To Hell On High Water

gridley wrote:

... splash unbidden and simultaneously into the shallow water of his mind...

That's beautiful, man!

BTW, is there any chance Chakram would have seen Yatagan head downstairs? Or do you want to roll randomly and see if she did?

"This is bullshit Pogsley!" Lizzie says. "Look at how these pathetic beings twist themselves into self-hatred because of their so-called 'gods'. We really need to think of a way to kill them all off. The gods that is. I'm beginning to warm to this wedding ceremony, at least we will have one less god when it's over." Lizzie stares admiringly at the cannon crews as they clean up the weapons and ready them for later action.

"You know Pogs, we should learn how to use one of those things." Lizzie walks over to the cannon crew and asks about their workings.

shilsen wrote:

gridley wrote:

... splash unbidden and simultaneously into the shallow water of his mind...

That's beautiful, man!

It is.

overeddie wrote:

Lizzie walks over to the cannon crew and asks about their workings.

And so is this.

gridley wrote:

Dexter returns to Vox somewhat... ahem... empty-handed. The cargo in the hold is minimal: several cases of Lord Rum's Special Reserve Rum, about twenty cases of wine, and a collection of medicinal herbs from the Great Girding Forest.

Vox leans back with a sigh. "Never so easy as that", he reflects. "Nothing for it but to watch and wait, I suppose."

Could be for praying. Not-Quite-Dead man is heathen, but Glorious Treasure of Heavens is for being forgiving pig-goddess. Is probably requiring only little bitty penance. Have two eyes, can be sparing one, yes?

"No. No, I cannot."

Silence, blessed silence, reigns for a moment.

Kidney, then? Or testicle, maybe?

Roll, dice, roll....

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd12' : 5

shilsen wrote:

That's beautiful, man!

Mallus wrote:

It is.

Thanks!

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shilsen wrote:

BTW, is there any chance Chakram would have seen Yatagan head downstairs? Or do you want to roll randomly and see if she did?

No, she only catches a glimpse of him coming back up from the hold after the business in his pants is finished.

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overeddie wrote:

"This is bullshit Pogsley!" Lizzie says. "Look at how these pathetic beings twist themselves into self-hatred because of their so-called 'gods'. We really need to think of a way to kill them all off. The gods that is. I'm beginning to warm to this wedding ceremony, at least we will have one less god when it's over."

"Bougie gods!" mutters Pogsley, brandishing what appears to be a brand new lever at the sky. Lizzie glances casually around to see if anything on the ship is missing one.

overeddie wrote:

Lizzie stares admiringly at the cannon crews as they clean up the weapons and ready them for later action.

"You know Pogs, we should learn how to use one of those things." Lizzie walks over to the cannon crew and asks about their workings.

The cannon operators are happy to demonstrate the operation of the great machines to Lizzie and Poglsey, even allowing them to load and fire a practice round. Lizzie is impressed to see that Pogsley actually gets the procedure down surprisingly quickly.

"Can me fill cannon wit' teeth?" asks Pogsley, grinning widely. "Me want shoot teeth at people!"

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Rolzup wrote:

Vox leans back with a sigh. "Never so easy as that", he reflects. "Nothing for it but to watch and wait, I suppose."

Dexter points a finger at Count Orquiel's cabin suggestively.

gridley wrote:

Dexter points a finger at Count Orquiel's cabin suggestively.

You're a brave hand," Vox says approvingly, "And since you're already dead, what have you got to lose? Stay out of sight, Dexter! And if nothing else, listen to what's being said!"

And if he get caught? Vox thinks, How can I be blamed for my wandering hand?

Rolzup wrote:

And if he get caught? Vox thinks, How can I be blamed for my wandering hand?

OOC: has Vox been hanging out with Odanais?

Rolzup wrote:

gridley wrote:

Dexter points a finger at Count Orquiel's cabin suggestively.

You're a brave hand," Vox says approvingly, "And since you're already dead, what have you got to lose? Stay out of sight, Dexter! And if nothing else, listen to what's being said!"

And if he get caught? Vox thinks, How can I be blamed for my wandering hand?

Give me a round of Stealth, Perception, and Thievery rolls. I'd hate for you to lose your hand because I rolled poorly for you.

gridley wrote:

No, she only catches a glimpse of him coming back up from the hold after the business in his pants is finished.

Chakram grins, as much to herself as for the benefit of anyone watching, and strides over to Yatagan. "You weren't off flagellating yourself and trying to please Dagon that way - were you, Sir Yatagan? In my considered opinion, that never works. Plus, I hear doing it too often makes your scales fall off." She chuckles and then adds, "By the way, nice axe-work against the Dagon-cats. Your ability to take a beating certainly lives up to your reputation."

shilsen wrote:

"You weren't off flagellating yourself and trying to please Dagon that way - were you, Sir Yatagan? In my considered opinion, that never works.

"Oh no Ms. Khan, I do not condone self-abuse. It would denigrate the part of the True Dragon God that lives in my heart. I merely popped off to have an unobtrusive prayer."

Quote :

Your ability to take a beating certainly lives up to your reputation."

"You're too kind, Ms. Khan. This was, at best, a mediocre display of self-sacrifice. Why poor Pogsley was beat within an inch of his short life whilst I received mere scratches." Changing the subject, Yatagan says, "Would you mind if I asked you a rather general question about proper decorum in the Hells? My wish is not to cause offense, for I am an adherent to the courtly virtues. And I carry Heaven's own radiance with my vital bodily fluids. And I'm going to be outnumbered by demons roughly a million to one."

Mallus wrote:

"Oh no Ms. Khan, I do not condone self-abuse. It would denigrate the part of the True Dragon God that lives in my heart. I merely popped off to have an unobtrusive prayer."

Chakram simply nods, her expression attentive, noting mentally that she can think of a number of people who would be quite enthusiastic about cutting out Yatagan's heart and checking for any signs of internal divinity. Not that she has any particular interest in that personally. While the dragonborn empire had an important role to play in the Cataclysm which resulted in the fall of her family from power, Chakram's smart enough to know that certain other tiefling clans were much more immediately to blame.

Quote :

"You're too kind, Ms. Khan. This was, at best, a mediocre display of self-sacrifice. Why poor Pogsley was beat within an inch of his short life whilst I received mere scratches." Changing the subject, Yatagan says, "Would you mind if I asked you a rather general question about proper decorum in the Hells? My wish is not to cause offense, for I am an adherent to the courtly virtues. And I carry Heaven's own radiance with my vital bodily fluids. And I'm going to be outnumbered by demons roughly a million to one."

"Just Chakram, please," says the tiefling warrior, her tone lacking all formality, as comfortably warm as if Yatagan were a valued ally and friend. "And please feel free to ask. I'd be happy to help you and your companions avoid any trouble, if I can." She flashes a brilliant smile. "Except when you're looking for trouble, of course. What were you wondering?"

BTW, I posted Chakram in the character section, in case anyone's curious.

The member 'Rolzup' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 6, 3, 18

shilsen wrote:

What were you wondering?"

"I am not a bigot" begins Yatagan, "I bear no malice towards Tieflings or their demonic patrons. I understand there are no innocents to protect in the Hells. A mortal in the Infernal Isles either deserves or willingly risks damnation. Still, I am a paladin of the Order of the Dragon Within, and also a Knight of Treasure. I am empowered to injure demonkind. Radiance and righteousness drip from my cloaca like the holy fat from a roasting pig. Will I give offense by my mere presence?"

Mallus wrote:

"I am not a bigot" begins Yatagan, "I bear no malice towards Tieflings or their demonic patrons. I understand there are no innocents to protect in the Hells. A mortal in the Infernal Isles either deserves or willingly risks damnation. Still, I am a paladin of the Order of the Dragon Within, and also a Knight of Treasure. I am empowered to injure demonkind. Radiance and righteousness drip from my cloaca like the holy fat from a roasting pig.

Chakram listens silently and attentively, a pleasant smile on her face, letting the fat dragonborn wax lyrical and wondering if he inadvertently reveals anything else. So - a paladin? Things get progressively more interesting. I wonder if he's as brave--or foolish--as the last one I had to kill. She casts her mind back over all that she's seen Yatagan say or do over the few days that she's known him. Probably.

Quote :

Will I give offense by my mere presence?"

"Hmm." Chakram purses her lips in thought, considering both what to say and how to phrase it for the appropriate desired effect. "I would wager, Sir Fracas, that your mere presence would not be an issue for most tieflings - or even demons, for that matter. While dragonborn are not common or, depending on where you are, particularly popular, in the Hells, it's not as if they are set upon and killed on sight. Well," she corrects herself, "Other than in the running of the dragonborn during the festival of San Vermin, but you presumably won't ever see that."

"As for being a paladin, Sir Fracas, just being one shouldn't be a problem, as long as you're not walking around shouting at people - or demons - to be righteous. We do sometimes get tiefling paladins too, you know, including in the Hells." You probably haven't seen one, she thinks, Being brought out on a stage as an object lesson to little children. Or a snack. "So just your presence shouldn't be an issue. Most of the time, it'll depend on what you do."

"Of course, it's hard to predict off-hand what behavior would get you, well, killed in what situation. And, coincidentally, I was thinking," she continues casually, "That if I'm free I might visit the festival and see what goes on there. If you'd like, I could accompany your group, so I'd be on hand if you needed warning or suggestions about the appropriate etiquette. And," she grins and taps the hilt of the falchion protruding above her right shoulder, "Be around if warning or suggestions didn't work." And that would let me both keep an eye on you for Orquiel and not be too close to him if he ... falls. "What do you think ... Yatagan, if I may?"

OOC: The above, amusingly enough, does work mechanically too. Chakram's basic ardent power (Mantle of Elation) gives allies in 5 squares a +2 bonus to Diplomacy and Intimidate. So if she's near him, Yatagan actually does get better at being diplomatic with or intimidating whoever he meets in the Hells.

shilsen wrote:

Well," she corrects herself, "Other than in the running of the dragonborn during the festival of San Vermin, but you presumably won't ever see that."

"That hardly seems sporting. My kind are not particularly fast runners. It's one of the reasons we developed tanks."

Quote :

"As for being a paladin, Sir Fracas, just being one shouldn't be a problem, as long as you're not walking around shouting at people - or demons - to be righteous.

"I'm no street corner evangelist, Ms... Chakram. Each is free to find their own road to apotheosis or oblivion." Paetros on the other hand... perhaps Mr. Fagin has some extra voice-paralyzing poison for Vox.

Quote :

"If you'd like, I could accompany your group, so I'd be on hand if you needed warning or suggestions about the appropriate etiquette."

"That would be splendid!" Yatagan claps happily.

Rolzup wrote:

gridley wrote:

Dexter points a finger at Count Orquiel's cabin suggestively.

You're a brave hand," Vox says approvingly, "And since you're already dead, what have you got to lose? Stay out of sight, Dexter! And if nothing else, listen to what's being said!"

And if he get caught? Vox thinks, How can I be blamed for my wandering hand?

Rolzup wrote:

OOC: In order then!
Stealth: 30
Perception: 11
Thievery: 40

Well. Light fingers indeed.
[/i]

Dexter shimmies under the crack of the door to Count Orquiel's cabin, the luxury of which fills the disembodied hand with jealousy. Why, he wonders, did I have to cast my lot with a lowly civil servant?

He spies the Count asleep upon his bed, tossing and turning, muttering frustratedly at some tormentors in his dreams. In his hand are some papers.

Taking his time, Dexter flips open the Count's suitcases, rummaging through countless suits of humanoid clothing, a bit of jewelry, and some startlingly frilly underwear. Climbing free from a mound of satiny ruffles, Dexter surveys the room again, spying once more the papers in the Count's sleeping hands.

After climbing silently up a bed post, Dexter sneaks across the mattress on gentle fingertips and makes his way to his prey's hands, which are clutching the papers quite tightly. Fortunately, Dexter knows a thing or two about hands and reaches out his pinkie to gently tickle the ring finger of the Count's right hand, just above the knuckle, causing the hand to reflexively open. He follows the same course with the Count's left hand and in no time finds himself scurrying across the floor, dragging two pages of vellum.

Dexter makes his way back to Vox, reporting that he found no unusual cargo in the stateroom, but was able to pilfer the last two pages of what appears to be a letter. The first page and possibly others are missing, but the pages on hand are full of gossip about personages in the Infernal Isles.

The writer, who signs his name as The Bishop of Broken Rings, reports the following:

--That Lady Glasya, ruler of Nessus and only surviving daughter of Asmodeus, was seen one night parading through the streets of the chasm city of Malsheem stark naked and drunk out of her mind. "The horror!"

--"That wicked, wicked dwarf Misquamacas" returned from the Snake States with more than just a god for the festival. "What do you suppose his master is up to?"

--Three concubines died at the Sultan's last orgy. "How I wish I had been there!"

--Lord Demogorgon has forged an alliance with Father Dagon, uniting the Infernal Navy and the Aster's abundant sea monster population for the first time. "The Emperor isn't the only one who should be shaking in his cloven hooves!"

--Three of the Hell's "most dashing assassins" have turned up dead in the last month. Looks like someone is trying to bury their involvement in something.

--"One of Graz'zt's wives, don't ask me which, became so pregnant that she ballooned to seven times her normal size! And according to the mid-wife, the brat's father must have been a hurricane."

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd12' : 1

Mallus wrote:

"That would be splendid!" Yatagan claps happily.

"Excellent!" Chakram says, with slightly less overt enthusiasm, simply bowing her head in acceptance. "I hope your companions will be as accommodating as you," she says, before looking around and down. If not seeing the person she was looking for, Chakram looks back at the paladin and says, "Especially your dwarven friend. Perhaps I'm imagining things, but I seem to catch him glowering at me ... a lot. Can you tell me, Yatagan - have I offended him in any way? Or his goblin boyfriend, who seems to have the same attitude."

shilsen wrote:

"I hope your companions will be as accommodating as you,"

"I'm afraid that's unlikely. Not all of them possess my generosity of spirit. However, they are fair to those who prove worthy of fair treatment."

Quote :

"Especially your dwarven friend. Perhaps I'm imagining things, but I seem to catch him glowering at me ... a lot. Can you tell me, Yatagan - have I offended him in any way? Or his goblin boyfriend, who seems to have the same attitude."

"You mean Lizzie? He won't be happy until the 'workers control the means of production' and we have 'universal heath care'. But he's a good egg. He was probably glowering at Captain Screwtape. Lizzie disapproves of public displays of religion. Or is it religion itself? Which is rather ironic, come to think of it, since he's one of the founding members of our church. Oh, and the goblin isn't his boyfriend, at least I don't think so. More a of henchman. Durable little bugger, he is."

"Well done! Well done indeed!" Vox takes the papers, smiling.

Muchly. Will make hand saint, after inevitable horrible revenge from devil-man.

gridley wrote:

--"That wicked, wicked dwarf Misquamacas" returned from the Snake States with more than just a god for the festival. "What do you suppose his master is up to?"

"Doubtless nothing good."

gridley wrote:

--Lord Demogorgon has forged an alliance with Father Dagon, uniting the Infernal Navy and the Aster's abundant sea monster population for the first time. "The Emperor isn't the only one who should be shaking in his cloven hooves!"

"Oh, dear...."

gridley wrote:

--Three of the Hell's "most dashing assassins" have turned up dead in the last month. Looks like someone is trying to bury their involvement in something.

"Lovely. I'm going to have to endeavor to look less dashing."

gridley wrote:

--"One of Graz'zt's wives, don't ask me which, became so pregnant that she ballooned to seven times her normal size! And according to the mid-wife, the brat's father must have been a hurricane."

"Clearly, 'The Storm What Wears A Face' is a bit of a player," Vox mutters, as he folds the pages.

It suddenly hits him that there's absolutely nobody sane for him to consult with. Geppettojack, maybe, but can he really be trusted?

Is always having me.

"Oh, yes, that's a tremendous help."

shilsen wrote:

his goblin boyfriend

His Goblin Boyfriend is totally the name of my new Indie Rock band.