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 The Godly Bunch

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gridley

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PostSubject: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:06 am

Well, after defeating several gargoyles and gnomes, and then having Boss Lady Fixer turn two Eladrin parsons into Goblins, the brave heroes absconded with three very lovely gods and returned to stately Swine Manor, where they were of course already busy with one or two gods of their own. Using half of Fagin's pilfered god bones, a substantial portion of their Eladrin gold, a suicidal human of questionable substance, and two thoroughly unimpressive dice rolls, Boss Lady Fixer created an at least superficially convincing duplicate of herself. "Hey, Tammy!" cried the duplicate goddess to his wife, "Check me out, I got solid gold tatas!"

And that's where we left off.....
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:37 am

gridley wrote:
"Check me out, I got solid gold tatas!"
"Splendid!" cries Yatagan as he breezes in from the kitchen with a mouthful of mouse. "Could someone please instruct the faux Lady Kommeral in divine decorum? Might I suggest beginning with a lesson in maintaining an enigmatic silence?" Yatagan then grabs a spare hooded cloak and covers the real Lady Kommeral.

"I'm going out. I have a promise to keep before I forget it. The old goblin priestess of Bosslady Fixer wants to see her deity before she passes on. Who wants to come with?" Yatagan commands his armor into the shape of comfy clothing, though also with a hood.

"Also" says Yatagan, slipping into his command voice as he notices Artichoke isn't around. "See to rooms are prepared for Tammy and her children. Give them rashers of bacon and wine? Do human children like wine? Oh, and could someone ask the god Ponfaffar to solve the problem of making Socialist economies work? Lizzie mentioned that may come in handy."



Last edited by Mallus on Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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shilsen

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:47 am

The main door opens, to reveal the tired visage of Captain Artichoke. "All right," he grumbles as he walks in, followed by Penelope and Sappho (who looks strangely embarrassed, or as much as a cat can), "What have you lot been up to? And why didn't you come looking for Penelope and me?"

He pauses, looking over the motley collection before him. "Oh gods - what have you been up to? And," his voice takes on a deep tinge of suspicion, "How long was I gone?"
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:09 pm

shilsen wrote:
"And why didn't you come looking for Penelope and me?"
"A thousand pardons Mr. Artichoke! Most of our excursion in the underground city is a blur. I fear you were right about that brain-in-a-jar. But all's well that ends well, and you're looking well. Those dark circles beneath your eyes denote wisdom and status among your kind, do they not?"

Quote :
"Oh gods - what have you been up to?
"The stars are aligning in our favor, my bald goodman! We have a trio of new gods! Though truth be told one's only a loaner."

Quote :
"How long was I gone?"
"Two or three days." Yatagan makes for the front door, only to stop suddenly. "Oh... I must truly still be addled... fetch the stripper and sit her on my egg!"

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overeddie

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 1:42 pm

The strange siren call of Yatagan's misadventures tugs once more at Lizzy. "I'll go with ya Yats!" he cries, putting down his beer. "I need to try to recruit more of these bastard little goblins for the Red Shirt Army. That Poglsey needs some cannon... er backup."
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:01 pm

shilsen wrote:
"Oh gods - what have you been up to?"
OOC: A summary of last night...

We finished liberating/robbing the Eldadrin cathedral.

We killed a few gnomes and broke a few gargoyles.

We *didn't* kill any of the Eldarin... but we did turn the mute and the elderly female parson into goblins, with the help of Kommeral. In Yatagan's mind this will foster goblin/Eladrin peace and help them accept a deity-sharing arrangement.

We took all three Eladrin gods. They're currently in Swine Manor.

We created a fake Kommeral using gold, three god bones, and one suicidal family man.
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:25 pm

overeddie wrote:
"I need to try to recruit more of these bastard little goblins for the Red Shirt Army."
"Workers of the Port unite... and take up arms... for Universal Healthcare!" says Yatagan fervently. "Let us be off Comrade Lizzie. We have an army to raise and an old lady to dose with the opiate of the masses." Yatagan, Lizzie, and Kommeral depart for Goblintown.

Anyone interested in joining them can follow the sound of leftist sloganeering.
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Rolzup

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:53 pm

Pætros claps Artichoke on his shoulder. "Missed much entertainment," he bellows. "Simple plan fornicated beyond reason, proves simple is not good tactics! Plans is for being complicated, convoluted, maybe little mad! Is sure to succeed if not knowing for sure if have failed or not!"

The porcophant quickens his step, calling after the others. "Please to be waiting! Will make icon, preach to masses, convert to glorious rightness of cause!"

He falters for a moment, struck by a thought. "Have rallying cry!" he declares. "Is this: 'For the pig! For the peoples! For the hell of it!' Is good, yes?"
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overeddie

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:02 pm

Rolzup wrote:
"Have rallying cry!" he declares. "Is this: 'For the pig! For the peoples! For the hell of it!' Is good, yes?"
"Nice. But maybe could use more blood."
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shilsen

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:30 pm

Mallus wrote:
"A thousand pardons Mr. Artichoke! Most of our excursion in the underground city is a blur. I fear you were right about that brain-in-a-jar. But all's well that ends well, and you're looking well. Those dark circles beneath your eyes denote wisdom and status among your kind, do they not?"

"Wait,..."

Quote :
"The stars are aligning in our favor, my bald goodman! We have a trio of new gods! Though truth be told one's only a loaner."

"..., wait,..."

Quote :
"Two or three days."

"...say what?!"

Quote :
Yatagan makes for the front door, only to stop suddenly. "Oh... I must truly still be addled... fetch the stripper and sit her on my egg!"

Artichoke, who was clearly about to ask questions, snaps shut his mouth. He takes a couple of deep breaths and then says, "You know what - I'm going to go clean up. You guys have fun."

Captain heads to his room and spends a good hour and a bit before he emerges. After which, instead of bothering Yatagan, Paetros, Lizzy or Fagin, he spends a fair bit of time talking to the others in the building about what has been going on, gradually piecing together a more-or-less lear idea of what has occurred.

Mallus wrote:
OOC: A summary of last night...

We finished liberating/robbing the Eldadrin cathedral.

We killed a few gnomes and broke a few gargoyles.

We *didn't* kill any of the Eldarin... but we did turn the mute and the elderly female parson into goblins, with the help of Kommeral. In Yatagan's mind this will foster goblin/Eladrin peace and help them accept a deity-sharing arrangement.

We took all three Eladrin gods. They're currently in Swine Manor.

We created a fake Kommeral using gold, three god bones, and one suicidal family man.

OOC: Thanks.

IC: Once he is certain what has transpired, Artichoke finally joins whichever of Yatagan, Paetros, Lizzy and Fagin are still present. "So," he says simply, "It seems I ... missed much entertainment, as Paetros put it." He shrugs. "I gather you ... some of you are leaving for the Infernal Isles with Lady Kommeral, right? When will you be departing?" And then I can start picking up the pieces of this bloody mess!
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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:08 pm

Rolzup wrote:
"Have rallying cry!" he declares. "Is this: 'For the pig! For the peoples! For the hell of it!' Is good, yes?"
"It's splendid!"

"Ooh... I have one, Bloody our fat oppressors!... hmmm, sounds a bit dry, maybe...Bloody the fat bottoms of our oppressors!... this lot here love it when you say 'bottom'... still needs work, though... Unleash your swords and bloody the fat bottoms of our oppressors!... wait, we should tie this in with Treasure..."

"Unleash your pork swords and bloody the fat bottoms of our oppressors!" shouts Yatagan as they enter Goblintown.
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gridley

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:49 pm

Mallus wrote:
"Splendid!" cries Yatagan as he breezes in from the kitchen with a mouthful of mouse. "Could someone please instruct the faux Lady Kommeral in divine decorum? Might I suggest beginning with a lesson in maintaining an enigmatic silence?" Yatagan then grabs a spare hooded cloak and covers the real Lady Kommeral.

Subtle looks around and sighs. "I'll see what I can do."

Mallus wrote:
"I'm going out. I have a promise to keep before I forget it. The old goblin priestess of Bosslady Fixer wants to see her deity before she passes on. Who wants to come with?" Yatagan commands his armor into the shape of comfy clothing, though also with a hood.

overeddie wrote:
The strange siren call of Yatagan's misadventures tugs once more at Lizzy. "I'll go with ya Yats!" he cries, putting down his beer. "I need to try to recruit more of these bastard little goblins for the Red Shirt Army. That Poglsey needs some cannon... er backup."

"More army friends for Pogsley!" cries Pogsley, as he follows faithfully behind Lizzy.

Mallus wrote:

"Workers of the Port unite... and take up arms... for Universal Healthcare!" says Yatagan fervently. "Let us be off Comrade Lizzie. We have an army to raise and an old lady to dose with the opiate of the masses." Yatagan, Lizzie, and Kommeral depart for Goblintown.

Rolzup wrote:
He falters for a moment, struck by a thought. "Have rallying cry!" he declares. "Is this: 'For the pig! For the peoples! For the hell of it!' Is good, yes?"

The Divine Deviants of the Glorious Treasure of Heaven make their way through the streets of town with their usual modesty and dignity. As they enter Goblintown, crowds of easily swayed Goblins take up their cries of "Pork Swords!" and "Fat Bottoms!" and "For the Pig, the People, and the Hell of It!" Lizzy and Pogsley even find a few able-bodied Goblins who seem willing to fight for food.

They follow the streets all the way to the wretched, rocky Northern bank of the Ossuary Flow, where nothing grows and even bricks and mortar tend to crumble in just a matter of years. Following the directions given to them by Big Hob, they find a desolate-looking cave where the river splashes against the rock and make their way down a dark and winding tunnel. As they make their way through the humid darkness, the golden goddess begins to hurry her step.

Rounding one last bend, they enter a large open cave. On the other end of the room, a tiny, hunched over Goblin woman is lighting a few candle stubs. At the sound of footsteps, she looks up, turns around and sniffs at the air. "Is that? Is it?" She breaks into tears as she stumbles forward, placing much of her weight on a short wooden cane, and hobbles towards the goddess, who walks quickly towards her, beginning to glow.

The old Goblin woman falls to her knees and begins worshiping at the feet of the goddess. From the thick gray scales over her eyes, you can see that she is completely blind.

"Oh, Boss Lady Fixer, I knew you would return! I always knew you would come back! All those years, standing outside that Elfy church, out in the gutter, just so that I could feel your presence! I knew you would come back!"

Boss Lady Fixer kneels down and runs her hand through the old woman's hair. "I missed you too, Elymydira. I missed you too."

Elymydira mumbles some rapid shaky-sounding prayers in a haphazard combination of common and Draconic, sobbing with joy the entire time.
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:48 am

gridley wrote:
Boss Lady Fixer kneels down and runs her hand through the old woman's hair. "I missed you too, Elymydira. I missed you too."
She's not a god, but neither is she a clock thinks Yatagan to himself. She may have begun her existence as a mechanism, but she's more than that now. Even our tools evolve into greater forms Go Dragonborn!.

Then a tear falls down Yatagan's face. If she can *miss*, then she can *want*. She should be free to follow her own desires. Hells, she should at least be free enough to state them. After she restores the ancient city, I will help her make this so.

This I swear by Treasure, the Box God, and the Dragon Within!"
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 12:27 pm

OOC: BTW Steve, that was a really touching scene (and the 'will revolt for food' aside was hilariously underwritten).

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shilsen

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:47 pm

Mallus wrote:
OOC: BTW Steve, that was a really touching scene (and the 'will revolt for food' aside was hilariously underwritten).

What he said. More please.
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gridley

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:00 pm

Mallus wrote:
OOC: BTW Steve, that was a really touching scene (and the 'will revolt for food' aside was hilariously underwritten).

OOC: Thanks!

shilsen wrote:
What he said. More please.

OOC: And thanks!

Mallus wrote:

She's not a god, but neither is she a clock thinks Yatagan to himself. She may have begun her existence as a mechanism, but she's more than that now. Even our tools evolve into greater forms Go Dragonborn!.

Then a tear falls down Yatagan's face. If she can *miss*, then she can *want*. She should be free to follow her own desires. Hells, she should at least be free enough to state them. After she restores the ancient city, I will help her make this so.

This I swear by Treasure, the Box God, and the Dragon Within!"

As Elymydira prays, the goddess shifts before your very eyes, into the shape of a beautiful golden goblin.

After some time, Elymydira looks up, smiling brightly. She sniffs around the room, then steps around her goddess and approaches the adventurers, leaning heavily upon her cane.

"Greetings, my very honored guests," she says, looking up at them with tearing, sightless eyes. "I cannot thank you enough for this miracle your have manifested."

She pulls a crude-looking cigar from her pocket, which she lights with a touch of her finger, slightly to her own surprise, you suspect. Taking a long draw, she offers it up to you. "Will you join me, friends?"

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overeddie

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:26 pm

'Are they Cuban?' Lizzy asks hopefully.
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:09 pm

overeddie wrote:
'Are they Cuban?' Lizzy asks hopefully.
"If they are not right now, surely Bosslady Fixer's blessing will make them so once inside us. That's the way it is with miracles" says Yatagan as he reaches for the stogy. "Let's both smoke up in honor of her."



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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:23 pm

Pætros demurs, stepping back and raising his hands in a warding gesture. "Am being both touched and honored," he says hastily, "But willful ingestions of smokes and fumes is not for being good for health of self. Is long story, but if to be making bet with elemental of fire? Be sure to being paying, after."

He bows to Elymydira. "Your faith is for being most admirable, fine lady. Is serving as example for all."
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overeddie

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:41 pm

Mallus wrote:
"If they are not right now, surely Bosslady Fixer's blessing will make them so once inside us. That's the way it is with miracles" says Yatagan as he reaches for the stogy. "Let's both smoke up in honor of her."
"You are the most sensible lizard I know Yats. To Bosslady Fixer!"
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gridley

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:32 pm

Rolzup wrote:
"But willful ingestions of smokes and fumes is not for being good for health of self. Is long story, but if to be making bet with elemental of fire? Be sure to being paying, after."

ooc: Ha!

Rolzup wrote:
He bows to Elymydira. "Your faith is for being most admirable, fine lady. Is serving as example for all."

She smiles brightly at the compliment.

Mallus wrote:

"If they are not right now, surely Bosslady Fixer's blessing will make them so once inside us. That's the way it is with miracles" says Yatagan as he reaches for the stogy. "Let's both smoke up in honor of her."

overeddie wrote:

"You are the most sensible lizard I know Yats. To Bosslady Fixer!"

Elymydira laughs aloud at that and gives a hoarse little cheer. The cigar is passed around and all who partake of it feel thoroughly invigorated.

ooc: smokers gain 15 temporary hit points that will last until you are unkindly parted with them

After the cigar has made several rounds, while mysteriously losing none of its length, Elymydira sticks out her wet, pointed tongue and snuffs the burning cigar against it. You would swear that eyes look substantially clearer than they did earlier and that she leans slightly less upon her cane. She glances over at Boss Lady Fixer who is wandering around the cave, running her hand over a crude altar.

"My new friends, I see something of your heroics in the back of my mind. Battles with Eladrring, Goblin, and Gnome. And with those buried Warforged and with the devils who once warred against their Dragonborn masters, although maybe that hasn't happened yet." She pauses and licks her lips with her long pointed tongue. "And I see a crude replica of Boss Lady Fixer in a cage, though I don't see why..."

She looks you over seriously, then smiles. "And then it's gone! Well, tell me how I can repay you for this charity you have done for me and the other followers of Boss Lady Fixer?"
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Mallus

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 17, 2010 10:34 am

gridley wrote:
"Well, tell me how I can repay you for this charity you have done for me and the other followers of Boss Lady Fixer?"
Yatagan waits for the others to speak, then says, "Elymydira, would you walk with me?". He leads her to the cave's mouth. "Help me discover what Boss Lady Lady Fixer truly desires. I am in her debt. I, too, wish to repay it."
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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 17, 2010 10:58 am

OOC: I really wish the title of this thread was Godly & Cream.
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gridley

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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:02 am

Mallus wrote:

Yatagan waits for the others to speak, then says, "Elymydira, would you walk with me?". He leads her to the cave's mouth. "Help me discover what Boss Lady Fixer truly desires. I am in her debt. I, too, wish to repay it."

"Of course I will, my boy." She smiles and then pauses to pick something out of her teeth. "Although, I suspect that debt may be closer to paid than you reckon. You see, She's been waiting a long time for the right sort of Dragonborn to come along, so that She can fulfill the destiny that those what made her instilled in her."

Perhaps its just an involuntary twitch, but Yatagan swears that the old Goblin woman winks at him in much the same fashion as his infant self did from within the god-egg Grilip.


Last edited by gridley on Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:04 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Godly Bunch   Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:03 am

overeddie wrote:
OOC: I really wish the title of this thread was Godly & Cream.

You don't know how to ease my pain....
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