O brave new world, that has such people in't!

Rolzup wrote:

"Vox Cadaveris," he snaps, "Eternal Beareaucracy. I'm here regarding certain irregularities with the pneuma that you people have been causing to manifest on the Other Side."

He pauses at the look of incomprehension which spontaneously manifests on half a dozen faces, and sighs a put-upon sigh.

"Pneuma? Unprocessed souls? The souls of the many, many people that you people have murdered in recent weeks and not properly shriven?"

Odanais makes a religion check. [8+11=19] Does he know anything about this?

Penelope wrote:

"The lizard seems to be assuming responsibility," she says, pointing at Yatagan.

"Indeed..." says Odanais. "May Treasure have mercy on us all."

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 8

Rolzup wrote:

Given a moment, I'll say the proper words and...absolutely nothing," Vox interrupts himself, calling out to the uniformed pair, "Bureaucracy business, nothing you need concern yourselves with, have a nice day!"

"Can you tell me who this man was, umm, is, well what I meant... " Yatagan's voice trails off as he desperately tries to recall if speaking of the dead in the past tense is a faux pas among the Shar Kadai. "He's been spying on us" Yatagan finally says.

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"So who's in charge of you people, then?"

"At the moment we are more of a collective" Yatagan says, inadvertently channeling the labor propaganda he'd been writing of late. "But seeing I serve as their spiritual adviser, let's say me, for the time being".

gridley wrote:

Odanais makes a religion check. [8+12=20] Does he know anything about this?

Yes. All souls in the Port are 'processed' in the afterlife by the Eternal Bureacracy, which coexists with the mortal realm on the Other Side (i.e. the Shadowfell or land of the dead). The Bureaucracy's primary job is to send souls on to their proper and appropriate rest. When people are given the appropriate rites when they die, it attracts a servant of the Bureaucracy on the Other Side to tend to the newly released souls. Since that takes some time and money, people who are involved in killing other people (like murderers, mercenaries, and PCs) don't often do that. Which usually doesn't attract too much attention unless they're killing a lot of people. Often.

Mallus wrote:

"Can you tell me who this man was, umm, is, well what I meant... " Yatagan's voice trails off as he desperately tries to recall if speaking of the dead in the past tense is a faux pas among the Shar Kadai. "He's been spying on us" Yatagan finally says.

"Ah." Vox winces. "Unfortunate. You might have to wait a bit before discovering his reasons. This sort of thing isn't as much of a problem on the Other Side, and I'm afraid that I may have acted somewhat on instinct.

"Even so, it's hardly an insuperable problem. You just need to know who to talk to."

Mallus wrote:

"At the moment we are more of a collective" Yatagan says, inadvertently channeling the labor propaganda he'd been writing of late. "But seeing I serve as their spiritual adviser, let's say me, for the time being".

"I...see." An exasperated Vox removes his hat for a moment, revealing rather less hair and more scalp than he's entirely comfortable with, judging by how hastily he replaces it. "So you're the man I need to speak, apparently. Ideally in a rather less public venue?"

Rolzup wrote:

"So you're the man I need to speak, apparently. Ideally in a rather less public venue?"

"Then let us adjourn to the Hall of Mob... to our meeting hall. You wouldn't happen to be allergic to feral pigs, would you Mr. Cadaveris?" Before exiting Five Fathoms Market Yatagan stops at Selwyn Mauberly's stand and gathers up his parcel.

Mallus wrote:

"Then let us adjourn to the Hall of Mob... to our meeting hall. You wouldn't happen to be allergic to feral pigs, would you Mr. Cadaveris?" Before exiting Five Fathoms Market Yatagan stops at Selwyn Mauberly's stand and gathers up his parcel.

Selwyn, who has been watching proceedings with great interest from his stall, bids the group goodbye with a cheerful, "I see Asparagus wasn't kidding about you people! Damn! Anyway, pleasure meeting you all, and if you're ever in the market for a good weapon or some solid armor remember old Selwyn, okay?"

The trip back to the Hall is surprisingly uneventful, though the group again draws some amount of attention on the way, and a ragged cheer from the waiting drunks in the Hall's common room when they re-enter. Agenbite grimaces as he sees everyone is present and accounted for and hands over a few more coins to a guy at the bar. Betting on the impending demise of at least one person in the group is surprisingly unprofitable.

The halfling then reaches beneath the bar, picks up a couple of objects, and waves them. It looks like they were envelopes, once relatively white, now badly marked by his grubby hands. "Here you go," he grunts, tossing them to the first person to come within reach. "Looks like I'm turning into your damn mailman. Which reminds me - do I get a raise?"

One of the 'envelopes' is dirtier than the other and turns out to actually be a parchment folded in half and sealed along the edge. It is addressed simply to "The League". Written in a large, strong hand, it reads shortly:

Quote :

You, I believe, have stolen a valuable animal of mine. I want it back. If you know what's good for you, deliver the damn pig to The Beast's Belly. You've got 24 hours. Then I'll come and get it.

Captain Clagoff.

The other letter is in an actual envelope, addressed to "Captain Artichoke." It is stamped with an actual seal, and the letter within is written in small, neat handwriting on fairly expensive notepaper with a letterhead which matches the seal. It says:

Quote :

Dear Captain Artichoke,

While we have not met, your associates and you have been recommended to me as people of considerable skill in dealing with unusual situations. I find myself in a peculiar quandary, where I might benefit from the aid of people with such skill. Hence, I would like to employ your services. Would you kindly present yourself at my estate tomorrow, between 10 and noon? Naturally, you shall be compensated for your time, even if you choose not to accept my offer. I do, however, believe that we can come to a mutually beneficial understanding. I look forward to meeting you.

Yours sincerely,
Clarissa Glossop

P.S. Please bring this letter with you to obtain entrance to the district and my estate.

OOC: A number of you know that the Beast's Belly is a tavern and pit-fighting arena in The Ethical Circus. At least a couple of you have also heard of Clarissa Glossop, an elderly spinster who is the latest and last member of the Glossop line, reputed to be both eccentric and very loaded. She lives in the Sway of Medallion.

Mallus wrote:

"Then let us adjourn to the Hall of Mob... to our meeting hall. You wouldn't happen to be allergic to feral pigs, would you Mr. Cadaveris?" Before exiting Five Fathoms Market Yatagan stops at Selwyn Mauberly's stand and gathers up his parcel.

"That's a metaphor of some sort, right? Right? Dammit...."

Vox strides over to the corpse and kneels down by its side. He begins to search the body for some sort of religious iconography, and then shrugs. "Fuck it," he concludes. Leaning over, he lightly slaps the corpse across the face, "Hey, asshole. You're dead. Good luck."

He stands up and gestures impatiently to Heyoka. "You, muscles! Grab that for me, will you? I'll buy you some raw meat or something, okay? Good."

****
Tapping his foot impatiently, and trying desperately not to breathe in through his nose, Vox sighs a very pointed sigh. "You done with your correspondence? I don't see your lips moving, so I assume that you are, wonderful, great, let's have a little talk."

Kicking something foul aside as he seats himself at Yatigan's table, Vox nods with satisfaction as the stain simply flows off his boot. "Knew that spell would come in handy," he mutters. "And that pig's no metaphor, let me tell you. Neither is it's crap."

He looks the famed poet/warrior in the eyes and takes a deep breath, which he immediately regrets. Eyes watering a little, he assays a smile. "Look, friend, I've been...assigned to you people. To keep an eye on you, more or less. You've caused a lot of confusion on the other side with your behavior of late, and...." He breaks off, smile vanishing, and continues with genuine anger in his tone.

"I mean, my gods, man! You've delayed these people's passage on the Black Ships by years, maybe even decades in some cases! If you don't let 'em know that they're dead, they wander around all confused and get in to the sort of trouble that even I don't like to consider! I met this one poor bastard with an arrow through his head, had no idea where he even was! He just kept repeating, 'I was tied up, I was tied up, I was no threat to anyone, why? Why?' Pathetic, that's what it was! Was it really too much trouble to just say a few words over the body? A benedection, a prayer, anything?"

With an effort, Vox gets control of himself, and continues in a quieter tone. I'm not here to...usurp your authority, or anything like that. I'm just a liason, as it were. Put me on your payroll, I'll follow orders and all that -- I've had military training, I was a scout -- but it's going to be my job to make sure that the dead are properly dealt with. Is this agreeable?"

Rolzup wrote:

"You done with your correspondence? I don't see your lips moving, so I assume that you are, wonderful, great, let's have a little talk."

Yatagan chooses not to dignify Cadaveris's remark with a challenge and a spray of semen to the face. Instead he nods and passes the letters to Mr. Dare.

Quote :

"I met this one poor bastard with an arrow through his head, had no idea where he even was! He just kept repeating, 'I was tied up, I was tied up, I was no threat to anyone, why? Why?'

Yatagan winces visibly.

Quote :

"Was it really too much trouble to just say a few words over the body? A benedection, a prayer, anything?"

"I have dishonored myself. I shall make amends to future corpses." A hangdog look crosses the dragon-man's face.

Quote :

Put me on your payroll, I'll follow orders and all that -- I've had military training, I was a scout -- but it's going to be my job to make sure that the dead are properly dealt with. Is this agreeable?"

"Of course" says Yatagan, brightening. "You can help us sink a ship!"

Mallus wrote:

"Of course" says Yatagan, brightening. "You can help us sink a ship!"

"Well, I'm not much of a swimmer...but what the hell. Any particular reason, or did the boat perhaps wrong you somehow?"

Rolzup wrote:

"Well, I'm not much of a swimmer...

And so it begins.

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Any particular reason, or did the boat perhaps wrong you somehow?"

"It is a matter of religious importance. The captain of the boat in question wishes to deliver a certain large pig to the Ethical Circus. The aforementioned pig may be, in some fashion, divine. A small cult has arose around her. If she's killed in the Circus there might be civil unrest."

Rolzup wrote:

Vox strides over to the corpse and kneels down by its side. He begins to search the body for some sort of religious iconography, and then shrugs. "Fuck it," he concludes. Leaning over, he lightly slaps the corpse across the face, "Hey, asshole. You're dead. Good luck."

Vox's search doesn't turn up anything religious, but he does note a small wooden disk on a string around the man's neck, carved with a cat's head on one side and a set of three claws on the other. He recognizes it as a sign of Lord James Half-A-Step, aka Jimmy Heatshimmer, the displacer beast crime lord whose activities are based around Five Fathoms Market. The recently deceased must have been a member of his organization, presumably a low-ranking one from his appearance and accoutrements.

Quote :

He stands up and gestures impatiently to Heyoka. "You, muscles! Grab that for me, will you? I'll buy you some raw meat or something, okay? Good."

Heyoka picks up the body and totes it back to the Hall, presumably (OOC: Yes, I realize that's a big presumption in this group) someone tossing a tarpaulin or other covering over it so that it just looks like a large package of some kind.

When he gets back to the Hall, Heyoka looks around a little confusedly. "What we doing with this guy?" he finally asks. "Feed it to the pig?"

Mallus wrote:

"Of course" says Yatagan, brightening. "You can help us sink a ship!"

Rolzup wrote:

"I met this one poor bastard with an arrow through his head, had no idea where he even was! He just kept repeating, 'I was tied up, I was tied up, I was no threat to anyone, why? Why?' Pathetic, that's what it was! Was it really too much trouble to just say a few words over the body? A benedection, a prayer, anything?"

"He deserved that arrow through his idiotic little brain. That man attacked us - without us doing anything to provoke it! We kept the other one alive and he suffered a lot worse than a quick and fatal head shot..."

Penelope trails off after her brief interruption, paying attention to Vox and Yatagan's exchange. "Yes. I hope you're a fan of animal rights. I'm not letting our majestic Treasure become part of the Ethical Circus' sport."

Penelope wrote:

"He deserved that arrow through his idiotic little brain. That man attacked us - without us doing anything to provoke it! We kept the other one alive and he suffered a lot worse than a quick and fatal head shot..."

Vox holds up a hand. "Yeah, I'm not entirely certain if I want to hear about that. What I don't know, I can't testify about, if you see what I mean."

Penelope wrote:

Penelope trails off after her brief interruption, paying attention to Vox and Yatagan's exchange. "Yes. I hope you're a fan of animal rights. I'm not letting our majestic Treasure become part of the Ethical Circus' sport."

"I make a point of respecting the rights of any animal that's capable of eating me. Just seems polite, frankly.

"Oh, and by the way," Vox produces the wooden disk and swings it idly about by its string, "Any reason Jinny Heatshimmer would be wanting to keep an eye on you people?"

Rolzup wrote:

"Oh, and by the way," Vox produces the wooden disk and swings it idly about by its string, "Any reason Jinny Heatshimmer would be wanting to keep an eye on you people?"

A couple of the League members recognize that they (specifically Odanais) possess a magical coin which resembles the disk. It was carried by one of the fey during the first attack on the goblins which the League got involved in, and Asarlai had recognized it as a token which Jimmy Heatshimmer supposedly gave to his lieutenants as a sign of office.

Quote :

You, I believe, have stolen a valuable animal of mine. I want it back. If you know what's good for you, deliver the damn pig to The Beast's Belly. You've got 24 hours. Then I'll come and get it.

Captain Clagoff.

"This man is clearly insane!" shouts Odanais, ignoring their guest completely. "Treasure isn't damned! She's blessed! Perhaps he's just confused. I'm sure murdering him will cure that little ailment."

Odanais looks around for something to break. His eyes catch on Vox.

Quote :

I'm not here to...usurp your authority, or anything like that. I'm just a liason, as it were. Put me on your payroll, I'll follow orders and all that -- I've had military training, I was a scout -- but it's going to be my job to make sure that the dead are properly dealt with. Is this agreeable?"

"Look, you charlatan," shouts Odanais, "our little crew doesn't do well with bureaucracies, eternal or otherwise. Authority figures who spend any amount of time around us typically end dead, slandered, ruined or insane. And the last person who sought us out of their own free will ended up betraying us. So I really do not see how the business arrangement you propose could be advantageous to either party."

gridley wrote:

So I really do not see how the business arrangement you propose could be advantageous to either party."

"He can prove his value by helping us consign Clagoff and his ship to the depths" says Yatagan reasonably. He then smiles in a curious way both ingratiating and chilling.

Mallus wrote:

"He can prove his value by helping us consign Clagoff and his ship to the depths" says Yatagan reasonably. He then smiles in a curious way both ingratiating and chilling.

A little OOC character info, now that Yatagan has identified the letter-writer to Vox:

Vox and Asarlai know about Captain Clagoff. He was the captain of a trading ship, up until the day he got his legs bitten off by a shark. He was ashore when it happened; this was a very...determined shark. These days, he rides about on a Tenser's Disk cast by one of his servants, and has made a fortune importing beasts for the Ethical Circus. He's not in the least discriminating about where he gets his animals, or how. Clagoff doesn't actually do any sailing himself, but hires trusted people to sail into the Aster or to travel into the Interior and return with the exotic animals which fight in the Circus. And sometimes the angels and devils which are its star attractions.

One of Clagoff's hobbies is to write plays. These are usually truly horrible, written under the pseudonym of Nick Middleton, and some have proven inexplicably popular. For example, The Milk-maid's Tragedie, and What Came After has actually been performed even under those Magistrates who have declared the Circus illegal.

gridley wrote:

"This man is clearly insane!" shouts Odanais, ignoring their guest completely. "Treasure isn't damned! She's blessed! Perhaps he's just confused. I'm sure murdering him will cure that little ailment."

Penelope nods upon hearing Odanais' suggestion. "Sink his ship and kill him... that'll definitely teach the man." She grins, the expression broad and, as it often is, slightly awkward.

Rolzup wrote:

"Oh, and by the way," Vox produces the wooden disk and swings it idly about by its string, "Any reason Jinny Heatshimmer would be wanting to keep an eye on you people?"

"People seem to have issues with us, if you haven't noticed. Delivering justice doesn't make you many friends."

Penelope wrote:

"Sink his ship and kill him... that'll definitely teach the man."

Moral lessons come at a high price thinks Yatagan without a trace of irony.

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Delivering justice doesn't make you many friends."

Yatagan says nothing, but as Penelope speaks the words 'delivering justice' it's obvious that the Dragonborn is beaming.

Quote :

One of Clagoff's hobbies is to write plays. These are usually truly horrible, written under the pseudonym of Nick Middleton, and some have proven inexplicably popular. For example, The Milk-maid's Tragedie, and What Came After has actually been performed even under those Magistrates who have declared the Circus illegal.

So we may have to fight theater with theater?

gridley wrote:

So we may have to fight theater with theater?

Who knows? One thing's for sure, he doesn't have as good a grasp of puppet theater as you geniuses have.

To the group: Feel free to keep roleplaying as you wish, or move on to the next day, if you prefer. And if the latter, let me know what you're (individually, or as a group) doing.

Can Penelope go threaten Clagoff the next day, accompanied by whoever else wishes to accompany her?

I guess we should also answer that old chick's summons (perhaps beforehand)... money!

gridley wrote:

So we may have to fight theater with theater?

Challenge Clagoff to a duel of one-act plays? That's utter brilliance.

I see Skill Challenge #3.

Penelope wrote:

Can Penelope go threaten Clagoff the next day, accompanied by whoever else wishes to accompany her?

I guess we should also answer that old chick's summons (perhaps beforehand)... money!

Sure, the Port is your oyster, or something like that. You guys can do whatever you want to, in whatever order.

Mallus wrote:

Challenge Clagoff to a duel of one-act plays? That's utter brilliance.

I see Skill Challenge #3.

That is officially awesome! Now I just have to go off and calculate the DC and psychic damage inflicted by well-aimed iambic pentameter.