happened I gave birth to my Myron!"

"They put on a damned fine show," says Broker Fandangle, "and you know I don't use the word damned lightly. This gorgeous g-lden goddess could be our most memorable--and lucrative--entry in the contest yet."

Only Usurer Furbelow and Lender Gewgaw step up onto the altar for a closer look. As Furbelow chants, his eyes glow with fiery energy. The faux Kommarel shifts uncomfortably as though being literally burned by the priest's gaze. Gewgaw steps up and extends her long tail to grope at the goddess a bit. As she does so, a puddle of black smoke slides up her tail, along her spine and into her nostrils.

"There is something powerfully divine about it," says Furbelow, rubbing his chin, "but it's as though it's wrapped in crap."

"Spiritually speaking," says Gewgaw, withdrawing her tail, "she is empty, nothing but a tawdry trinket. A child's toy at best."

"Oh, you two worry too much," pronounces the Grand Shylock. "She is a goddess of the fey. Of course she's empty! Everything they make is hollowed out and painted with schmoozy glamors. The Eladrin haters will have a heyday with her destruction. And besides, she's nicer to look at than that accursed Bligham."

"Then we are more or less agreed" asks Frippery, counting to four on hand and two on the other.

"The G-LD is pleased! This g-lden bitch of the Eladrin shall be our entry in the contest," proclaims the Grand Shylock. "Mazel tov, boys. Frippery, get her to her cage and I'll speak to Miss Kinzaant about the switcheroo."

Maror and Charoest slap Fagin on the back. "Well done, boytchik," says Maror, "you did good."

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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:02 am

gridley wrote:
Chakram doesn't notice any danger, but does see a variety of startled reactions. A couple Tieflings she grew up with recognize her and ask her what in hell (ho ho!) is going on.

Chakram simply says that this is a new entry in the competition, but other than that doesn't provide any details or explain her role here, deflecting any questions with some polite but effective obfuscation.

Quote :
"There is something powerfully divine about it," says Furbelow, rubbing his chin, "but it's as though it's wrapped in crap."

"Spiritually speaking," says Gewgaw, withdrawing her tail, "she is empty, nothing but a tawdry trinket. A child's toy at best."

Rather than all the positive comments, Chakram focuses primarily on what Furbelow and Gewgaw say, not just because she's curious to see if the entry is accepted but because she hasn't had a real chance to examine the goddess and wonders what the more religiously inclined might think of it.

Quote :
"Oh, you two worry too much," pronounces the Grand Shylock. "She is a goddess of the fey. Of course she's empty! Everything they make is hollowed out and painted with schmoozy glamors. The Eladrin haters will have a heyday with her destruction. And besides, she's nicer to look at than that accursed Bligham."

"Then we are more or less agreed" asks Frippery, counting to four on hand and two on the other.

"The G-LD is pleased! This g-lden bitch of the Eladrin shall be our entry in the contest," proclaims the Grand Shylock. "Mazel tov, boys. Frippery, get her to her cage and I'll speak to Miss Kinzaant about the switcheroo."

The tiefling warrior smiles a--for once--genuine grin at the news that the golden goddess has been accepted. Not only does that mean her task continues (which provides more time to find out what Count Orquiel's fate will be), but it gives her more of an opportunity to learn whatever she can about this odd group. They really do have a strange knack of being successful. I need to find a way to benefit from that.

With that thought, she asks the Grand Shylock, "I'm pleased to hear that. Can you tell me when the contest will actually begin? Also, I was wondering," she adds, as a pleasant thought strikes her, "Is there any way we, or those of us who are interested, can participate? I'd love to be the one who gets to sacrifice the goddess, if that's at all possible." I wonder what it feels like to kill a deity. Chakram restrains herself from expressing the frisson of delicious anticipation the thought causes.

OOC: Take 10 for a 27 on Diplomacy, if needed.
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PostSubject: Re: Fiances and Other Demons   Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:54 am

shilsen wrote:
With that thought, she asks the Grand Shylock, "I'm pleased to hear that. Can you tell me when the contest will actually begin? Also, I was wondering," she adds, as a pleasant thought strikes her, "Is there any way we, or those of us who are interested, can participate? I'd love to be the one who gets to sacrifice the goddess, if that's at all possible." I wonder what it feels like to kill a deity. Chakram restrains herself from expressing the frisson of delicious anticipation the thought causes.

OOC: Take 10 for a 27 on Diplomacy, if needed.

"The next wave of eliminations will be held tomorrow at noon at Tophet Square," says the Grand Shylock. "You're welcome to attend, but the honor of the killing is for sale to no one."

"But," adds Miss Tucker, "if you truly have a hankering, you could probably pick up one of the losers at a bargain price after the contest."


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