5e - When Pigs Don't Fly

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Matron Grub-Dugs escorts you back down the corridor you entered through. Screams of an indeterminate nature are heard from the audience chamber/ballroom of Lolth, Demon Queen of Spiders, as her defeated servants are returned to life, possibly in novel new forms.

A metal door to the left slides open. "Will our guests be leaving soon?" inquires the room's occupant; a 8'' tall stalagmite with a single enormous human-like eye and 4 waving tentacles.

"Yes Stanley". Bob the Grand Dragonborn can't help but stare at the Matron. Specifically, at the tasty mass of insectile protein writhing in her exposed concave bosom.

The door opposite opens. "Intact?" asks a similar creature hanging from the compartment's ceiling.

"Yes, Roc".

"Pity."

"Has the pig been made ready?"

"Already hauled her onto the roof."

"Very good. Now aren't their things needing your attention? Idle tentacles are the Queen's playthings -- and you are acquainted with her definition of 'play', are you not? "

"Yes ma'am! say the rock monstrosities in unison as they shut their doors.

"Pay them no mind. They're usually uncommunicative. I think trying to be more social. And more person-like. After a fashion." Grub-Dubs walks you as far the telescoping gangplank. Below Treasure, in all her broad-shouldered, bristly-tufted, gloriously porcine... glory is there, rooting about the roofing slates in search of something tasty.

The Matron says, "Take good care of the Queen's Needle". She gesture at the brass hypodermic Pogsley is holding. "It holds her precious eggs, and in them our regime's future in the World-to-Come".

Pogsley, one assumes, is trying to find a way to ejaculate into it.

The Matron sighs. "Just between you, me, and the Black Spider-Ship of Lolth, I can't wait until my contract is over. I miss the Hells. This place disturbs me."

She returns to the ship. Almost immediately a cacophony of differently-pitched grinding sounds emanate from its hull, along with a several gouts of unhealthful steam. The ship lifts itself off the Eldadrin Catheral on eight stick legs, then scurries off in the direction of the harbor far faster than advisable. Or physically possible, for that matter, if one insists on being a stickler for physics.

On the street below, the nascent cult of the Savior-Spider let out a collective gasp of bewilderment. Treasure grunts. With pleasure? Maybe?

A great big pig goddess needs returning to her temple. Unfortunately that's about 3/4 of a mile away. And she's currently on a roof.

Now what?

OOC: post your 10th level characters when you get a chance. Along with your magic items -- I'm getting the feeling that items & their finding frequency may by a bit tricky in 5e.

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

"Well," Nicholas clears his throat, "This be a pretty pickle indeed." He paces the edge of the roof, looking down with no apparent concern. "How far up do we be, you think?" He turns, toes on the edge of the roof, heels hanging over empty space. "I must confess, there ain't much I know about pigs. Didn't even know they came in this size, if I'm bein' honest. Are they good jumpers, pigs?"

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

"Silly pirate man," says Pogsley. "Treasure not have to jump! She am a goddess!"

Pogsley walks to the large pig and kneels down. "Treasure, you am free! You can walk home with us if you want, but you might as well just wish yourself back to our house. Paetros is there waiting for you!"

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

John: Nicholas gauges it to be around 50'' or 60'' to the ground, as the pig falls.

Steve: The Glorious Treasure of Heaven grunts, lowering her broad snout to lick the broad flat crown of Comrade-General Pogsley's head. She grunts twice, approvingly. Of his supplication or flavor its hard to say. OOC: Roll a Persuasion check.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Persuasion check: 6 + 7 = 13

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 6

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: Persuasion check: 6 + 7 = 13

Treasure snorts loudly, covering Pogsley's head with... blessings. No further miracles are evinced at present. Shouts of alarm and, likely, horror drift up from street level to the north; along the path the Black Spider Ship scuttled to the sea.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

"Oh, Pogsley get it! You want go for walk! Me be right back!"

Pogsley finds a hole in the roof (I presume it's not unscathed by the giant spider) and starts rummaging around for some large wall tapestries or long pews. Anything he might be able to use as a ramp (aka rapidly deteriorating inertia dampener) to get Treasure down to the next floor down inside the church. Assuming that goes perfectly (as it almost certainly will not), he will lead Treasure to a stairwell and we'll figure a way through the front door.

(Assuming some sort of rolling will be called for: unmodified 7)

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 7

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: (Assuming some sort of rolling will be called for: unmodified 7)

OOC: not high enough, unfortunately.

The Spider Ship did surprisingly little structural damage during its ascent and descent. A few chipped roof slates is about it. The physical properties of Eladrin and Drow constructs are whim-based here, changeable as weather. It follows Lolth's Spider Ship can weigh as little as she cares for mortal lives one day or as much as she detests them another.

It's clear she sliced the steeple off deliberately. Perhaps in a fit of delighted pique.

OOC: roll another d20. Maybe a piece of the steeple speared the roof in a helpful way.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

"Here was the church, here was the steeple," sings Pogsley, skipping off to investigate.

BOOM: Natural 20!

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The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 20

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

Pogsley skips onto a slate near where a steeple shard penetrated the roof, then jumps back nimbly as it begins to give way. The dust of the Eladrin dream of a foothold in the Port flies up. The falling debris is weirdly quiet, as if ashamed. When it clears, the resulting hole is more than large enough for Treasure to fit through. Even better, the piece of the steeple forms a ramp, albeit a very steep and slippery-looking one.

There's plenty of detritus visible inside; section of broken pews, masonry, Fae-plaster, chipped silver-grey slates. There definitely were large tapestries inside the last time you broke in.

OOC: "Next on Pig Movers..."

Posts : 799 Join date : 2008-08-21

"Ye intend to have her walk the plank, do ye? Arr, 'tis likely a wiser plan than mine." Even so, Nicholas casts a wistful glance over the edge of the roof. "Would have been a sight, to be sure.... Ah, well! Have ye rope, lad? We can make a harness 'round her, wind it about somethin', give the swinish lass some support as she makes 'er descent."

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Pogsley is leading Treasure towards the makeshift ramp, inches away from their descent when Nicholas speaks. He stops and says, "Oh, that sound nice. You want wear harness, Treasure?"

Pogsley pulls out some rope and leaves the tying of it to the experienced sailor. While that's being done, Pogsley goes down the ramp and explores options for a soft landing at the bottom of the ramp (tapestries, plush furniture, dead Drow).

ROLL: Another natural 20! Pogsley is the king of scavenging!

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Oh, and rolling!

Admin Posts : 759 Join date : 2008-08-21

The member 'gridley' has done the following action : Dice Roller

'd20' : 20

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: Pogsley pulls out some rope and leaves the tying of it to the experienced sailor. While that's being done, Pogsley goes down the ramp and explores options for a soft landing at the bottom of the ramp (tapestries, plush furniture, dead Drow).

Pogsley descends the steeple. It's slick and slightly cold, like all Fae marble. Also their tears. And blood. The only thing at the bottom to cushion her landing are broken pieces of marble. There are also a number of fallen tapestries which could be bundled up to cover the debris. There's no furniture at all in the upper floor gallery, not even pews, and the ones below look as hard and sharp as an Eldarin maiden nursing a grudge.

Pogsley also spies a sprawl of silken cord nearby -- perhaps from the bell tower? Easily twice the length of the rope Nicholas is fashioning into a harness. It's the color of the last light of evening, cold to the touch, both exceptionally thin and strong. Likely woven from strands of Eladrin self-regard.

Next to the rope pile are a few gold coins glittering in the faint light it's strands are shedding, what looks like a tiny, winged, Fae corpse, no big than a human hand, pinned beneath an ornate clock, and a wooden box about the same size as the God-box Yatagan keeps jammed down his codpiece.

Posts : 900 Join date : 2008-08-22

Mallus wrote:: Pogsley descends the steeple. It's slick and slightly cold, like all Fae marble. Also their tears. And blood. The only thing at the bottom to cushion her landing are broken pieces of marble. There are also a number of fallen tapestries which could be bundled up to cover the debris. There's no furniture at all in the upper floor gallery, not even pews, and the ones below look as hard and sharp as an Eldarin maiden nursing a grudge.

Pogsley makes a carpeted landing pad out of the tapestries.

Mallus wrote:: Pogsley also spies a sprawl of silken cord nearby -- perhaps from the bell tower? Easily twice the length of the rope Nicholas is fashioning into a harness. It's the color of the last light of evening, cold to the touch, both exceptionally thin and strong. Likely woven from strands of Eladrin self-regard.

Pogsley coils up the silken cord and tosses it up to Nick.

Mallus wrote:: Next to the rope pile are a few gold coins glittering in the faint light it's strands are shedding,

Pogsley looks over his shoulder to make sure Lizzie isn't looking, whistles suspiciously, and then picks up the coins and puts them in his pocket.

Mallus wrote:: what looks like a tiny, winged, Fae corpse, no big than a human hand, pinned beneath an ornate clock,

"Ooooh...." says Pogsley, "that butterfly look sick." Pogsley carefully lifts the clock off of it and blows a stimulating dose of fetid goblin breath into its face, then lays a pinkie on its belly and heals it for one point of damage.

Mallus wrote:: and a wooden box about the same size as the God-box Yatagan keeps jammed down his codpiece.

Pogsley makes a kissy face at the box and whispers, "Pogsley get to you in a minute, sweetheart."

Posts : 1428 Join date : 2008-08-22

gridley wrote:: Pogsley coils up the silken cord and tosses it up to Nick.

Nicholas now has the rope spun from the thing the Eladrin metaphorically hung themselves with.

gridley wrote:: "Ooooh...." says Pogsley, "that butterfly look sick." Pogsley carefully lifts the clock off of it and blows a stimulating dose of fetid goblin breath into its face, then lays a pinkie on its belly and heals it for one point of damage.

Miraculously, the Fae opens its tiny eyes in horror. Coughing twice, it says, "Daddy... umm... Mother?". Up close, the Fae isn't quite Fae-shaped. It's proportions are closer to a human child's.

OOC: Pogsley's still in his milkmaid disguise, right?

gridley wrote:: Pogsley makes a kissy face at the box and whispers, "Pogsley get to you in a minute, sweetheart."

The box does not respond.